In My Life
by Letticiae
Summary: AU where the Alenkos decide to foster a sixteen-year-old girl after an Alliance patrol led by Kaidan's father rescues her on Mindoir. Shenko. Rating is now M. Cover art by ExperimentalGerbil.
1. The Alenkos

_Because this fandom seriously needs more AU fics._

_Thank you to my beta, quantumparadigm, and to Suilven for the encouragement._

_I love hearing from my readers, so please leave a review and let me know if you think this AU is interesting and if you'd like to read more about it._

_Bioware owns Mass Effect._

* * *

**Chapter 1 – The Alenkos**

03/20/2170

Like he did every day while on duty far away from home, at 2100 Staff Commander Rylan Alenko made a vid-call to his wife, Barbra.

The dark-haired woman appeared on his holoscreen with a bright smile on her face. "How was your day, honey?"

Looking tired, he sighed heavily. "Bad. We got a distress call from a colony. Mindoir. But we got there too late. Slavers had raided the place. Killed everyone. Must have taken a few of the colonists with them, too…"

"I saw it on the news. I'm so sorry, honey. But don't beat yourself up. They said a girl survived. That's something, right?" she offered, trying to cheer him up.

"Yeah, but she was in pretty bad shape. We brought her back to Arcturus with us, but I don't know if she's going to make it."

"The poor thing. How old is she?"

"Fifteen, sixteen, maybe. She was barely conscious when we picked her up. Gomez was trying to talk to her, keep her awake when we were on our way back, but she wasn't answering. She might be in shock. Hell, Zabaleta is in shock. It was pretty rough down there."

"What's her name?"

"No one knows. She had no ID and then she went into surgery and haven't woken up yet. We're calling her Jane D-… Jane."

"Jane? You mean 'Jane Doe'?"

"Yeah…"

"That's just awful!"

"What else could we do?" Rylan said and noticing his wife was starting to look upset, he thought it was best to change the subject. "How's Kaidan?"

Unfortunately, that question did nothing to improve her mood and she sighed sadly. "He's either out or locked up in his room, always by himself. I don't think he'll ever be the same…"

"He'll get over it."

"Maybe… uh…" Barbra trailed off, wringing her hands.

"Don't tell me –"

"– he should see a shrink. I think it would be good for him."

Rylan blew out an irritated breath. "What would be good for him is to return to the Alliance."

Barbra looked away for a moment and shook her head. Her husband could be such a bullhead sometimes. And so was her son.

* * *

When Kaidan got home and saw his mother on a vid-call with his father, he tried to slip past her and get into his room without being noticed. However, the instant his door clicked closed behind him, she was rapping on it, telling him to come out and have dinner with her in the kitchen. He didn't open it. Yelling from inside that he had already eaten, he hoped she would just give up and leave him be.

Since he had gotten back from Jump Zero, a few months ago, it hadn't been easy facing her. Or anyone else. Brain Camp had ruined him. He had gone through hell there. Five kids had died, three of them were his friends. But what had finally made him snap was Rahna having her arm broken. Damn, was he insane? He had no idea he could be that much in love with someone. So madly in love that seeing her get hurt drove him to kill a man… And now she wouldn't even look at him anymore, so afraid of him she was. With good reason, no doubt. They were all freaks, but he was much worse than the others. Of the many students that had snapped there, he was the only one who had gone crazy enough to kill somebody.

The programme was immediately shut down after that. Kaidan couldn't help but wonder if his father had anything to do with the fact that he was promptly forgiven and no word was ever spoken about what he had done there and nothing had been noted in his record. They shouldn't have bothered cleaning up his mess. He would have faced the consequences, whatever they were.

But none of it mattered anymore. At first, he had been so lost, he had moved back to his parents' place in Vancouver. Now, he was starting to figure things out. He wasn't going back to the Alliance and he didn't want any more training. He was going to try to live a normal life, without using his 'powers' and far away from other biotic people.

* * *

03/22/2170

"She's a biotic. Scared the hell out of the doctors when she woke up," Rylan told his wife on their usual 2100 vid-call.

Barbra was happy to see the amused half-smile on her husband's face. "They didn't know? Did anyone get hurt?" she asked.

"No, she's not jacked."

"Did you find out her real name?"

"Not yet. She's not big on talking."

"What will happen to her?"

"She was supposed to be taken to an adoption agency on Earth once she recovered, but now that we know she's a biotic… I'm not sure."

* * *

03/26/2170

"Jane D–… I mean, _Jane_ will get those new L3 implants, on Captain Hackett's orders. That kid, Hendel Mitra, who went to BAaT with Kaidan, will begin training her as soon as she recovers from the surgery," Rylan Alenko told his wife. "Not sure if he knows enough to teach, but he's the only other biotic in the station right now. Lieutenant Kyle will oversee."

She saw right through him. "You are recruiting her already? Did she even finish High School?"

"You know how unlikely it is that someone will want to adopt a fifteen-year-old biotic kid? Maybe it's best to find a place for her here in the station until she's old enough to go through Basic. Plus we need every human biotic within our ranks. They give us an edge in battle and it's the best way to control them. They can be dangerous otherwise."

"Do you think Kaidan is dangerous?" she asked, with an indignant look on her face.

He glanced around to make sure he was alone before he answered, "You don't? You know what happened on BAaT, Barbra. Biotics are not easy to control and there are some kids having problems with the L2 implants. It would be best for everyone if he were to come back to the Alliance."

* * *

03/30/2170

Barbra knew her husband wouldn't react well to the news she had for him, but keeping it from him wouldn't be right. And he would find out about it anyway when he came home for his leave. "Kaidan got a job."

"A job? Are you kidding me?! You need to tell him to get his ass back in the Alliance."

"Maybe we should let him find his own path. He's working at a shop repairing omni-tools, consoles, gadgets… all this tech stuff he likes."

Rylan shook his head. "I'll talk to him," he said, immediately ending the vid-call with his wife.

There was no way that conversation could go well, Barbra knew it, and it didn't surprise her that Kaidan came out of his room minutes later to tell her he was going to move out as soon as possible, preferably, even before his father's leave.

* * *

04/01/2170

"I went to see Jane with Captain Hackett today. She's really invested in learning how to control her biotics and do something useful with it."

Barbra looked off camera, pensively. "Kaidan used to be like that."

"Yeah. Private Mitra is doing a decent job as a teacher. Better than we expected. It could be Kaidan in his place, you know? He should come here, see for himself. Maybe it would inspire him to get back in the Alliance."

"What happened to yelling at him until he changes his mind?"

Rylan snorted at his wife's teasing. "It's not working, is it? Do you think he would agree to come here? I could get him clearance. Perhaps some of Jane's enthusiasm will rub off on him."

"Why don't you bring her here instead? A fifteen-year-old colony kid suddenly locked up in a space station… It can't be good for her. And I bet she would love a home-cooked meal."

"You say that as if Arcturus were a small place. And the girl is sixteen. She's talking now. Not much, mostly to me and Hackett, actually. She hates the psychologist. That's what I like about her," he laughed. "Still, she didn't tell us her real name. She said _Jane_ was fine."

Barbra didn't answer, just frowned and her eyes dropped to her lap.

"Don't let this bother you, Barb," Rylan said. "I can see why you would sympathize – the kid is human and a biotic. But this kind of thing that happened to her, it happens all the time. The galaxy is a dangerous place."

"I know, but it's so unfair. An entire colony destroyed, only one person survived and she's human and a biotic and you're the one who rescued her… I can't help but to feel for her. I wish I could help her, too. It can't be easy to lose your mother… lose everything at sixteen."

"You don't know anything about this girl. She could be a criminal or have some contagious disease."

Barbra raised one eyebrow and asked wryly, "Really?"

"You know I can't just pick her up and take her to Earth."

"Can't anyone there give you permission? It's for her sake."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Actually… hmm… the psychologist already recommended her for an adoption and foster care agency in Vancouver and someone will have to take her there. He thinks the agency might find her a home and a home would be better for her than staying here. He says that restoring some of the normalcy in her life might help her get a better hold of her emotions, which will improve her control of her biotics."

Barbra folded her arms in front of her chest and raised an eyebrow. "Did you seriously need a psychologist to tell you that?"

Rylan cleared his throat and continued, pretending his wife had never spoken. "Anyway, the Captain agreed and he seems convinced that Jane will come back to the Alliance by herself when she's of age. So… if it will please you, I might volunteer to take her to the shelter for the agency on my leave and then you can meet her, bake her a cake or whatever it is that you want to do for her."

"I knew you had a soft heart," Barbra grinned.

"Yeah. I'll talk to Hackett.


	2. Lisa Mae

_Thank you to my beta, quantumparadigm, and to everyone who reviewed, faved and added this to alerts._

* * *

**Chapter 2 – Lisa Mae**

03/20/2170

Lisa Mae Shepard woke up in the middle of the night with the noise of weapons being fired and people screaming. A second later her dad was opening the door to the room she shared with her grandmother and rushing them out. He was holding a shotgun and her older brother was right behind him with a baseball bat in his hands.

"Hurry! I can see them. They're getting close. Oh, God! They're killing everyone!" her mom shouted from the other room.

Immediately Lisa Mae went to help her grandma, who was understandably confused to wake up with the house in uproar and the sounds of a war going on right outside her window.

Nervous and in a hurry, her brother picked grandma up on his arms and led the family to the pantry in the back of the house while dad stayed behind turning off all the lights and locking the doors.

Instants later, he rejoined them. The whole family was crammed up inside the small pantry, trying not to make any noise and praying their hiding place wouldn't be found. Silent tears were running down her mom's cheeks and her dad put an arm around her shoulder while the other kept a firm grip on his shotgun.

Lisa Mae was sweating and shaking, her heart racing in her chest. She could feel the dark energy beginning to ripple through her body, that stupid blue light that insisted on flaring when she least wanted it to. Her family was staring at her with panicked, pleading looks on their faces, noticing her struggle and hoping to God she would be able to restrain herself.

They all held their breaths when they heard steps inside the house and her brother grasped her arm roughly. "Control yourself, freak," he hissed.

The steps were getting louder, closer. Terrified, Lisa Mae squeezed her eyes shut, gritting her teeth and clenching her fists as she fought with all her willpower to keep the dark energy in her at bay. But she could not control it. No matter how much she tried, she had never been able to. She had searched the extranet for information about her _condition_, as the people on Mindoir used to refer to her biotics, and though there wasn't much on human biotics, she still found out there were implants and training facilities for people like her. Not that it mattered. Her parents thought developing those strange abilities wasn't worth the trouble, because it wasn't like she was going to need them anyway to work on their farm.

However, maybe, if she had gotten an implant and gone away to train, she wouldn't have flared when they were hidden tonight, the flash of blue so intense and bright that even if the pantry had no windows it would be hard for anyone inside the house to miss it. After that, it all happened so fast. It took the slavers only a second to get the pantry door open. Her father shot in the face the first one that came into view, killing him, but there were six others behind him who shot her whole family multiple times in the blink of an eye. They all slumped to the floor around her and, suddenly, she was pistol-whipped. The blow sent her to the ground, blood gushing from her cheek where it had been split open.

The alien who had hit her picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. She didn't kick or scream, paralyzed in fear and horror and still dizzy from the blow to her face. As he walked out of the house with her, she saw dozens of dead bodies, all people she knew. The only ones alive were a few girls, crying and screaming, as the batarians dragged them to their shuttles. She thought she was going to be sick. Oh, God, she was going to be sick.

With the contents of her stomach running down his back, the batarian threw her on the ground, yelling at her as he kicked her and hit her on the face with the butt of his pistol.

Then his gun was pointed at her chest and she didn't move, just wished he would kill her and get that nightmare over with. Other batarians passed by them, shouting and rushing to their shuttles. The one in front of her looked at them apprehensively and shouted something back. Another one that seemed to be in charge shook his head, pointing to the other girls that were being taken. They were all much younger than her. The slavers didn't want her and she would be killed too, like the adults and the boys.

The batarian took a step back and shot at her twice as he turned around to run towards the shuttles and escape with the others.

* * *

All she wanted was to fall asleep and never wake up. But they wouldn't let her, those people that rescued her, treated her wounds, gave her meds, fed her and kept trying to make her feel better.

She didn't know what for. What was she supposed to do with her life? Where was she supposed to go once she was healed? She was utterly and completely alone in the galaxy; an underage girl with no money and no skills or talents. What future was there for her?

Her belief that her family was watching her from heaven made living through each day even harder and more painful. What could she possibly do with the rest of her life for them to forgive her, to be proud of her?

That dumbass psychologist they kept sending into her room had no idea either. All he would do was ask her more and more questions when answers were what she really needed. Like shit, that was how she felt every single day. Why did he even ask? Hadn't he heard her whole family and every single person she knew had been murdered? Didn't he see the reporters that had gone there to take pictures of the "sole survivor of Mindoir" with her rescuers only to leave her out of their shots when they noticed how damaged her face was? Didn't he know the doctors had to remove a bullet lodged in her ribs and she would still need months of rehab to fully recover the movements of her arm because of the other bullet that had gone through her shoulder?

That was why she liked Captain Hackett, Commander Alenko and the other soldiers there. They didn't ask her anything. They just told her what she was supposed to do. And they were completely unfazed by her marred face. Hackett even had a scar similar to hers, but his looked old and completely healed while hers was still puckered on the edges, swollen and angry.

As the days went by and she remained in recovery and mostly stuck in bed, it was from them that she got the answers she was looking for. They changed her name, calling her Jane Doe or just Jane when they noticed she had her eyes open, they got her some used clothes with military patterns, they gave her implants for her biotics, they assigned people to teach her how to control her flares and use dark energy to lift and pull stuff and they told her they would send her to foster care but that she was supposed to return to the Alliance when she turned eighteen. It was a solid plan and it was not like she had any other options anyway. Even if she had, this would be the path she would choose, because it was thanks to the Alliance that her biotics were becoming useful instead of causing damage. For someone who had been thinking she should be dead and that there was no more place for her in the galaxy, to find out now that she was _Jane – biotic recruit for the Alliance_ was such a relief. As a soldier she would be able to help people, like they had helped her, and maybe… hopefully, make up for her family's death on Mindoir.

* * *

04/14/2170

She was not at all excited about going to Earth. Resting her head against the window in the shuttle, she closed her eyes and said a silent prayer, hoping to God the shelter where she would be staying in Vancouver was a nice one, because most likely that was where she would live for the next eighteen months, until she could go back to the Alliance. What were the odds of this agency finding some warm family home willing to take in a freak like her? Surely not great. But what did she care if no one wanted her anyway? She didn't want anyone either. Her own family wasn't comfortable around her since she was ten and flared for the first time. Still, hers was the only family she wanted. And… yes, it would be best if the agency didn't find her another.

As if to corroborate her own thoughts on the matter, she heard Commander Alenko on a call with his wife. "She's got a nasty scar across her left cheek that goes down to her upper lip. There was some nerve damage the doctors weren't able to repair so her mouth deviates a little towards her right side when she talks. That's probably why she doesn't talk much. I thought you should know, so you won't have a… any strong reactions when you see her," he said.

He had probably thought she was sleeping so, not wanting him to find out she wasn't, she kept her eyes closed. She was fine with him warning his wife about her. It was understandable that he didn't want to scare the woman. She should have refused going to his home in the first place, but it wasn't like anyone had given her the option. They were trying to be nice to her, she got it. She just wished they wouldn't bother. It would be the most awkward lunch ever, with Commander Alenko's civilian family pretending they didn't pity her or that her scar didn't gross them out.

_Civilian family_, she repeated the words in her head. Her entire life she had never even considered becoming a soldier. Now she didn't fit anywhere else but in the military. Only in the Alliance she would be useful instead of a burden and her biotics would help rather than scare people. Unfortunately, for the next year and a half she would remain an unwanted freak forgotten in a damned shelter for orphans in Vancouver.

* * *

04/15/2170

It was early in the morning on a Sunday when they arrived in Vancouver. The Alenkos lived in a very nice and peaceful residential district, with big houses and really clean streets. With her good arm Lisa Mae grabbed the half-empty duffel bag that contained her belongings and waited by the commander's side while he approached the military-grade scan on the door to his home. The door unlocked and he beckoned her in.

A woman in her late 40s, a little overweight, with beautiful olive skin and dark hair came running to hug the commander and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Jane, this is Mrs. Alenko," he said.

The woman rolled her eyes and waved him off. "You can call me Barbra, dear," she corrected him with a warm smile on her face, already setting Lisa's duffel bag on the floor and helping her out of her coat.

"Jesus, Rylan!" Mrs. Alenko turned to her husband with her hands on her waist. "Why didn't you say she needed clothes?"

"What's wrong with her clothes?" he asked, confused.

Lisa blushed and looked down, crossing her arms in front of her chest defensively. She had used a knife to cut three more holes on the old belt she was wearing so it would hold her large cargo pants in place and her grey t-shirt was about three sizes too big for her and probably a decade old.

"What else do you have there?" Mrs. Alenko pointed at her bag.

"I… uh… just stuff the soldiers gave me," Lisa said, still not looking up.

The older woman shook her head. "How about we go shopping later?"

Lisa chewed on her lower lip, unsure about how to deny the invitation without disappointing this woman that was trying so hard to be nice to her and without having to explain that though her parents had their lifetime savings in an account on a bank somewhere, she couldn't have it just yet, so technically she didn't have any money. "These clothes are fine," she finally said.

"Nonsense. We are going, dear. It'll be my treat." Mrs. Alenko put a hand on her shoulder. "Come, there's breakfast in the kitchen."

Lisa looked at Commander Alenko as if asking for his permission. He was dragging a hand over his face, but then he nodded and followed them into the kitchen.

After breakfast, he retired to his room and Jane stayed in the kitchen with Mrs. Alenko. The older woman was doing most of the talking, telling Lisa about the weather on Earth and other bland, safe topics.

Lisa was sitting at the table, on a chair facing the kitchen door when it hissed open and a tall and lean young man came in. Instantly, she lowered her head and let her shoulder-length dark-brown hair fall over the scarred side of her face.

Mrs. Alenko smiled widely to see him. "Kaidan, there's someone I want you to meet. You saw about Mindoir on the news, right? This is the girl your father rescued there. Her name is…" she hesitated. "Uh… they call her Jane."

Without raising her head, Lisa shook hands with him and muttered a barely audible, "Hi."

Immediately, he let go of her as if he had been shocked and she hastily put her hand over her scar to make sure it was covered, thinking that he had pulled out like that because he might have seen it.

He turned to his mother, frowning. "Is she a biotic?"

Oh, it was not the scar then. It was the other… thing. "I'm sorry. I… I have to… go to…" Lisa mumbled, trying to make an excuse to leave. She bumped on the table as she got up, making the glasses on top of it sway dangerously. As she reached out to steady them, Kaidan was already on it, so she pulled back. Nervous and embarrassed, she couldn't control the blue corona that started forming around her.

"… go to the bathroom," she finally managed to finish and fled the kitchen.


	3. Boys

_Thank you to my beta, quantumparadigm, and to Suilven, for patiently answering all my questions about Canada. Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed. I love hearing from you, dear readers!_

* * *

**Chapter 3 – Boys**

Kaidan couldn't help but wince as Jane passed by him on her way out of the kitchen. Whenever he was near other biotics he could feel the buzz of dark energy coming from them and it was just that – a buzz. And of course there was Rahna. Being around her felt really good. The hum of her biotics was pleasing and soothing, almost melodic and always in harmony with his. But Jane's… what the hell was that? Definitely not a buzz. It was more like a screech, utterly irritating, as if it was out of tune. He was certain being close to her would trigger a migraine, so he was about to tell his mother he couldn't stay for lunch when she spoke first.

"I thought I had taught you better than this. You can't even be polite around other biotics? Don't you know what this poor girl has been through?" she scolded him.

"Ma, you don't understand. She's –"

"– a lovely girl," she cut him off. "I don't want to hear another word, Kaidan. You will stay for lunch and you will be nice to her."

Not willing to admit his defeat just yet, he blew out an irritated breath, but he knew there was no way he could win this argument. Of course a girl with a tear-jerking story like this one would win his mother's heart. So, for his mother, he would stay and be nice to Jane and endure the migraine that surely would come from it.

He went after her and found her in the backyard using a biotic lift on her duffel bag.

"What are you doing?" he asked, unable to keep his annoyance from showing in his tone.

Immediately, she dropped the bag and lowered her head, her hair falling down and covering most of her face. "Commander Alenko said I could practice outside the house."

He watched her for a second, looking like she wanted to disappear and decided to try again. "Look, I… I didn't mean to… I'm sorry. Why don't you come inside? Let's see what's on TV."

"The commander said you are a biotic too," Jane said, grabbing her bag and following him back into the house.

"I don't really want to talk about it," he replied.

They sat on the couch and he began shuffling through channels. She was completely quiet, her head lowered and her hair still covering half her face. It didn't seem like anyone could actually watch TV like that.

The silence was stretching between them, getting awkward. To make it worse, every now and then a wave or dark energy would flow from her. It felt as irritating as being poked and it was taking all his self-control not to snap at her again. Her biotics were a wild, cacophonous mess of untamed energy that was setting his teeth on edge. God, how he missed Rahna and the even, soft whisper of her biotics, so delicate as it mingled with his.

"Can we watch that?" Jane asked, interrupting his thoughts.

It was the tenth remake of Battlestar Galactica. "Do you like this show?" Kaidan raised his thick dark eyebrows at her.

"If you don't want to watch it, it's fine. I shouldn't have said anything."

He stared at her for a moment, realizing she was as uncomfortable there as he was. Or even more so. Her head was still down. Not even once they had made eye-contact.

"This version is terrible," he said, going for a lighter tone. "You should watch the second and the eighth remakes. They're the best. Real classics."

She nodded.

There was finally something they could talk about after those endless minutes of awkward silence that had felt more like hours and he was not going to let her just drop the subject like that. "I have them in OSDs. Want me to copy them to your omni-tool?"

"I… ah… there's no need. Thank you."

Damn, she was so frustrating! "Didn't you say you like this show?"

"I don't have an omni-tool. I had, but… I used to take it off before going to bed and I was sleeping when they…"

Shit, he couldn't get one right with her. But before he could give yet another try at being at least polite, his mom appeared at the door.

"Kaidan, your father wants to talk to you upstairs. Jane, dear, will you help me in the kitchen?"

* * *

Lisa Mae shuddered at the unexpected pulse of energy that passed through her and exchanged glances with Mrs. Alenko when they heard glass breaking.

"I'll be right back, dear," the woman said, forcing out a smile as she rushed out of the kitchen.

There was some yelling, but Lisa couldn't make out the words. After a few minutes, Kaidan stormed down the stairs enveloped in dark energy and headed to the backyard.

"Are you okay?" she asked, going after him.

"Don't come near me!" he hissed, clenching his fists and pacing angrily. "Why doesn't it stop?" he asked no one.

"Because you're all nervous and upset," she replied, getting closer to him.

For the first time she was feeling his biotics interact with hers. He had been so controlled earlier, she had no idea he was so powerful. It felt like fire burning inside her, raw energy setting her own to flames.

As she flared, his own corona seemed to have found renewed life. "You're not helping," he snarled.

"I'm trying to." She captured him with a biotic lift and held him upside-down in the air.

"What the hell are you doing?" he yelled so she could hear him despite the rapidly increasing distance between them.

"Calming you down so you can regain control," she yelled back.

It worked. It wasn't exactly easy to focus on anything, not even your own anger, when you were floating upside-down and in a few instants the only energy around him was hers.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Alenko exclaimed from the balcony on the first floor. "Rylan, come here!"

Shit! Startled, Lisa dropped Kaidan. If his parents had thought she might have been attacking their son, now they were sure of it, because she was letting him fall head first on the ground. Thankfully, she managed a biotic pull at the last second, making him come crashing against her instead.

As they hit the ground, he immediately rolled off her and got up on his feet. "Are you insane?"

She wanted to apologize but her voice didn't come out, the wind knocked out of her when her back hit the ground with his weight over her. Her not-yet-completely-healed body protested as she tried to get up and her face contorted with pain.

"What happened?"

"I was trying to help," she replied, but as she looked at him she realized that was not what he was talking about. His expression had softened and his eyes were on her face. "Oh, this? This was…" she covered her scar with her hand.

Looking embarrassed, he shook his head. "Never mind."

Before he could offer a hand to help her up, she turned on her side and used her left arm to push herself up.

He nodded at her right arm, eyebrows furrowed. "Are you hurt?"

"No. Yes. I mean… I took a bullet…" she trailed off and looked away from him. She hadn't talked to anyone about Mindoir and she wasn't going to start now. It was maddening that every subject seemed to end up there at some point.

Commander Alenko and his wife joined them in the backyard and she was grateful for their timing even if they were going to throw her out.

"The landing needs more work, but the lift was solid, Jane. Nice job," the commander said, an amused smile on his face. "Kaidan could give you some tips. He was the best in his class."

Surprised, she smiled and shot Kaidan an expectant look, but he just rolled his eyes and went back into the house.

After that, lunch was pretty uncomfortable with an upset Kaidan staring at his plate and stabbing at his food.

Commander Alenko spared a glance at his son and then cocked his head to find Lisa's eyes. When she met his gaze, he deliberately knocked a glass off the table. Before it hit the floor, she picked it up with a lift.

Immediately, Kaidan dropped his fork and knife noisily over his plate and stalked out of the kitchen.

"Rylan!" his wife chided him and Lisa almost curled into herself in embarrassment.

He just shrugged and tapped the girl on her bad shoulder. "You'll make a fine soldier, kid."

* * *

After lunch and going shopping for a few things with Mrs. Alenko, the commander dropped Lisa off at the shelter for the adoption and foster agency.

The shelter was a slightly dilapidated building, surrounded by high walls. On the ground floor there was the reception, kitchen, cafeteria, laundry, two classrooms and a common room with a big TV and many couches and chairs of different sizes and colors, mostly old and worn out. On the first floor there was the girl's dorm, with bunk beds and lockers, and shared bathrooms. Each kid was entitled to one locker which was more than enough since none of them had enough possessions to actually fill it. There were about thirty girls there, all younger than her which made her feel bad as if she had failed at something but she didn't quite know what it was.

When all the kids got together for dinner in the cafeteria, she noticed the boys were twice as many as the girls and a few of them were her age or older. She felt a little better, though still strangely embarrassed to be there.

"You're new."

Lisa raised her eyes to look at the boy sitting across from her. "Yeah."

"I'm Jarell. You?"

"Jane."

A kid dropped his tray behind her. She was startled by the unexpected loud noise and turned around abruptly to see what was going on. It took her only a couple of seconds to turn back and hide behind her hair again, but it had been enough for Jarell to get a good look at her face.

"Damn! That's one nasty scar you got there. How did you get it?"

She let out an annoyed sigh. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Alright," he shrugged. Waving to his friends who were on the table to his left he mouthed, "She's staying."

"What was that?" she asked, trying to rein in her irritation.

"Just telling my friends – Tyronne, Mano and Rajit," he pointed at each one of them, "you're staying. I've lived here for ten years, you know? If you're not a cute baby girl, you're not getting out of here any time soon."

"Whatever." It was not like she was hoping she would anyway.

"There was a blond one here once," he continued. "People were lining up to adopt her. Redheads don't stay long either. And next are the kids with green eyes. But you, Scar, you're old, you don't have rare eye or hair color and you have _that_ on your face. You'll be here until you're eighteen and then they'll throw you out. Just like me. Like us," he made a gesture towards his friends again.

"I don't care. I don't want a family." She really didn't. But why thinking that no one wanted her was making her so angry?

"Of course not. Me neither," Jarell said, looking down to his tray of food.

They just sat there, quietly eating their dinner for long minutes, until a four-year-old redhead girl passed by their table, running and giggling. Damned kid was cute indeed and it annoyed Lisa deeply. Jarrell nodded at the kid. "Arrived yesterday and will be gone by the end of the week, I bet a month's desert on it. Not that desert here is any good…"

"What do you want?" Lisa asked, her patience running thin.

"Nothing, Scar. Relax."

At that her control snapped and dark energy erupted from her body.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed, his jaw dropping.

She quickly regained control, but the cafeteria had gone silent, everyone staring at her. Then there was the sound of heels clicking on the hard floor, approaching her fast and she took a deep, calming breath, focusing on not making things worse.

Two supervisors escorted her to the manager's office, where the three adults discussed for a long time, until the manager, Mrs. Legrand, came talk to her. The woman went on forever about how benevolent it was of them to accept _someone __like her_, how she should be grateful and not cause any problems.

Lisa had only been in the shelter for a few hours, but she hated it already. All her focus and willpower were going to into holding back her biotics as Mrs. Legrand scolded her. If anything good could come out of her staying there, it would be that after eighteen months of putting up with that place and the people there, she would surely become the master of self-control.

* * *

04/16/2170

Jarell sat with her for breakfast. "Hey, Scar, they gave you a hard time?"

"No." Although she wasn't in the mood to talk to him or anyone else, that wasn't a lie just to avoid any more questions. People treating her badly because they didn't understand and/or were afraid of her biotics wasn't new to her and she wouldn't consider it a hard time. More like a _regular_ time in fact.

"That blue thing you did, it was so cool! I thought only asari could do that."

When she didn't say anything, he insisted. "Can you control it like them? Do tricks?"

To see someone actually excited that she was a biotic was a nice change. The Alliance was all business when it came to that and people in general were scared. Suddenly, she was feeling less inclined to keep ignoring Jarell. "Yep."

"No way! You have to show me."

"I'm sure Mrs. Legrand would love that."

"Not here. I know a place," he muttered.

"Aren't we supposed to have a class or something right now?"

"Or something. There are only two classrooms. One is for the kids up to eleven and the other is for everyone else."

After learning that, Lisa was not surprised that the classes turned out to be a complete waste of time. There was only one teacher to handle all subjects and try to make it work with kids in totally different levels of education. It took forever just to get everyone to sit down and the woman never managed to get them all to shut up. After lunch there was more of the good-for-nothing classes and then PE, which wasn't so bad. At 5pm they finally had some free time and while most kids went to the common room to watch TV, Lisa followed Jarell to the second floor. The boy's dorm was there and the whole floor was off-limits for the girls, however the shelter didn't have enough staff to keep constant watch everywhere and the corridor was empty at this time. They rushed past the boy's bathrooms and the janitor's closet and reached an emergency exit. Lisa thought the fire alarm would go off when Jarell pushed the door open, but he told her it hadn't been working since forever. They went up two flights of stairs and got out on the flat roof. The shelter was surrounded by other grey prefab public buildings, making for a very boring view. But at least it was quiet and spacious up there.

"Alright, Scar. Show me your asari tricks," Jarell said and Lisa brought her biotics to life.

There wasn't any object up there she could use, so she asked him to take off his jacket.

All she knew was pull, lift and throw and, to his amusement, she used them all on the piece of clothing quite a few times, until she was feeling exhausted and they sat down for her to rest.

"That was amazing, Scar! You're like a super hero! What are you going to do when you turn eighteen? Put on a uniform and fight crime?" he asked, excitedly.

"Yeah," she smiled. "I want join the Alliance."

"It figures. With the things you can do... and you'll even have a uniform. I guess, you'll really be a super hero then."

"What about you?"

His excitement faded and he stared pensively at the horizon. "I don't know. I still have six months to decide, but if you're still here when you turn eighteen, they give you the enlistment papers and try to convince you to join the military before putting you out on the street. In the end, most kids join, you know. It's the only way to be sure we'll have food, a roof and a salary when we get out. Well, there are the gangs, too."

"Gangs?" That word alone bothered her. It made her think of criminals, people like those batarians who attacked Mindoir. "You would join a gang?"

"They do some heavy recruiting around here, not unlike the Alliance. I know people who left the shelter for both sides."

"What about Tyronne, Mano and Rajit?" she asked.

"Raj is definitely Alliance. Ty and Mano, gangs. Ty's brother lived here too, you know? He left a year ago and we heard he's been doing well for himself with the Reds."

Lisa was annoyed by that, but she didn't press the matter. It was almost 6pm and they had to get to the ground floor before the supervisors began scanning rooms and corridors, rounding up the kids for dinner.

From that day on she made all meals with Jarell and his friends, sat with them during classes and they began going to the roof with her in the afternoons. Hanging out with them gave her a comforting sense of belonging. Although they called her Scar, they were not in the slightest moved or bothered by her face. And they were thrilled by her biotics. For the first time since the attack on Mindoir, she was actually having fun as she used her powers to make them float over the building during their 5pm break.

* * *

**A/N:** _The dialogue about Battlestar Galactica and other geeky bits you'll find throughout this story were inspired by Alexis and Kaidan from quantumparadigm's No Strings Attached. Go read it now if you haven't yet. It's awesome!_


	4. A New Home

_Thank you for all the reviews, favorites and alerts. Getting this much love from you keeps me motivated ;) _

_Also, thank you to my wonderful beta, quantumparadigm._

* * *

**Chapter 4 – A New Home**

05/14/2170

Lisa could hardly believe when Mrs. Legrand told her they had found her a foster family. Not only that but all the paperwork had already been done and approved and she would be meeting them the next day. During lunch she gave Jarell and his friends the news, but they acted as if it was nothing and then, after PE, they didn't follow her to the roof.

Alone, she decided not to practice that day and just sat there, staring at nowhere, trying to figure out how she felt about having a family again. She had been convinced she didn't want any that wasn't hers, but there was no denying it was comforting to know someone out there wanted to take care of her.

"Hey," Jarell interrupted her thoughts, sitting by her side.

"Hey," she flashed him her crooked smile. It was good to see him up there, even if it was almost time for them to go down for dinner. The way he and the others had acted earlier, as if they didn't care that she was leaving, had really bothered her. They were friends and she thought that they would be happy for her. Or maybe sad that she wouldn't be around anymore. What she didn't expect was their indifference.

Jarell looked upset and she scooted closer to him. "Are you okay?"

He let out a wistful sigh. "Yeah. It's just… we thought you were staying, you know? Everyone that goes is a reminder that we are getting left behind."

"Only five more months and you'll be out, too."

"Yeah…"

"Promise me you'll join the Alliance."

"I don't know."

"Please, Jarell. Alliance, not some gang."

"I promise you I'll think about it"

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Damn, Scar. I was so sure you'd be staying," he uttered, his voice low and sad.

"Because I'm not cute?" she asked playfully, nudging him with her elbow.

Looking into her eyes, he tucked her hair behind her ear, exposing the marred side of her face. "You are beautiful, Jane, but I know most people can't see past the scar. That's why you cover it with your hair, isn't it?"

"This is the first time you've called me 'Jane'."

"It is your name, right?"

She broke eye-contact, looking down. She might still think of herself as Lisa Mae, but no one else did. There wasn't a single person alive who had known Lisa Mae Shepard and that was why she had become Jane Doe. All traces of her old life and the girl she was were gone. "Yeah," she replied, even though she knew it had been a rhetorical question and he was not waiting for an answer.

They were quiet for a while and then she spoke, "Do you really think I'm beautiful?"

"Promise me you won't be mad?" he asked and she nodded. "The day you arrived I only sat with you because I wanted to check you out. I had seen just half of your face and thought you were beautiful and then I saw this…" he reached up and gently traced her scar with his fingers, "I can't say it's beautiful and I'm sorry you had to go through whatever caused it, but I was sure this scar was going to keep you here, so… yeah, I… uh… I can't say I didn't like it."

Of all the various ways people had reacted to seeing her scar – pity, disgust, horror, curiosity, feigned indifference – Jarell's was no doubt the most unexpected. He liked it? That horrible thing on her face that was a constant reminder of the worst day of her life? That couldn't be right.

"Do you _like_ it?" She had to be sure.

"I liked it because I thought it meant this beautiful new girl was staying at the shelter. Now I like it because it's part of you and… I like you. You're pretty cool, Jane," he said, giving her a disarming half smile.

His fingers trailed gently down to her neck and she closed her eyes. She had never been touched like that. Since the attack on Mindoir, she had not been touched at all but for medical reasons and the occasional handshake. And before that… ever since the colonists had learned she was a biotic, they avoided getting too close to her. No one knew much about human biotics and, from being able to read minds to being radioactive, the weirdest rumors had been spread about her on Mindoir.

When she opened her eyes again, he was really close to her and she could feel his breath blowing warm against her lips.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, barely waiting for her nod as he leaned in and his mouth connected to hers.

Lisa blushed and for an instant there she didn't know what to do. His tongue brushed her lips softly and she parted them for him and just let it happen, more out of curiosity than anything else. When they broke the kiss to breathe, though there had been some fumbling, she thought it had been good enough for a first time.

Jarell was a dear friend and she was glad that it had been with him that she got to share her first kiss. That was a nice memory to have; the best from her time at the shelter.

* * *

When Lisa saw the Alenkos waiting for her, ready to take her home with them, she felt a huge relief. At first she had thought the shelter would be preferable to any family that wasn't hers, but these people… they were different. They seemed to understand her.

Mrs. Alenko met her with a warm smile on her face and hugged her as if she were part of the family already and had been missed. Commander Alenko was not one for displays of affection, but he was looking content as he patted her on her bad shoulder and he even carried her duffel bag to the car for her.

On their way home they asked her about the things she liked to eat, if she had any allergies and if she needed any more clothes or supplies of any kind. When they arrived, they immediately set the front door scan to recognize her and then they gave her a room with her own bathroom and left her alone to bathe and get settled while they prepared lunch.

The room they gave her had been Kaidan's. When he moved out he took most of his stuff with him, so it was empty but for two items.

On a shelf there was a real paper book, a hardcover edition of Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke. On the first page there was a simple dedication from the commander to his son. One did not come across real books every day. They were mostly rare and valuable special editions with limited copies. That wasn't something you just forget when you move out. Kaidan must have left it behind on purpose to spite his father, to make a statement. It was a shame, but it gave her the chance to read a paper book for the first time and she wouldn't waste it. She grabbed the book and put it on the nightstand by the bed.

The only other thing he had left there was in the wardrobe – a t-shirt with Leia, Luke and Han Solo from the latest Star Wars holo-movie that had been released a few years ago. She had loved that movie and wondered if he would mind if she wore it to bed, since she had no pajamas. Probably not, after all he did leave it behind.

Her first week with the Alenkos was alright, though being in an actual home made her miss her family and her old routine even more. She had no idea that simple things like her mom's cooking, watching TV in the evening with her grandma, helping her father with the orchard and even the screaming matches she had with her brother were such a big part of her life and that she would miss them so much.

The Alenkos were doing their best to keep her occupied. She would go jogging with the commander on the beach in the mornings and then he would put her to work out with him in the guest room that he had repurposed into a gym. And Mrs. Alenko would require her help in the kitchen and with the garden, bring her along when she had errands to run in the city and keep her company while she practiced her biotics in the backyard.

Although she was staying in his old room, reading his book, sleeping in his shirt and listening to Mrs. Alenko talk about him all the time, since the day they had met she hadn't seen Kaidan again. However, as soon as the commander's shore leave ended and he returned to Arcturus, she was sure Kaidan would show up there to visit his mom. And Lisa was kind of looking forward to seeing him. Apparently, he didn't like his powers much, but maybe she could change his mind. It would be so nice to have another biotic around for her to practice with.

* * *

05/30/2170

Kaidan shook his head vehemently, hoping he could get his mother to see reason. "This is not a good idea, Ma. Her biotics are completely out of control. You have no idea how dangerous that is."

Barbra shrugged. "Don't worry, son. I've been watching her practice. She's getting better."

He stared at her image on the holoscreen in disbelief. "She's living there already?"

"For the past two weeks, yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You'd know if you came here more often."

Kaidan let out a frustrated sigh. "Is Pa still there?"

"Yes. He leaves for Arcturus tomorrow. Can't you come at least to say goodbye?"

"No. I'm busy tomorrow."

By the look of disappointment on his mom's face, she knew he was lying. "I'll come see you on the weekend, okay?" he tried to fix it. "Unless… Ma, with Pa back on duty are you sure you're going to be safe?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't like the idea of you alone with a biotic who can't control her powers. Isn't Pa worried about this?"

"He was the one who told me to stay with her while she practices."

"Damn, Ma! You shouldn't stay anywhere near her when she's –"

"It's fun," she interrupted him. "She lifted me the other day. It was like flying, Kaidan. It felt incredible."

He took a deep breath and said patiently, "I have to go now, Ma. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

The instant he ended the vid-call there was nothing calm about him anymore. _It felt like flying? It was incredible?_ Did his mom lose it? What was she trying to do? Be best friends with some unstable biotic girl? God, to think that crazy girl was using her poorly controlled biotics on his mom. He didn't care whatever hell she had been through; he wanted to slap some sense into her.

Dark energy was crackling on his hands, his own control snapping. Fuck! He was no better than her. But at least he wasn't putting anyone else in danger. He tried to calm down, to focus on his breathing, to relax, but it wasn't working. Small objects were starting to float around him; he needed to cool it fast. The last time something like this had happened, that insane Jane kid had lifted him and held him up in the air upside-down. It'd worked and… yeah, it'd felt incredible indeed.

Despite himself, Kaidan laughed and realized the blue corona around him was subsiding and the floating objects were landing softly on the floor. He held on to that feeling until he was in complete control again. To be fair, Jane had handled that lift pretty well that day. Until she hadn't anymore and dropped him. Yeah, it was best not to let her practice anywhere near his mom.

* * *

06/01/2170

His father had left Earth on Thursday, so Kaidan decided to go check on his mother on Friday. The instant he entered the house he knew Jane was using her biotics. He followed the direction the irritatingly uneven waves of energy were coming from and found her in the kitchen with his mom. Jane was using a biotic pull to bring down a bowl from the top shelf of the cabinet.

It annoyed him so much, he didn't even greet them. "Can't you use a ladder or climb on a chair like normal people?"

"Kaidan!" his mother reproached him.

"I believe Pa said she could practice outside the house. I don't see how this is outside."

Barbra put her hands on her waist. "So now you decide to listen to your father?"

"I'm just worried you're alone here with her," he retorted, pointing at Jane who was already running away from the kitchen, the halo of dark energy around her spiking as she passed by him. "See? She can't control it!"

"She was controlling it just fine before you started yelling at her."

"She was not. I felt it, the minute I came in here –"

"I've been watching her practice every day and she never lost control, she never even broke anything. You have to give her a chance, Kaidan."

"Ma, you have no idea how annoying it is to be around her. Dark energy radiates from her all the time. At least tell her not to use her amp."

"What amp? She doesn't have one."

"WHAT?" Damn, she was powerful. Too fucking dangerous. With an amp she would probably spike higher than him. "Ma, I beg you, please, for your safety –"

"Kaidan, son," Barbra interrupted him, lowering her voice. "Don't think your father and I don't know what she's capable of. We know it better than her and that's why we decided to foster her. She's got no one else and with her powers... it's very important that she follows the straight and narrow. And to make sure that she does, we'll give her the support and stability she needs.

"When we let them take you to BAaT, we didn't know any better. What happened there was not your fault, Kaidan. They're the only ones to blame, you have to believe this. We're helping this girl so something like this doesn't happen to her, too. We –"

"– are trying to do better for her, because you couldn't do it for me," he finished for her, his voice no more than a whisper as realization dawned on him.

His mother gave him a sad smile and nodded, the tension in the room dwindling.

"I... I have to think about this."

* * *

From the balcony on the first floor you could see the Locarno Beach and feel the moist and salty breeze coming from the ocean. It became Lisa's favorite spot in the house. She had never seen the ocean before coming to Vancouver and she found it very soothing to watch the waves crashing against the shore.

That was where Mrs. Alenko found her after what had happened in the kitchen.

"I apologize for Kaidan's behavior, dear. He wasn't always like this. He used to be a very sweet kid, actually," the woman said softly.

Lisa was quiet, so Mrs. Alenko continued. "He was eight when his biotics manifested for the first time. When he was fourteen he was taken to BAaT. Or Brain Camp, like he calls it. It was some kind of school for human biotics. They came for him because Rylan had added his information to this database the Alliance keeps on human biotics. Of course we knew very little about biotics at the time and we honestly thought this school would be good for him. But some very bad things happened there and they ended up shutting the place down. When Kaidan came back, he had changed." She sighed. "Really changed."

The older woman came closer and leaned on the railing by Lisa's side. "It's nothing personal. He acts like that because he doesn't want anyone to get hurt. He's just… afraid. Afraid of his own power, of not being able to control it."

Mrs. Alenko put a hand on her shoulder. "Rylan is so proud of you, Jane, of your abilities, your dedication. He's sure you'll do well in the military. We want that for Kaidan, too. Maybe you could help him with that, with accepting who he is."

Oh? So she was there for a reason, Lisa realized. The Alenkos had decided to foster her not to help her (or at least not _just_ to help her), but to help their own son. And how was she supposed to do what they expected of her? She was a complete mess and Kaidan seemed to hate her.

"Let's go downstairs and have dinner, dear. Kaidan left, but maybe you could go to his shop on Monday. You need an omni-tool, right? I'll ask him to set you up," Mrs. Alenko said, keeping the hand on her shoulder as they headed to the kitchen.


	5. Friends?

_I hope I replied to all of you who reviewed. It really makes my day knowing that there's so many people enjoying this story! _

___Thank you to my dear friend and beta for this chapter, Hatsepsut._

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Friends?**

06/04/2170

Lisa was taking summer classes to finish the 11th grade so she could start her senior year in September. Just one more year and she would be done with what had been a torment for her ever since the biotic flares had started – going to school. She now had a little more control over her powers and if she kept her head down to hide the scar, she would probably succeed in going through this last year of school without anyone taking notice of her. Fortunately everything else about her was pretty ordinary – skinny, medium height, dark-brown hair and eyes; plus her once beautiful sun tanned skin was rather pale now.

Living so close to the beach, she could probably have kept her tan… if she didn't have all those horrible scars from bullet wounds and from being pistol-whipped. She should really start saving money for a plastic surgery. It would be nice to look normal again.

Lucky her that Jarell had kissed her that day at the shelter. Thanks to him she knew how a kiss felt and, damn, it'd felt good. If only they had had more time together… She was sure it wouldn't be easy to find another boy who liked her. Certainly not until she could afford that plastic surgery…

Lisa sighed, looking at her reflection on the mirror, at the once red scar on her cheek that was now turning a just-as-ugly shade of purple. On the plus side, it wasn't swollen anymore. As usual she covered it with her hair before going out.

Today after class she would go to Kaidan's workplace to get an omni-tool for herself, like Mrs. Alenko had told her to. She was not looking forward to meeting him again. He was a powerful biotic (more than Private Mitra – she had noticed it when she had first visited the Alenkos), he was smart and really handsome and she was living with his parents, so yes, it would be nice if they could be friends. They should be friends, actually, but he clearly didn't want to. Hell, he seemed to despise her.

As she walked into the backroom where the guy on the counter had told her she would find Kaidan, she took a deep, calming breath to keep her biotics in check, knowing full well how much her powers irritated him.

She found him surrounded by dismantled terminals and console parts and greeted him shyly.

"There's something I need to finish first and then I'll set up your tool," he said, not bothering to look at her. His eyes were fixed on whatever he was doing on his workbench.

"Thanks. Can I wait here?"

"Sure."

She didn't know how long it would take and he didn't seem very willing to talk to her, so she didn't ask, just looked around for a chair, since he hadn't offered her one either. There were only two stools in the room. He was using one of them and there was a big box of tools and parts on the other. It looked heavy and she considered using a biotic lift to take it off the stool, but Kaidan would probably yell at her and throw her out of there if she did. Sighing, she decided to give it a try with her own hands. Damn thing was heavy indeed and it didn't help that her right arm was still much weaker than the left one; the box ended up landing noisily on the floor.

Kaidan spared her a sideways glance and exhaled heavily, shaking his head before resuming his work.

"Bad shoulder," she said, giving him and apologetic crooked smile, which he ignored.

Her right shoulder was hurting with the exertion and she began massaging it with her left hand as she waited for him, sitting on the stool and trying not to make any noises. Going there had been a bad idea. They would never be friends and she would only get hurt if she kept trying, not only emotionally, but physically too, as it had just happened. The only reason she had picked up that stupid box instead of using her biotics was to please him and now she was in pain and he didn't look pleased at all.

"Are you okay?" he asked after some time.

"Wonderful," she answered dryly, still caught up in her thoughts. "Uh… I mean… I'm sorry. That wasn't… I'm fine."

"Is that where you got…?"

"Yeah, but I'm okay, really. I shouldn't have picked up that box. I…" _should have just stood here for who knows how long, because you wouldn't offer me a chair, you couldn't clear a stool for me, you get mad when I use my biotics_. Damn, that train of thought was only making her angry at him and that wasn't doing any good for her self-control.

"I guess it's not like we see in the movies," he said, gesturing to her shoulder.

"Getting shot? No, it's not."

He stared at her, clearly waiting for her to elaborate on her answer. As long as he didn't ask her any follow-up questions about her family and the attack on Mindoir, she could give him something on the specifics of her getting shot, just to sate his curiosity and for the sake of them having something to talk about.

"The shock was too great, so at first I didn't feel any pain. When I looked down, saw the blood pouring… that was when it started hurting and it was like the wounds were on fire. I couldn't get up, not even sit down and couldn't move my arm at all."

"Wounds?"

"They… they shot me twice." Okay, talking about this wasn't as easy as she thought it would be. And to think that getting shot was one of the least traumatic things that had happened that horrible day... "One bullet went through my shoulder. The other was lodged here," she touched her ribcage, under her breast. "It wasn't just the pain. The tissue, nerve and muscle damage was extensive, especially on my shoulder. The Alliance doctors repaired what they could surgically, but the recovery process is slow. I don't think this arm will ever be as good as the other," she rolled her right shoulder as she spoke. God, they needed to change the subject right now.

"I should have told you that box was heavy. Uh…" he scratched the back of his neck. "Is there something I can do?" he offered, gesturing towards her shoulder. He looked guilty and was making an effort to smile at her. Every time something reminded him of her recent past, he felt bad for treating her poorly because of her biotics and then tried to make up for it . It was an annoying behavior. She didn't want to guilty him into liking her.

"No, don't worry about it. I have a muscle rub at your parents'. When I get there, I'll –"

"There's a drugstore right around the corner," he interrupted her. "I could –"

"I'm fine," she insisted, her eyes pleading that he just dropped it.

Thankfully, he nodded and resumed his work. Not knowing any other subjects that might interest him, she decided it was best to just stay quiet and wait.

Her stomach growled and she blushed, hoping he hadn't heard. He was taking too long and she was getting hungry and impatient. Private Mitra had told her to always carry energy bars with her, but she hadn't anticipated Kaidan would make her wait all this time and hadn't brought any. "I should go. Maybe I'll come back another time, when you're less busy," she said.

"Your tool is ready. I was just downloading some apps and transferring those Battlestar Galactica vids I told you about and a few others I thought you might like." He went over to her and gave her a Buzz IV tool from Aldrin Labs.

She put it on. It was a model better than she expected and he had even gone into the trouble to download and install several programs for her. Maybe she was reading him wrong. "T-Thank you," she said, her eyes on the holoscreen, scanning the folders with the programs, apps, vids, games, music and everything else he had put there for her.

"Yeah… Can I ask you a favor?"

Smiling, she looked up at him. "Sure. After this, even more than one."

He didn't look amused, though. "Could you please not use your biotics near Ma?"

"The commander said –"

"I know what he said."

She hadn't read him wrong, Lisa realized. It was infuriating how everything always came down to her use of biotics whenever he talked to her. Abruptly, she took off the tool and dropped it on his workbench. "Sorry to take so much of your time, but I think I'll get a simpler model somewhere else. Thanks anyway," she said, as politely as she could manage and stalked out of the room.

"Hey, wait! I didn't mean…" Kaidan went after her and was about to touch her shoulder to stop her when she flared.

The other guy who worked at the shop instantly jumped behind the counter as if he was being shot at. "Fuck, man! What was that?"

Kaidan pulled back, flinching. Feeling the messy waves of her biotics did nothing for his control and he let her go, like she knew he would.

* * *

When Lisa got back at the Alenkos and Barbra asked her about the tool, she just said Kaidan had been busy and she would get it some other day. She didn't know if the woman bought it, but thankfully she didn't ask her anything else.

Lucky her that everyone in her family was good with plants. She hadn't realized that was some sort of special talent until the neighbors started asking Mrs. Alenko who the girl with the green thumb was that was doing wonders for her roses. In no time Lisa was gardening for several houses on their street and making a few bucks.

After a couple of weeks she had enough to afford a Buzz I omni-tool and she got it from a store at the mall. Mrs. Alenko must have figured out something had gone wrong the day Lisa had met Kaidan at his workplace and she was trying her best, but without success, to get them together again. He had been visiting more often, but Lisa was sure it was just to make sure she was not practicing her biotic abilities near his mother or inside the house, so she would always come up with an excuse to lock herself up in her room while he was there. Lisa knew Mrs. Alenko wanted them to be friends and she hated to disappoint the woman who had given her a home, but she could not do what was expected of her. She had way too many issues of her own to help Kaidan with his silly ones. What did he have to complain anyway? He still had his family and his home and didn't even appreciate them.

* * *

10/28/2170

Kaidan knew he had handled poorly every single encounter he had had with Jane. If not for her biotic abilities, he was certain they could have been friends like his mom wanted them to be. They were so different, the two of them, and there were many things he would like to ask her about – how life in a colony was, if the orphanage had been as grim as they usually were in the movies, why on earth she wanted to join the army, how her shoulder was recovering, what it had been like at Arcturus Station, how she liked Vancouver, what it was like for her to live with his parents. There were other things that would be tactless to ask but that he was curious about too – details about the attack on Mindoir, how she had gotten the scar on her face, how she had managed to survive, how his father had found her. And, of course, there were the things he could ask, but wouldn't admit he wanted to – when she had found out she was a biotic, how her mother had been exposed to element zero, when and how it had been that her biotics had manifested for the first time, how the people in the colony had reacted to her powers, if she had ever used an amp, why she liked using her biotics so much…

Yet he couldn't get past his own hatred for the powers that took him away from his family, turned him into a murderer, scared away the girl he loved, ruined his relationship with his father and fucked up his life. And the irritating erratic waves of dark energy that emanated from Jane's body every now and then as if to test his own control were a constant reminder that she was a freak, just like him, and that she could kill as easily as he had.

Every time they had been around each other had been a disaster and he was pretty sure she had been avoiding him ever since that day at the shop. However, his mom's birthday was on October 23rd and Jane's was on the 26th so his mom had decided to celebrate them both together on Sunday, the 28th, with a barbecue in the backyard for the whole family. Barbra would be turning 50 and it would break her heart if he missed it. That meant he would have to spend the day around Jane and all he could do was hope that she would be in control enough not to make him lose his own.

Besides being around Jane and her wild biotics, he had other concerns about that birthday party. All his relatives would be there – uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents. They had stopped visiting his parents a long time ago and he hadn't seen anyone in years, though his mom mentioned having them over for lunch or dinner several times while he was at Brain Camp. Surely it was not a coincidence that they only visited his parents again after he was taken to Jump Zero.

That was going to be a hell of a party. Or, the party from hell.

* * *

Lisa had made only one friend at school, Emily, who was Lisa's only guest for her birthday barbecue. From the corner where they stood, trying not to get too much attention, Lisa watched as Kaidan unintentionally disbanded several chatty groups of people with nothing but his presence. They were afraid of him, she could tell. The minute he got too close, the others would make up some excuse to leave.

"So, who's the sexy guy?" Emily asked, with a nod towards Kaidan.

"Kaidan?" Lisa smiled. "Yeah, he's kinda cute, isn't he?"

"'Kinda cute'? He's gorgeous!"

"Want me to introduce you?"

"Sure! But don't worry, I won't hit on him. He's all yours, okay?"

"W-What? Why would you say that?"

"Jane, please, the instant he showed up here you didn't spare a single glance at anyone else, me included."

"I… uh… It's not like that," she said a little flustered. "It's just… remember how I told you the Alenkos' son was a biotic too? That's him. I was noticing how his relatives are avoiding him. I know what that's like."

"He should sit here with us then. We don't mind," Emily said, winking and nudging Lisa with her elbow.

Lisa shook her head. "We don't, but he does." Emily gave her a puzzled look, so she explained. "Well… because I'm a biotic."

"What? This makes no sense. You'd think he'd know better."

"He doesn't," Lisa sighed. "You should see how he reacts when I use my powers near him, even if it's just a flare, he flinches and glares at me as if I were some kind of threat and were deliberately trying to hurt him."

"That's awful! If I were you, I'd totally be glowing all blue right now, just to spite him."

"I'm sure you would," Lisa laughed. "I did it on purpose once, but in my defense he was being an ass. Mrs. Alenko wants us to be friends, but I don't think that's ever going to happen, since he wants me to stop using my powers and I won't."

"You know, something doesn't add up. His parents are okay with this biotic thing or they wouldn't have fostered you, right? So why isn't he?"

"Yeah… there's a reason for that. He was taken to this… sort of school on Gagarin Station, I think, to train his abilities. Something bad happened there, the programme was shut down and he hates anything biotic-related ever since."

"It must have been a really serious 'something'. I'll do some research and see if I can find out what it was."

"You just can't let anything pass, Emz."

"Of course not! I'm a journalist," Emily said, putting her hand on her chest proudly.

"You write the bottom half of page 4 of the school paper!"

"Hey! That's the best half!"

They chortled loudly, the noise catching Kaidan's attention. He spared a glance towards them, apparently thinking twice before finally deciding to go over to them. Lisa greeted him with a polite smile and introduced him to Emily. Then, with his hands behind his back, he wished her a happy birthday. Instantly she figured out that weird posture of his was because he didn't want to touch her. Damn, that was annoying. Wondering how far he would take that, she held out her hand to him.

He hesitated, staring at her hand for an instant as if he didn't know how a handshake worked, but she didn't pull back. Emily looked from one to another expectantly. Another moment passed; it was getting awkward. Sucking in a deep breath, he shook her hand, gritting his teeth as he took in the shock he always felt when they touched and the turbulent dark energy in her interacted with his.

The handshake was as quick as it could be, but Lisa noticed Kaidan had still tensed up, certainly worried that their contact might trigger an involuntary flare. For her, that feeling was great. It was like her biotics were fighting with his, both trying to fit in where there was barely enough room for one and since none would recede they would end up bursting, the surge of energy uncontrollable. God, it felt awesome. Private Mitra was the only other biotic she knew and she had never had a sensation like that around him. Yes, Kaidan was stubborn and frustrating and he didn't like her, but even when she was annoyed or angry at him, there was no denying she enjoyed the tantalizing way their biotics interacted.

And so she pulled him into a hug. It wasn't impulsive as it looked; she wanted more of that feeling and she would never admit it out loud, but a tiny part of her enjoyed irritating him. Her arms brushed his, her forehead touched his jaw and as she tightened the embrace, her fingers grazed the nape of his neck, over his headjack, where an amp would be if he used one.

As a reflex, he began raising his arms to return the hug, but stopped himself before he could close them around her. Still, there had never been so much of her bare skin in contact with his and blue light sparkled in every spot where they touched each other.

The surge of dark energy inside her was so sudden and so powerful, it caused her to shudder from head to toe. She didn't even try to control it. She didn't want to and even if she did, she knew she would fail. Her shudder made him instinctively close his arms around her and he gasped as that action led to his own control slipping. The scent of eezo filled the air as their biotic fields clashed violently, warring until they burst in a flare so wide and bright no one could stand to watch it.

As they let go of each other, Lisa had a smile on her face, but it died down at the sight of his embarrassed, mortified expression. He put some distance between them and opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out and he just turned on his heels and left, practically running out of the house.

"Wow, Jane! That was amazing!" Emily exclaimed, looking at her friend with wide eyes.

"Yeah, it felt amazing too. It's a shame he'll never come near me again," Lisa replied with a sad smile, noticing how everything around her – cups, plates, chairs and even a table – had been displaced.

After that little show, the barbecue was over in the blink of an eye with all relatives and friends of the Alenkos making up reasons to leave as quickly as possible.

"It seems like I've ruined the party," Lisa pointed out, gesturing towards the rapidly fleeing guests.

"Yeah, they're not even going to wait for the cake, are they? But, Jane, don't feel bad. Kaidan helped," Emily said brightly.

Lisa smiled. Letting her biotics flow freely and interact with his like that had felt so good she did not regret it, but she did tell the Alenkos she was sorry for having ruined their party. However, the Commander just shrugged and said that had not been the first time an involuntary biotic discharge had ended a party at his house, while Mrs. Alenko said the party had lasted long enough and asked for help cleaning up the house.

Emily was the only guest left and Lisa accompanied her to the door, so the cleaning could start. "Thank you," Lisa told her friend.

"For what? I didn't even get you a present. But, in my defense, this was a bit of a short notice."

"It's not that. Thank you for thinking I could land a cute guy like Kaidan."

"You _can_. With the right make-up…"

"You mean a plastic surgery. Make-up won't cover this scar."

"Forget the scar. Your eyes are your strongest feature."

Lisa, her eyebrows furrowed, shot Emily a questioning look.

"You have these beautiful long dark eyelashes," the girl explained. "With a good eyeliner and mascara, no one will be looking at your scar when they talk to you. You might as well stop covering it with hair."

"I don't think that's going to happen."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Let's go to the mall this week. I'll get you a nice make-up kit and I'll show you how to use it. It will be my birthday gift to you. And we'll do something about your eyebrows too. They're a bit too thick; we need to give them a more delicate shape. "

"Oh?" Lisa touched her eyebrows self-consciously. "Uh… okay, then."

* * *

Kaidan still hadn't managed to completely calm down by the time he got home. That barbecue had been a disaster. Jane was an irresponsible, reckless biotic kid, playing with her powers as if they were no big deal and with no concern for the people around her.

Exhaling heavily, he slouched on the couch. The picture frame on the stand by its side flicked to life and he grabbed it. It was showing an image of Rahna and him in which he was grinning like an idiot, because he had just asked her to be his girlfriend and she had said yes. The beautiful, sweet and innocent Rahna, the one he had thought was the love of his life and now wouldn't answer his calls or reply to his messages; she was so scared of him.

Every time Jane's crazy biotics interacted with his, he tried to think of how Rahna's felt, though that thought never lasted more than a brief second. It was impossible to focus on anything when Jane's untamed dark energy was causing a fucking revolution inside him. Her rampant biotics inciting and inflaming his, it was maddening and so damn… exciting! Hell, it was amazing how it made him feel, raising goose bumps on his skin and making all the hairs in his body stand on end. It was so thrilling he just wanted to forget about everything else and let his own biotics flow, unleash powerful mass effect fields and show everyone what he was capable of.

Another image appeared on the picture frame and it caught his attention. Rahna's perfectly fair and smooth skin was lighted up by a faint blue glow. Without Jane anywhere near him, he could finally remember the feeling of his ex-girlfriend biotics, always soothing and delicate as she was, always so… so dull! He almost couldn't believe that thought. Until not long ago he was sure he would never get over Rahna, he would never love again, he would never find someone so perfect for him like she had been. Now, days would go by without him thinking of her once and when he did the memories of the two of them together seemed so distant...

He dropped the frame and went into his room to search the bottom drawer of his wardrobe for something he hadn't touched for a year. Taking the small hard plastic case in his hands, he sucked a deep breath before opening it. Lightly, he ran his thumb over its content - his bio-amp, a model that still wasn't outdated. The teachers at Brain Camp thought he had potential, so every year his amp had been replaced with a new one. Usually a better one than what most of the kids there would get.

It was surprising they didn't take it away from him after what had happened to Vyrnnus, but he guessed everyone was so worried about covering that mess up and making it go away as fast as possible, that no one really thought about that detail. _They simply let the murderer and his weapon go_, he thought grimly.

And, even so, all he wanted to do right now was to put the damn thing back on. He shouldn't do it alone though. His body was not used to it anymore and it was hard to tell how his biotics would react, especially with him being an L2. It always took some time for his implants to adjust to an amp, no matter the model, and since he had just managed to regain full control, it was best not to try that right now.

Perhaps he should invite Jane over and ask her to help him with that. She was powerful, she could probably contain him if something went wrong and her "technique" to calm him down, lifting him upside-down, was… well, it worked. But on the other hand, she had caused his control to slip many times with the way her unstable dark energy provoked and stimulated his.

Kaidan closed his fingers around the plastic case, trying to decide what to do. Deep down he knew his mother was right and it was past time he gave Jane a chance. He had even kept the Buzz IV omni-tool he had gotten for her. It didn't feel right selling it to somebody else, since he had spent so much time setting it up for her, choosing apps, vids and games he thought she would like. It was hers and he felt bad for having acted the way he had when he'd given it to her. No wonder she had rejected it; he understood her. Maybe he should start by making that right if he was going to give it a try at being friends with her.


	6. Amends

_A/N: Buzz omni-tool, Duty bio-amp and other equipment you saw and will see here are completely made up and do not exist in the game (though the companies that supposedly made them all exist in the game and the names I'm choosing for them make some sense according to the way each company named the rest of their stuff). Since this story begins thirteen years before the first ME, I thought it wouldn't be right if their equipment were the same._

_I'm changing the rating to M, because of language, violence and future steamy bits._

_Thank you to the lovely Suilven, my beta for this chapter. And to everyone who reviewed and/or added this fic to alerts and favorites. You make my day!_

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Amends **

11/05/2170

The paint on the walls was a different color, the pillows were too soft, the family sleeping in the next room wasn't hers. It was all wrong.

It wasn't that Lisa didn't like living with the Alenkos. She did. They had been nothing but good to her. It was just that everything reminded her of Mindoir. Every damn thing. And it didn't happen only at the Alenkos. At school, out on the street, in a fucking supermarket… Memories of her old life on Mindoir would come to her everywhere. All the time.

By now, she had learned to live through the memories without breaking down, always keeping a straight face and carrying on with whatever she was doing. It was the nightmares that killed her. During a nightmare, she couldn't compartmentalize the pain; there was no holding back her emotions. It was exhausting to say the least. She always woke up a nervous wreck, sweaty and shaky, in tears and with her biotics on fire.

That was how Lisa had awakened today. To make things worse, her right shoulder had hurt all day and she hadn't been able to concentrate and study for the exam she would have at school the next morning. So, when Mrs. Alenko knocked on her door and insisted she'd come out to see Kaidan, she felt like pulling her hair out. His father had left for Arcturus only minutes ago, and Kaidan had appeared there as if on cue. No doubt he had come to scold her because of what had happened at her birthday party, and she was not in the mood to take any shit from him. Her day was already crappy enough as it was; she didn't need him to add to it.

However, not to upset Mrs. Alenko, she dragged herself out of her room. She felt the tingling of dark energy starting to amass and stir inside her; maybe because she was irritated and impatient, maybe because there was another biotic in the next room. If he pissed her off, she could always use a flare to scare him away, so she didn't bother focusing to keep it in check.

Mrs. Alenko left them alone to talk in the kitchen. As she sat across from him at the table, Lisa noticed he only shuddered at her proximity instead of his usual flinching and wincing and gritted teeth. Was he trying to be polite, reining in his aversion towards her? Then, to her utter surprise, he gave her the Buzz IV omni-tool he had set up for her a few months ago. "I want you to have this."

She hesitated. "I'm not going to st–"

"I don't want you to."

Lisa studied his face, trying to figure out why he was doing that, what had changed, but she couldn't tell. There was a flicker of anxiety in his eyes, but nothing else. Giving up, she thanked him and powered on her Buzz I and the Buzz IV, setting up a link to transfer her files from the old tool to the new one.

As she switched the tools on her left arm, she hissed and rolled her right shoulder. It was hurting with her every move. Probably it had something to do with the weather; the doctors had mentioned she might experience more pain in the cold. Although Mrs. Alenko had told her that, thanks to global warming, it hadn't snowed in Vancouver for at least sixty years, they still had low temperatures beginning towards the end of fall and during winter.

When the Buzz IV tool was properly adjusted on her arm, she looked up at Kaidan again and caught him staring at the scar on her shoulder. Ever since she had gotten shot, she only wore sleeveless shirts when alone in her room. Except for today, when she had been angry and upset, and hadn't bothered changing out of her tank top. So, it was the first time he was actually seeing _that _scar. It was a weird one, sunken down into her shoulder; the tissue puffed and discolored where the entry wound had been.

Embarrassed, he immediately looked away and then a thought hit her and she couldn't stop the sparks of dark energy that crept on her fingers. "You're not giving me this out of pity, are you?"

"No," he quickly answered. "Of course not. I just… it's just…"

She was surprised to see him just letting it happen when the faint blue light started to envelop him. If she didn't know him any better, she'd say he looked almost pleased.

The biotic sparks on her fingers evolved to a full-body flare when he flared. Their mass effect fields clashed violently, making every object in the kitchen shift, until they found balance with each other and finally mingled, making them both gasp.

It was a wonderful feeling and for the first time he smiled at her. Forget cute. Emily was right – he was gorgeous.

"Jane, uh…" He rubbed the back of his neck, a little embarrassed. "I need your help with something. There's no one else I can ask."

She raised her eyebrows. This ought to be interesting.

* * *

11/09/2170

Lisa felt like an idiot standing in front of Kaidan's apartment building waiting for her watch to hit 5:40 pm. He had asked her to meet him there at 5:30 pm, but Emily had insisted that she shouldn't arrive exactly on time for some stupid reason Lisa couldn't even remember right now. This was not a date, no matter how much her friend wanted to believe it was. She was just going to assist Kaidan while he put on his bio-amp and, since he didn't want his parents to know, he had asked her to come over instead of going to his mom's. Surely, if he knew any other biotic in Vancouver, he wouldn't have called her there. Plus, he was way out of her league.

Yet, Lisa had let Emily pluck her eyebrows and she had put on some light make-up, as her friend had told her to. As if her eyes were ever going to be pretty enough to draw attention from the scar on her cheek…

At exactly 5:40 pm, Lisa buzzed in and he let her in. He shook her hand, but this time he didn't let go as if she had burned him. The contact made his breath catch in his throat and… he smiled again! She hoped it would become a habit. It was much better than the old flinching and wincing.

His place was small, clean, and organized. He took her coat, but then he didn't even tell her to sit down and went straight to retrieve his amp. It was not a date.

She sat on the couch to wait for him and, when he returned, she was looking at this image of him and a beautiful blonde girl on his picture frame.

"Girlfriend?"

"Uh… ex-girlfriend. I should have changed these pictures a long time ago…"

But he hadn't. Clearly, not a date.

Sitting by her side on the couch, he carefully opened a small plastic case and detached his amp, a Duty II made by Sirta Foundation. He told her how to put it in and turned his back to her. She scooted closer to him and knelt on the couch behind him so her legs wouldn't touch his. Not that she would mind, but he probably would.

His hair was a little too long, partially covering his headjack. As she moved it out of the way, she noticed the skin there was ragged and blemished with old burn marks. "Are you sure this is safe?" she asked, lightly running her fingers over the small scars there so he would know what she was talking about. Goose bumps raised on his skin, so she pulled her hand back, thinking that her biotics might be bothering him.

"This amp, yes. The ones Conatix developed and tested on us, not so much," he said with a bitter laugh.

"I didn't know Conatix made amps."

"They don't. But they made several attempts before shutting down their amp development division."

"I'm sorry." What a nightmare it must have been for those kids over at Jump Zero at the mercy of some greedy unscrupulous company...

"It's okay."

They were quiet for a second and then she put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah… listen, if I can't control it, I need you to…"

"Lift you upside-down?"

He looked over his shoulder and smiled at her. "I'd say take it out, but that works too."

As she slid the amp in, his whole body tensed, and a strangled groan escaped his throat. She noticed the muscles on his neck, arms, and back flexing, and there was a powerful discharge of dark energy that caused her to jump back and avert her eyes. Thankfully, when she looked at him again, he was already in control and there was only a perfectly even and stable light blue corona around him.

The same couldn't be said about her, though. Incited by his powerful surge of energy, her biotics fired up messily, knocking over the stand by the couch.

With an incredibly fast and efficient movement, he used a biotic lift on her. It took her by surprise, and she let out a girlish squeak. Lisa had used lift, pull and throw thousands of times on many targets while practicing and on her friends at the orphanage, but she had never had them used on her. It felt amazing and she chuckled wholeheartedly, like she hadn't done in a long time.

That "technique" was effective indeed and, seconds later, her wild biotics had settled down and he had a cheeky grin on his face as he lowered her softly to the couch. His content look quickly turned into a frown though, when he noticed his picture frame was broken on the floor.

"Shit! Kaidan, I'm sorry," Lisa hastily apologized, realizing what she had inadvertently done.

"It's fine. It's… no big deal." But the gloominess that took over him as he knelt down to gather the pieces of broken glass said otherwise.

"I'll buy you a new one," she offered. Why was he so sad? The image files surely could be retrieved and pictures frames like that were pretty common and cheap.

"There's no need, Jane. It's fine, really."

It didn't seem like it was though, and it got too uncomfortable for her to stay there. "I better go. I'll see you later."

"Yeah," he said simply.

Lisa let herself out and went home upset, still not quite understanding what had just happened. Tiptoeing around him and all his stupid issues and insecurities was exhausting.

* * *

As he threw the remains of the frame in the garbage can, not bothering to download the images of his ex-girlfriend to his tool first, Kaidan mused bitterly over the irony of that incident. Biotics were inherently destructive, and it seemed some things were always meant to be broken by it.

* * *

12/02/2170

Mrs. Alenko had to make a last-minute trip to Singapore, where she would meet her husband and attend his grandmother's funeral and last will reading. She would be away for at least a week, so she had asked Kaidan to go check in on Jane every now and then so the girl wouldn't be alone all the time.

When he got there that evening, Jane was on the couch watching TV. Her hair was damp, she was barefoot, and wearing shorts and his old Star Wars t-shirt. She clearly wasn't expecting anyone to show up there.

"Why are you wearing my shirt?" he asked her.

"This? I sleep in it. It's comfortable."

"It's mine." His retort sounded harsher than he'd intended. He didn't care for that stupid t-shirt; he'd just found it odd that she was wearing it.

"If you wanted it, why did you leave it here when you moved out?"

"I don't want it. I thought Ma would throw it away when I left it. This movie sucked anyway."

She rolled her eyes. "Let me guess—there's a much older version that is the real deal and a thousand times better than this holo-trash."

"Well, yeah."

"So, you really don't want this shirt back; you're just bugging me about it for no reason whatsoever!" God, he was so frustrating!

"Look, I didn't mean it, okay? You can keep it."

"Now I don't want it anymore." She hastily took it off and threw it on him with a little more force than necessary. "And send the old version of this movie to my tool. I want to watch it," she said as she went into his—no, _her _room—wearing only shorts and a white bra, and locked the door behind her.

He had gotten only a quick glance at her as she had turned around and walked away, but it had been enough for him to notice that her toe nails were painted red, her legs were toned and lean. She had a taut stomach, and yet another nasty scar right under her left breast, but her breasts were beautiful, round and small and perfect.

Fuck! What was he doing checking out that crazy biotic kid? His… foster sister or something. Was that really a thing? Foster sister? Hell, he needed a girlfriend ASAP. A normal one.

* * *

12/04/2170

It was Kaidan's birthday. Lisa knew it was, because Mrs. Alenko had mentioned it several times. Since his mom wouldn't be back in Vancouver until the end of the week, Lisa had thought he would never show up there on his birthday. Yet, after work, there he was.

Didn't he have any friends? Not that Lisa was complaining, of course; just wondering. This was the most she'd seen of him since she had been to his apartment and broken his picture frame.

At least she had the chance to give him a gift, like Emily had insisted she should do. Her friend was right. Despite everything that had gone by between them, in the end, he had given her that expensive omni-tool for free and it would be nice of her to return his kindness. But, in her own way, of course.

Their whole debacle over his Star Wars t-shirt had given her a good idea for a gift, and now he was holding the small rectangular package in his hands and frowning. "You didn't have to get me another picture frame. I told you that, didn't I?"

"You did, and I didn't."

The package really seemed like it could have a picture frame inside. It had the same shape, and it wasn't too thick or too heavy.

Kaidan didn't look happy to open it and find out it was the hardcover edition of Childhood's End that his father had given to him a couple of years ago.

"I finished it already and thought you might want it back," she said.

"I don't. That's why I left it here."

"Well, you should take it with you. If it means nothing to you anymore, sell it on the extranet. I bet you can find a very good price for it."

He ran his fingers over the cover and then opened it to re-read the dedication his father had left him inside. "Fine," he shrugged. "Thanks, I guess."

Although he was acting aloof, as if he didn't care for the book, she noticed he had gingerly placed it next to his keys on the stand by the front door. She was sure he wouldn't sell it.

"If you had told me you were coming, I'd have baked you a cake," she said.

He shot her an incredulous look. "You bake?"

"Sure. I lived on a farm until… uh… you know. There wasn't much to do there." A_nother subject, fast! _her mind practically screamed at her. "I was going to make spaghetti for dinner. You want some?"

"Ah, yeah. Sure."

They went into the kitchen together and she thought he would just sit down and wait. Instead, he hovered over her the entire time, watching her every move and giving his unsolicited opinion on everything—the ingredients she was putting in the sauce, the quantities, the cooking time. He obviously didn't trust that she knew what she was doing, and she made a point of refusing every piece of unwanted advice from him, just so she could prove him wrong. When he took his first bite, she was staring intently at him so she wouldn't miss his reaction and, though he tried, he did a poor job of disguising his delight, barely holding back a moan of approval.

Lisa smirked and shook her head. The guy was a biotic, for crying out loud; she knew what that was like. Her cooking was not bad, but even if she had served him plain white bread he would have feasted upon it as if it were a juicy piece of steak. That was just the way human biotics were with food.

"Are you comfortable around me?" she asked, breaking the silence while they ate. "I mean, my biotics are not disturbing you anymore?"

"You… hmm… you feel very different. Unlike any other biotics I've known. But I'm getting used to it. To you."

She gave him a crooked smile. "You feel different, too. Compared to Private Mitra, I mean. I don't know any other biotics."

"Hendel Mitra?"

"Yeah. They assigned him to train me while I was at Arcturus. He told me the commander's son was a biotic, too, and that he had met you at Brain Camp, but I didn't know you back then."

Kaidan suddenly looked apprehensive. "Did he tell you what happened there?"

"No. I know it was something bad. Your mom told me you came back different from there."

"Let's just drop it," he said at the same time she asked, "What happened?" It must have been something really serious, because not even her friend Emily with her investigative reporter tendencies could find out a thing about it.

"It was so fucked up. I don't want to talk about it," he said.

"Come on. It can't be worse than what happened to me."

"I didn't know it was a competition. And you never talk about what happened to you."

"But, you know, don't you? It was all over the news. While I don't know anything about your thing. It's not fair."

"Okay, if you really want to know, I killed someone," he spoke sharply.

She was unimpressed. "Bullshit. If you're just trying to scare me, it won't work."

It didn't seem like he was even listening to her anymore though. Dragging his hands over his face, he exhaled heavily and muttered, "God, I need a drink."

Lisa leaned back on her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "I know where your father stashes his liquor."

Now he was listening.

* * *

12/05/2170

Lisa Mae woke up with a start. There was too much light in the room and she blinked a few times until her eyes grew accustomed to the brightness. She instantly jumped to her feet, knocking an empty bottle of whisky on the floor, when she realized that she had slept snuggled on the couch with Kaidan. Her skin was still warm and tingling from being close to him and his biotics for so long. Ha! She had to tell Emily about this; her friend was going to have a field day!

And that reminded her… Shit! She was late for school!

* * *

It took Kaidan a few moments to realize where he was and what was going on. The first thing he saw was a frantic Jane running around, getting ready for school.

"I'm taking your car. Is it okay if I take your car?" She was trying to put on her shoes as she walked. It wasn't working.

He stretched out his arms and yawned. "Why don't you take Mom's?"

Jane made a face. "Yeah, about that... She might have made me promise that I wouldn't take her car while she was traveling. And I usually walk to school, you know, because it's not that far and I always wake up early."

"Just not today," he pointed out.

"Not today," she repeated under her breath as she grabbed a bunch of snacks in the kitchen so she could eat on her way to school.

"I'll drive you," he offered. "Just give me a minute."

Kaidan went into to the bathroom to freshen up and straighten himself up as quickly as he could and then met her outside. It was not that he didn't trust her with his car, it was just that… well, he had a feeling that he _shouldn't _trust her with his car, since his mother apparently didn't either.

As she settled on the passenger seat, she handed him an apple. "For us biotics, skipping breakfast is not very wise."

He smiled and took the apple.

"Why don't I have a hangover?" she asked.

"Was this the first time you got drunk?"

"Yeah."

Damn, what had he done? She was just a kid; he shouldn't have agreed to that. "Well, it's different with biotics. We just sort of power through it. As long as you keep yourself fed and hydrated you should be fine."

"Oh? That is good to know."

He could only hope she wouldn't take that as encouragement to keep on drinking.

When he pulled over in front of her school, she thanked him and kissed him on the cheek before getting out of his car. It was just a quick peck, but it was enough to disturb his biotics. That was odd. They had just spent the night sort of together; his biotics should have been used to hers by now and not getting all riled up with such a small contact.

Already outside the car, she bent over to look at him through the passenger's window. "By the way, did we… hm... make out or something?"

"No. Of course not. God! I'd never… No!"

Blushing, she turned around and walked away from him as fast as she could. She looked disappointed and embarrassed. Had he offended her? Maybe he had been too vehement with his denial, but she couldn't possibly be thinking he would try something when she was drunk, even if he was drunk, too. Or, that he would be interested in her _that_ way. Because he was not. She was just too crazy. And weird. And not right for him.


	7. Barriers

_Thank you for all the reviews! It's very encouraging to know there's so many people enjoying this story!_

_Suilven was my beta for this chapter. She's a ridiculously awesome author and if you haven't read her fics yet, go now. You can come back here later. ;)_

_The lovely ChampTheWonderSnail made the cutest drawing of Lisa Mae/Jane Shepard. Check it out: experimentalgerbil. deviantart (dotcom) /art/Snuggle-Time-340152279 (remove the spaces and change the underlined bit for the real thing. Gosh, it took me forever to figure out a way for this site not to disappear with the "dotcom". Just splitting it doesn't work anymore). Thank you so much for the art, Champ!_

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Barriers **

12/05/2170

"… and he looked horrified by the idea that we might have made out," Jane finished her account of her last encounter with Kaidan.

"Maybe he thought you were asking if you'd had sex," Emily offered.

"I didn't have to ask that! I was sure we didn't. And honestly, Emz, that doesn't make it any better. No matter what he thought I was asking, he seemed disgusted to even consider it."

Emily hated to see her friend miserable like that. Since she had tried so hard to convince Jane that she had a chance with Kaidan, she couldn't help but feel a little guilty about the way it had all played out.

Jane deserved some happiness; she was such a mess. If only Emily could set her up with someone else, but the boys at their school were out of the question. They always made fun of her and, foolishly, not always behind her back. If they kept pushing her like that, Emily didn't put it past Jane to snap and go all Stephen King's Carrie on their asses.

Maybe it would be best if Emily waited a few more days before breaking the news to Jane that she had a new boyfriend…

* * *

12/12/2170

Lisa hadn't seen Kaidan since he had driven her to school the morning after his birthday. But, she figured he would show up there soon, since Mrs. Alenko had called and said she would be back tomorrow from Singapore. Lisa didn't know why she had been thinking about him so much, why she even cared. The guy clearly wasn't interested in her. It was just that she had been feeling even lonelier than ever since Emily had gotten a boyfriend, combined with the fact that the Alenkos were away and that she didn't have any other friends… she just wanted someone to talk to and spend some time with.

In moments like this, she really missed Jarell. The orphanage had already kicked him out by now and she hoped he was doing fine by himself.

Lisa was all sweaty, in the middle of a workout session in the room Commander Alenko had repurposed into a gym, and completely caught up in her thoughts when Kaidan came in, startling her and making her flare up instinctively.

"Hey, relax. It's me. Who did you think it was?" he asked.

"I don't know. Not you, since you haven't come here in days."

"Yeah, sorry about that." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Mom told me to check on you every other day, but I, uh… was busy, so if you could please not tell her I didn't come…"

Suddenly, she felt an irresistible urge to start training with the punching bag. "I won't. And you didn't have to come here just for that. You could have called."

He seemed to have something else on his mind though, and just ignored her reply. "Why did you flare when I came in instead of throwing up a barrier?"

"You startled me, but I didn't think I was in any danger, so…"

He opened his mouth to say something, but she had a feeling she knew what it would be about and beat him to it. "I don't know how to throw up a barrier. Private Mitra never taught me."

"Are you serious? It should've been your first lesson."

"The guy was eighteen, Kaidan. He wasn't exactly qualified to teach. He only got the job because there were no other biotics on the station. What did you expect?"

They were quiet for a while until she lost her patience. "Are you going to teach me or what?"

He hesitated and she rolled her eyes. It was obvious that he was coming around on all his issues against biotics, but he was stubborn and wouldn't admit it. As an incentive, she used a biotic throw on her sweaty gym towel, launching it towards him. He looked positively disgusted by it but, as she had predicted, the residual dark energy on the towel made him instantly flare as he got hit. Good thing he sucked at pretending he didn't enjoy it when she teased his dark energy into flames.

"Teach me. I know you want to."

For a while longer, he resisted and, to humor him, she kept insisting—instead of calling him on his feigned reluctance—until he finally agreed.

* * *

"You don't need any movements or gestures to create a barrier. It's similar to a flare, but you have to make it steadier and stronger, so you have to focus. Let's try it like this: Close your eyes."

Jane straightened herself up, squared her shoulders, took a deep breath and did as he said.

"Let dark energy pool inside you. When you feel it's strong enough, let it out."

Only seconds later, she flared. It was chaotic and rampant as usual, and Kaidan had to concentrate not to flare, too.

"Now, focus on your body; your limbs, fingers, toes, every part of you. You have to mold your mass effect field around you and keep it that way. Don't let the energy flow freely, do not waste it. Try to control it, to hold it all around you."

It was taking more time than he'd thought it would. By the way her hands clenched into fists and sweat broke on her forehead, he could tell she was struggling with the urge to make a move and discharge all that energy, turn it into a pull or a throw. She wanted to use it, not hold it back.

Maybe he wasn't explaining it right. He didn't have to learn how to throw up a barrier, he just knew it. He'd been able to do it since he was a kid. The instructions he gave Jane were the same he had heard repeated several times to the other biotics at Brain Camp, but he had never needed to follow them.

"Stop. Open your eyes."

Her tight tank top and shorts allowed him to see her muscles relaxing as she complied. Her body was beautiful, toned and slim. He knew she worked out a lot in the gym and jogged on the beach. That was his father's doing—he was grooming her to be a marine. _The career Dad wanted for me, but I refused, so he replaced me with this girl._

His bitter thought must have showed on his face, because Jane asked if there was something wrong. Kaidan was not unreasonable. He knew it was not her fault. His mother was right—he had to be nice to Jane. She was family. Sort of. "Let's try it again."

There was no improvement on her second try. That technique might have worked for the kids at Brain Camp, but it seemed it was no good for someone like her, whose biotics were wild and powerful and above average. Perhaps, if she felt him doing it, she would understand how it worked and would be able to do the same…

He told her his idea, but did not move, unsure of how to carry it out. In theory, it was possible to expand a barrier enough to envelop other people. Kaidan had never done it and had never seen anyone do it either. Most probably, it was extremely draining, thus not recommended. He wasn't going to try it now, without enough information on the matter and without his amp. It seemed there was only one other way to follow through with his idea then.

While he was over thinking the issue, Jane had already reached her own conclusions and taken charge. She turned around, pressed her back against his chest, and drew his arms around her. "All right. Do it."

It was much more contact than he expected and his breath caught in his throat. Her closeness provoked a sudden spike in his biotics and, thankfully, he was skilled enough to channel most of that energy into a barrier.

His barrier had never been this strong, almost purple instead of the usual light blue, and it did something to Jane. She gasped and shuddered in his arms and, for some reason, he was pleased to see that he could affect her like she affected him. When she drew her next breath, a barrier was formed around her. Her barrier. His idea had worked.

He immediately missed her as she slipped out of his embrace and turned to face him. Surely it was just because she was warm and the room was colder than usual. Her smell—of eezo, sweat, and a hint of lemon that was probably from her shampoo—lingered and he decided it wasn't as bad as he had thought it would be when she had thrown her towel at him.

Her barrier was still glowing around her and he met her crooked smile with a proud one. Not that she could give any other kind of smile, but he liked crooked. And the dimple on her left cheek, had it always been there? He had never noticed it before. It was really cute.

_Okay, enough of this_. Kaidan tried to shake those weird thoughts about her out of his head. If he hadn't been alone for so long, he wouldn't be getting all worked up around this girl. It was most probably just an effect of her crazy biotics interacting with his anyway. He should get himself back out there, go on dates, get a girlfriend and he would be fine.

For good measure, he put some more distance between them. "So, do you think you got it?" She nodded. "Good. Try it again, by yourself now."

* * *

12/31/2170

Kaidan invited Lisa to spend New Year's Eve on the beach with him and some friends. There were going to be fireworks at midnight on the English Bay, but they wouldn't be watching it from one of the hottest and most popular downtown beaches. Instead, they were going to the Ambleside Beach, on the north shore. It was a quieter place, visited mostly by couples. Emily was sure that, this time, it was a date. Lisa was sure it wasn't.

The day he had taught her how to throw up a barrier had been… interesting. She was glad she hadn't learnt it before. Kaidan's teaching "technique" had been much quicker and more effective than Mitra's. She wondered if his adorable flush afterwards was just a figment of her imagination. It probably was, since he had kept his distance from her the next couple of times they'd met, including during the tense and awkward Christmas dinner at his parents'. So, no, tonight was not a date.

It was a good thing that she had kept repeating that to herself and hadn't let Emily's enthusiasm rub off on her because, when she met Kaidan that evening, her disappointment wasn't too great. The "friends" he had told her would be there were actually a beautiful blonde girl that was all over him, and a fairly good-looking guy whose name and occupation Lisa hadn't bothered committing to memory since he had shot her one look, his eyes had drifted to her scarred cheek, and then he had said that something had come up and that he had to leave.

Kaidan and his date bought the guy's excuse right away, clueless about the real reason he had left (or just not caring enough to give it a second thought). Lisa wasn't surprised. The blonde woman was practically latched on to Kaidan and hadn't spared a single glance in Lisa's direction, so she most probably hadn't even noticed the scar. And Kaidan was too distracted by that damned woman attached to his neck.

Blowing out an annoyed breath, Lisa put some distance between them so she would be less of a third wheel, and sat down on the sand to wait for the fireworks. She looked around her and all she saw were couples making out. Maybe she should go back to the Alenkos and watch the fireworks alone from their balcony or just go to bed early and wake up next year.

A loud laugh startled her. It had come from Kaidan's date. He wasn't that funny. That girl was trying too hard.

A few seconds later, another ear-splitting laugh. Lisa was starting to get irritated and she checked her omni-tool for the time. Exactly seven minutes had gone by since she had arrived on the beach, but it felt like a lifetime already. There was no way she was going to stay there until midnight.

Kaidan opened two beers from a six-pack he had brought with him and handed one to his date. Lisa knew she was not allowed to drink at age seventeen but, nevertheless, it annoyed her that they didn't offer her any. She shot them a nasty sideways glance and his eyes met hers briefly before turning back to his girlfriend. He said something that Lisa couldn't quite catch, and the obnoxious woman burst into clearly forced laughter for the third time in less than fifteen minutes.

The aggravating noise made Lisa cringe and she decided she had had enough. Staring at Kaidan with a challenging look on her face, she let wisps of dark energy flow from her fingers.

He glared at her, causing his date to turn around to see what was going on, but Lisa ended the wisps just in time for the woman to miss them. _So, he didn't tell her he's a biotic? That's interesting. I wonder what excuse he made up for the creepy headjack… _

Lisa let energy erupt from her hands two more times, each time increasing the strength of her discharge and having fun as she watched Kaidan get all nervous and fidgety, certainly worried that his date might see what she was doing or, even worse, that his control might slip and he would flare in front of her.

The blonde remained unaware though, and reached blindly for a second a beer, her eyes focused on Kaidan's handsome face. Lisa took the chance to use a biotic pull and get for herself the bottle the woman's wandering hand was about to touch.

Popping it open, Lisa took a swig and met Kaidan's angry stare with a petulant one.

This time, his date noticed something was amiss and looked from one to the other, asking him what was going on. He hastily said it was nothing, gave her a beer and put an arm around her, pulling her closer to him.

Lisa scoffed and rolled her eyes. She should have left a long time ago. The only problem was that, since the Alenkos had gone out to a party and Emily was with her own family, if Lisa left, she would be utterly and completely alone. Being alone wasn't the issue per se; she was used to spending a lot of time on her own by now. The real problem was the time of the year. Lisa hadn't anticipated that the holidays would make her hurt as much as the day after the attack on Mindoir. It was as if her wounds were all fresh and open again, but not the physical ones. The pain wouldn't be nearly as great if it were physical wounds that were making her bleed.

Seeing all those happy families on the streets, on TV, on all the commercials; everyone grinning, shopping, stuffing themselves, and having fun when hers was gone; it was so unfair. She still felt guilty. She still spent way too much time torturing herself with what-ifs. If she'd known how to use her biotics to fight for them, or at least if she had learned how to control her flares, or if she hadn't gone to hide with them in the pantry, if, if, if… There was no end to those thoughts. When they started coming, they would trap her for hours.

The day Mrs. Alenko had asked her help to set up the Christmas tree, about a month ago, Lisa had made up an excuse and left the house to hang out alone on the beach for a good few hours until it had seemed safe to presume the tree would be all set up and decorated. That day, it had hit her that her family wasn't going to be around for Christmas, New Year's Eve, or any other celebration, and that all their habits and traditions were gone with them. The Christmas tree, for instance, her family would usually set it up only a week before Christmas, because her father had always wanted to be the one to choose the tree and then cut it down by himself. But, then he would procrastinate forever because he was too busy with the farm, and choosing the perfect tree took a lot of time, and then her mother would pester him a thousand times a day for not having a tree yet. Lisa used to find that so annoying, but now she missed it and it hurt.

That was why she was putting up with being a third wheel for Kaidan and what's-her-name. If she were to be alone right now, Lisa feared she might suffocate on her grief, since she was missing so badly even the silly things her family used to do during the holidays. She needed a distraction and disturbing those two lovebirds was as good as any.

When Kaidan reached for the second to last beer, Lisa waved her arm at the same time, releasing a biotic pull to take the bottle away from him. It was bit sudden, and the pull came out messy; the mass effect field generated was considerably larger and stronger than needed. There was no way for the blonde woman to miss it this time and, as she screamed, Kaidan flared, which did not help at all. His date looked terrified as she scrambled to her feet and ran away from them, already yelling for a taxi.

Kaidan strode purposefully towards Lisa, his eyes narrowed to slits and his nostrils flaring. "Why would you do that?"

She lost focus on the pull and the bottle fell to the ground. "Why are you even talking to me? Go after her."

He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation and shook his head. "Didn't you see how scared she looked? Do you think she'll still want to talk to me after this?"

"Why not? I would." Lisa shrugged and used her best nonchalant tone just to annoy him more.

It worked a bit too well and he pointed an angry finger at her. "_You_ don't count, because you're a freak, too."

Until that moment, she had managed to keep her cool. She had provoked him, yes, but his retort was a lot harsher than she was willing to take and she lost it completely. Her whole body lit up as she waved her arm, attacking him with a biotic throw. It died down instantly on his barrier, without getting him to move even a single inch backwards.

Lisa was taken aback. They were two feet away from each other; how could he have formed such a strong solid barrier so fast? He must have felt her building up energy for that throw and had been already prepared for it when she'd released it. Still, it had been a shockingly fast and solid response and she wondered if he was using his amp.

"You attacked me? What is wrong with you?" Kaidan was fuming and didn't even try to keep his voice down.

He didn't see it? "_Everything_ is wrong with me." She matched his tone and volume. "On New Year's Eve, Dad would spend a whole hour in the orchard choosing the perfect pomegranate for us to eat the fucking seeds for good luck. Mom would make us eat twelve damned grapes at midnight. And Grandma wouldn't stop annoying everyone until we all ate a good portion of her horrible bland and overcooked black-eyed peas. They had all these stupid traditions from the places they were born and the places they'd lived before moving to fucking Mindoir. We'd spend all night involved with that shit," she blurted out angrily. Tears burned in the back of her eyes and she turned away from him, sucking in a shuddering breath as she tried to keep them from rolling down her face.

Kaidan raked his fingers through his hair and exhaled loudly. "Stop cursing so much; it won't help."

Lisa kept her eyes down, immediately regretting her outburst and embarrassed for having attacked him. "Look, I wouldn't have let you get hurt. I'd have used a pull before you hit something," she said sheepishly.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, too. I didn't know you… I had no idea. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"I don't want your pity."

"Good, because that's not what I'm offering. So, what can I do?"

She pulled her coat tighter, protectively around her. Her eyes were stubbornly fixed on a random spot on the ground. "No."

"'No'? What kind of answer is that?" He sounded frustrated, but he did not give up. "What was your thing on New Year's Eve? We could do that."

"I didn't have a thing. I just rolled my eyes at my family for doing theirs. Had no idea I'd miss that crap."

"Okay. How about we do my thing then?"

That piqued her curiosity and her eyes met his. It was obvious he didn't have any traditions of his own either, and she wondered what he could have come up with so out of the blue. "And what would that be?"

There were two beers left and he handed her one. "Having a beer on the beach."

It wasn't bad. It was simple and Lisa went along with his last minute, made up "tradition". He was trying to do something for her and she appreciated it.

For a while, they just stood there, side by side, staring at the ocean and drinking their beers, for the first time in a companionable silence. No, it was not bad at all.

When they were done, she watched as he gathered all the empty bottles to drop in the closest recycling bin and couldn't take her eyes off his ass. He had a fine ass. And, she had no idea why she cared about that. She shouldn't. That ass was just another reminder of how gorgeous and how way out of her league he was.

Yet, the guy he had brought to meet her had been really cute, so maybe Kaidan didn't find her completely hideous. "Why would you set me up on a date?" She couldn't figure that out, she had to ask.

"Devon's just started working at the shop. He's eighteen, so I'd thought—"

"You thought he would like me just because we're about the same age?" she asked, fighting the urge to roll her eyes.

"Look, Mom said you were spending too much time alone since your friend got a boyfriend. I was trying to help."

"Help? Setting a guy up on a blind date with me? Really? Look at me, Kaidan. See anything out of the ordinary?" she asked, her sarcastic tone causing his eyebrows to furrow in suspicion.

"I don't know. Is that a trick question?"

"Just answer it."

"Fine. Hm… your lipstick, it's a different shade from your usual one. It's darker. I like it." As he spoke his voice lowered, grew huskier with each word. He seemed a little flustered, but did not break eye contact.

Lisa, on the other hand, blushed to the tip of her ears and looked away, her pulse suddenly quickening. That was not what she'd expected. She was sure the first thing he'd mention would be the scar, proving her point that someone like her couldn't be set up on blind dates because she'd always be rejected at first sight.

"Have I said something wrong?" he asked.

Trying to recompose herself, she took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "No. It's not that. I, uh… thank you."

He looked confused, so she tried to explain. "Your friend, he took one look at me and left. You hadn't warned him about the scar and I thought… Well, I didn't know it was because you didn't mind it."

His lips curled into a sweet a smile and, for a moment, they just stared into each other's eyes. There was a burst of light and color in the sky indicating that the New Year had just begun, but neither broke eye contact to look up.

"Happy New Year, Jane," he wished her.

"Happy New Year, Kaidan," she wished him, and then they hugged, causing a burst of light and color of their own.

When their biotics finally settled and they pulled away, he asked her if she wanted to stay and watch the rest of the fireworks together. She nodded her agreement, and they sat down side by side on the sand. There was no one else on the beach. They had scared all the other couples away.

Leaning her head on his shoulder as he put an arm around her, she sighed. 2171 was off to a good start.

* * *

01/07/2171

Emily was looking at her friend in disbelief. "And after all that, you didn't kiss him?"

"No," Lisa said. "I don't think he likes me in _that_ way, Emz. Plus, he had been kissing that blonde all evening."

"So?"

"So? I'm not going to kiss someone after they just kissed somebody else. That's disgusting!"

Emily rolled her eyes dramatically. "It is not."

"It is, too!"

"Look, this isn't going anywhere. Let's just try to figure out how we make him like you in _that_ way then."

"Or, we could just drop this. His father is in town, so I probably won't be seeing him for a while."

"That just means we've got more time to figure this out."


	8. Control

_Dear readers, I love you! You made me really happy this year with your lovely reviews and all the interest you showed in this story. This is the last update of 2012, but if you feel up to some more F!Shenko, check out the one shot I wrote as a Secret Santa gift to Saga Svanhildr. It's called Step Inside Love. _

_Thank you to my beta, the amazing, talented Suilven. _

_Happy New Year, everyone!_

* * *

**Chapter 8 – Control**

03/24/2171

Barbra was watching them from the window in her bedroom. She could get a better view from the balcony, but then they would notice her there and she was afraid her presence might interfere with their dynamics. She didn't want to intrude. They were always more comfortable with each other when it was just the two of them.

Right now, Kaidan was using an exercise ball from their gym to teach Jane a new biotic move. He would send the ball rolling across the backyard and she was supposed to make it stop with a stasis field. After several failed attempts, in which she had either made the ball float up in the air or thrown it even further away, he had decided to just leave it on the ground, right in front of her. It had made no difference. She couldn't get it right, even with all his additional instructions and a dozen demonstrations.

By the way he was pacing and kept shaking his head, his mother could tell he was growing frustrated and impatient, but Jane seemed like she was having fun.

After a few more failed attempts, they started arguing and Barbra hoped Kaidan wouldn't give up. He threw his hands up in the air and she sighed sadly, thinking that was it. To her surprise, he went to stand behind Jane instead. With one arm curled around her waist, he pulled her against his chest. The contact made them both flare, and Jane gasped as Kaidan inhaled a sharp breath. It seemed oddly intimate and Barbra felt embarrassed and looked away.

When she looked at them again, Kaidan was still holding Jane and waving his free arm, which created a stasis field around the ball. After his field had died down, he used his hand to guide Jane's and repeat the gesture. The field that was formed around the exercise ball this time was not as bright and thick as the previous one. Definitely hers. They had finally done it.

Grinning, Jane turned around and threw her arms around Kaidan's neck. He returned the hug, even lifting her off the ground for a brief second, the most beautiful smile on his face. It was a wide, genuine smile like Barbra hadn't seen since he had returned from Jump Zero. It was a glimpse of her old son, of a time when he was happy and whole, and it brought tears to her eyes.

From the start, she had known that, if Kaidan would give Jane a chance, these two would be good for each other. It had taken him long enough—he was too stubborn—but it had happened and he was making peace with himself; using his powers again and re-gaining his confidence. It was all thanks to Jane. And, thanks to him, Jane was not so closed off to the world anymore, allowing herself to feel and to laugh again.

Barbra was so happy for them, for her small family.

* * *

04/26/2171

Lisa looked at herself in the mirror and shook her head. This had been a bad idea. "I shouldn't have let you convince me to do this, Emz. I look stupid."

"C'mon, Jane. We've been over this. First, there was his ex-girlfriend… Raissa?"

"I think it was Reena."

"Nah. Radha, perhaps?"

"Could be. Or, was it Raika?" Lisa really had no idea, even though Mrs. Alenko had told her about this girl, about how beautiful, nice, and sweet she'd been. She had been Kaidan's first girlfriend. Lisa also knew her from the pictures in the frame she had broken at his place.

"Anyway, there was her, and then there was his date on New Year's Eve. He likes blondes, Jane. I think it's worth a shot."

It really wasn't. Lisa was glad Kaidan didn't despise her anymore and that was enough for her. Expecting something more, that someone like him would fall for her, was asking to have her heart broken.

She was sure she looked ridiculous with her new hair color. To make things worse, it was getting her more attention at school and not the good kind. But, she knew Emily wouldn't leave her alone if she dyed it brown again before meeting with Kaidan at least once, so she decided to keep it blonde until his next visit. She just hoped it wouldn't take too long.

* * *

05/16/2171

Barbra's tool chimed. The call traced back to Jane's friend, Emily, which was odd. It was still early in the day; weren't they at school?

"Mrs. Alenko? This is Emily Wong."

"Hi, dear. How are you? Aren't you at school with Jane?"

"Yeah. Look… Principal Fischer, he… he will be calling you any time now and I just wanted you to know that the situation is not as bad as it seems. You know principals, right? They can be such drama queens."

"What is going on, Emily? Is Jane all right?"

"She's fine. It's just… did she ever tell you she was being bullied?"

"No. Why didn't she tell me that?"

"Yeah… I begged her to tell someone—one of the teachers, the principal, the school counselor—but, you know how she is. She's not the sharing type. "

"What's going on? Spit it out, young lady!" Mrs. Alenko's tone was all business.

"Well, she might have, you know, snapped just a little bit and those biotics of hers can get a little out of control…"

"Oh, God!"

"No one was harmed… much. There are three guys in the hospital, but I think they were just acting… mostly. Probably."

"Where are you?"

"They wouldn't let me go with her, but I think she was taken to the principal's office. The bullies are at Vancouver General."

Mrs. Alenko's hands were trembling when she ended the call with Emily to answer the principal's. Was this what had happened to Kaidan all over again?

"Mrs. Alenko, this is unacceptable." Mr. Fischer was fuming and skipped any pleasantries. "You were aware of our policy. All medical conditions must be disclosed at enrollment so the school can be prepared in case of an emergency."

"Biotics are not a medical condition!"

"I have to disagree with you on that, Mrs. Alenko. Biotics are a disease that cause violent behavior, insanity, and who knows what else!"

"Clearly, you wouldn't even have accepted her if you knew about it beforehand."

"We wouldn't have, and we would have been right in doing so. She endangered the lives of our students."

"She was protecting herself from bullies!"

"If she was being bullied, she should have come to us. She shouldn't have taken care of it by herself—assuming that this is true, of course, which it most probably isn't. I have to expel her; there's no other way. And further action will be taken in accordance with what the police say should be done in situations like this. Your immediate presence is required at our school so we can resolve this issue."

"I'll be right there." Barbra ended the call with the principal and contacted her son. "Kaidan, I think I might need your help."

* * *

Kaidan had heard only his mother's side of the story—that Jane was being bullied, lost control of her biotics, and hurt three kids. It didn't seem right. Jane was so smart, athletic, and… beautiful in her own way. Why would anyone pick on her?

He got Devon to cover for him at the shop and met his mother at Jane's school, the same one he had gone to before he'd been shipped off to Jump Zero. In the hallway, there were angry parents and teachers shouting and complaining, and Kaidan hoped he and his mom would manage to get Jane out of there fast. It seemed it wouldn't take much for the situation to get out of hand.

When they got into the room that Jane was being held in, they were horrified to find her cuffed, and with dried blood under her nose, on her shirt, and hands. A small crowd surrounded her, made up of the school's principal, counselor and security guards, as well as police officers and even a special ops unit.

As Kaidan and his mother came closer to Jane, she screamed and squirmed, falling to her knees.

"What is going on? What are you doing to her?" Mrs. Alenko asked, indignant.

"This girl is dangerous, Mrs. Alenko. She needs to be contained. There are three students in the hospital! How are we going to explain to their parents, to all those parents outside, that we allowed a dangerous, unstable individual to attend our school? Their kids are supposed to be safe here!" the principal bellowed, outraged.

Kaidan was waging a war with himself to control his biotics while witnessing the horrible scene playing out in front of him. Painful memories of all the injustices he and the other kids had had to endure at Brain Camp came to the surface of his mind. If Jane weren't a biotic, she wouldn't be treated like this. It was ridiculous that so many security guards, police officers, and even a special ops unit, had been mobilized to take care of one seventeen-year-old girl.

Without a second thought, he moved towards her, wanting to comfort her, to tell her it was going to be all right, but she flinched and then her body jerked violently.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan. It's the cuffs," she muttered weakly.

A man from the special ops unit explained mechanically, as if he was reading from a manual, that the cuffs were a prototype they had been testing, specially designed to restrain suspects with biotic abilities. They were equipped with sensors that would pick up on the activation of the suspect's biotic implants and give them a small shock to disrupt the channeling and discharge of dark energy. The electrical pulse was delivered at an average of 600 volts, carrying a low-current of 0.005 amps.

Aghast, Kaidan immediately stepped away from her so his own right-now-very-poorly-controlled biotics wouldn't disturb hers more. The realization that he had been responsible for her being shocked the previous two times was killing him already.

"Mrs. Alenko, I'm so sorry. I'll go back to the orphanage. You don't need to keep me. I'm sorry," Jane murmured with difficulty, her breathing labored and skin slick with sweat. Who knew how much she had already endured before they had gotten there.

"Don't say that, dear. You're part of our family. Rylan and I love you like a daughter," Barbra said, barely keeping her voice from breaking as she lowered herself down and put her arms around Jane. "You need to be calm, so they won't hurt you anymore, okay?"

Jane nodded once, quietly, and lowered her head to Mrs. Alenko's shoulder, out of exhaustion more than anything else. She was shaking and pale, looking like she might pass out at any minute.

"Please, get her out of those things," the older woman begged the policemen.

"We cannot do that until we are sure she's not endangering anyone else, ma'am."

"She isn't! Look at her! Let me take her home!"

"She will have to appear in court to answer for her actions. A doctor and a psychiatrist will be appointed to examine her as soon as possible, so we can determine how much of a danger she is to society," one of the officers informed them. "Until her court appointment, she's going to be held at a reintegration center for young offenders."

Kaidan felt his blood boil in his veins. It was inhuman what they were doing to her. The dark energy in him was running rampant, threatening to erupt and making his head hurt as he put his own self-control to the test. He would've thrown these men across the room already if not for those cruel shackles on Jane's wrists. Given the way their biotics usually interacted, it would certainly cause her too much pain if he lost control now.

"No! You can't take her away from us! There must be another way!" his mother protested.

"This menace—" the principal started, before the school counselor interrupted him.

"Maybe we should take this to another room?"

Kaidan was relieved that they all agreed. Jane certainly could do without listening to them insult her.

His mother helped her to a chair and asked him to stay with her before following the others into the next office. A few security guards and policemen stayed behind to watch Jane, as if she would be able to do anything in the state she was in.

Kaidan rubbed his temples. His head was throbbing; a migraine already creeping its way into his brain. "I'm sorry." He didn't meet her eyes as he said those words, hating himself for not being able to help.

"What for?"

"For causing you pain. When I came in, I… I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"I wish I could help."

She gave him a faint smile. "I know, and it's enough for me. Thank you."

Well, that made him feel like shit. He should be the one comforting her and not the other way around. "Would it be better if I waited outside? I don't want to—"

"No, please… stay. You can stay. I'm fine."

She wasn't fine. Her voice was so weak, that could only be a lie. From the bottom of his heart, Kaidan hoped they wouldn't take Jane from his parents, and promised silently to himself that he would help her get over this.

After a while, his mother burst back into the room and hugged Jane. "We're going home, dear. They'll take those things off you. Everything's going to be fine, you hear me?"

Right behind her, the head of the special ops unit was speaking, "An officer will escort her and the cuffs will be removed only at the destination. This does not exclude the suspect from her obligation to appear in court or her attendance at the appointments with the doctors that will be assigned to her case."

Kaidan hated the man's tone and attitude as he said those words, and how she was dragged out of there like a criminal and pushed into a patrol car. The mob of angry parents followed them until she was out of the school premises, yelling insults and threats, only a few pitchforks short of a witch hunt from the medieval era.

It was revolting that human biotics were feared this much; outright considered dangerous by society, labeled as prone to violence and insanity. No one even tried to understand them, to give them a chance... except for the Alliance.

"How did you convince them?" he asked his mother.

"Called your father and he got Captain Hackett and even Admiral Yoshida to intervene in Jane's favor."

Of course. Jane was a biotic and wanted to become a soldier. The Alliance wasn't going to give up on a potential biotic recruit only because she'd attacked a few kids. Hell, he had killed someone and the Alliance still wanted him. They were willing to overlook anything so they could have more biotics in their ranks. For better or for worse, only the Alliance valued them.

* * *

Only once Jane was inside the house, did the police officer remove the cuffs from her wrists. She was a wreck and, without a word to anyone, she locked herself in the bathroom. The shower was turned on, but Kaidan and his mother could still hear her strangled sobs along with the noise of running water.

Barbra went over to the bathroom door, trying to get Jane to open it and make sure she was okay. There was still nothing Kaidan could do for her, but he wouldn't leave. She might need him later. He knew what she was going through, he had been there; he knew what it felt like.

Trying to manage his migraine with only half the dosage of painkillers he was used to taking—he would be of no use to anyone if he was out of it—Kaidan waited, slumped on the couch, his arm covering his eyes so the daylight wouldn't worsen his condition.

The doorbell rang and he thought his head might explode. His mother had just managed to get Jane out of the bathroom and they were locked up in his old bedroom now, so he had to push himself to his feet to answer the door.

It was Emily, who was coming from the school and had stopped by to see how her friend was. Kaidan let her in and gave her the short version of that afternoon's events.

"I still don't know what happened exactly. Were you there?" Kaidan asked her.

"Yeah. I have footage." Emily powered on her tool.

"You were filming instead of getting help?"

"It wasn't like that. Jane hadn't wanted to tell anyone about the bullying, but I'd decided to go ahead and tell the school counselor, Mr. Peltier, anyway. When he went to talk to her about it, she denied everything and said I'd been mistaken. She's got a temper, that one, you know?" Emily shook her head. "I was afraid something like this might happen. I was planning to catch the bullies on film and show the principal, so she wouldn't be able to deny what they were doing to her. But, then… I don't want to say it. You can watch it, if you want to know."

Kaidan leaned forward to watch the footage on the holoscreen of Emily's tool. It started with Jane coming over to Emily's table in the school's cafeteria. Her head was down, her hair covering her scar, but it didn't keep the kids at a nearby table from snickering and calling her "Two-Face" as she passed by. They teased her about having dyed her hair blonde and said that no matter what she did she would still be "butt-ugly."

Why would they say that? Just because of the scar on her cheek? Hadn't they noticed her soulful dark chocolate eyes, her cute crooked smile, and her lean, shapely body? The blonde hair… it had been a bad decision; the old color suited her better, but she was still beautiful.

Kaidan was already pissed at those nasty kids, and it surprised him that Jane didn't look upset at all, only bored as she settled down at the table with her tray.

The kids got up. Jane was minding her own business, but they wouldn't leave her alone. What Kaidan heard next made him flare up in anger, so he could only imagine what it had done to Jane. The bullies said her mother had become a whore for the batarians and that Jane had been left behind on Mindoir because she wasn't good enough even for that.

The holoscreen suddenly flashed a blinding white and Kaidan had to avert his eyes. Emily explained that that was the moment when Jane had lost control of her biotics. As the light subsided, he saw Jane enveloped in fading blue flames and wiping blood from her nose. Three of the bullies were on the ground; there were chairs and tables upside down, and the other kids were screaming and running from the cafeteria.

To do something like that without an amp wasn't for just anyone.

"How do they know about Mindoir?" Kaidan asked Emily.

"From the news, but the news failed to mention the sole survivor was a biotic. Those bullies had no idea what they were dealing with, but they deserved what they got if you ask me."

Their conversation was interrupted by Mrs. Alenko, looking drained as she left Jane's room. "She's sleeping now. I'm going over to the hospital to see how those three injured students are doing and talk to their parents. Will you stay here? I don't want her to be alone."

It wasn't clear if she was talking to Kaidan, or Emily, or both, and the two of them nodded in agreement.

Kaidan couldn't bring himself to really worry about the three bullies. It was for Jane's sake that he was hoping they would be fine. The guilt he carried, he wished on no one.

By now, the medication had kicked in, mitigating some of his pain. Maybe it would help if he ate something, which reminded him that Jane hadn't eaten anything in the last few hours. Being a biotic, and after what had happened, she would certainly be starving.

He went into the kitchen and quickly fixed some sandwiches. "Emily, would you please take this to Jane? She must be hungry."

"Nah, you do it."

"You're her friend. I think she might want to talk to you."

"Honestly, I think right now she'd rather talk to someone who's a biotic like her. Everything that's happened, and whatever she's going through, you certainly understand it all much better than I do."

Emily was right. He knew what Jane was going through and he could help her. So, he made a tray with sandwiches and energy drinks for the two of them and went to knock on her door.


	9. Sharing

_A/N: As you may have noticed, I've never mentioned medi-gel in this story. It's because I'm considering it hasn't been invented yet. Also, I made up a middle name for Kaidan. In my head, it's after his grandfather on his mother side. Hope you don't mind._

_ChampTheWonderSnail coloured her drawing of Lisa Mae and Urz . It looks awesome! Check it out (it's called Snuggle Time) and her other works, too, on DeviantArt. You'll find her there under the name ExperimentalGerbil._

_Thank you to my wonderful beta, Suilven, and to everyone who has read, reviewed and faved this story. It means a lot to me knowing that you're enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it._

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Sharing**

"Jane, are you awake?" Kaidan asked softly.

"No."

Her answer brought a sad smile to his lips and he insisted. "I made you a sandwich. Can I come in?"

"Not hungry."

"Not true."

She sighed. "Fine."

The door unlocked and Kaidan went inside, carrying a tray with a few sandwiches and two energy drinks. Jane was sitting up on the bed with her back against the headboard. Her legs were tucked under the covers and she had changed into shorts and his old Star Wars t-shirt.

Kaidan pulled her desk chair closer to the bed and sat down to eat with her. It pleased him that his shirt was back with her and he would definitely comment on that later. Now, there were more important things for them to talk about.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"Do you want to talk about it?" His eyes were boring into hers, hoping to show her that despite all the times he had treated her badly just because of her biotics, he was on her side.

"No."

"I know what you're going through. This happened to me once, you know?"

She eyed him curiously, an eyebrow arching in doubt. "Really?"

"Yeah, I… remember how I told you I had killed a man?"

"That was true?"

He nodded. "His name was Vyrnnus, a turian. He was one of our instructors at Brain Camp. Things were… rough there. One day, Rahna reached for a glass of water instead of pulling it biotically and Vyrnnus went mad. He broke her arm, Jane, just because she wanted a drink without getting a nosebleed. And, like an idiot, I stood up. Didn't know what I was going to do, but I just… I had to do something."

His gaze fell to his lap and he might have left too long a pause, because Jane squeezed his hand to encourage him to go on. He looked at her, and then her hand was gone from his, and he found himself wishing he had held it before she'd pulled away.

"Vyrnnus was an ex-military commander," he continued. "He pushed us hard, too hard for most of the kids there, and he didn't tolerate insubordination. So, when I stood up, he wouldn't have it. He never liked me and didn't hesitate about hitting me. Hell, he beat the crap out of me."

"Is that how you got these?" She ran her fingers softly over the small scars on his lips and Kaidan closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. The dark energy in her left a faint tingling sensation across his skin in the wake of her touch and he wished her hand had lingered a little longer on his face.

Why was it that every time they touched it had to feel so damn intense? A brush of her bare skin against his and he couldn't concentrate on anything else.

"Yeah." At least he'd remembered she was still waiting for his answer. "At some point a knife came up and he had it right in my face. I… I cut loose, hit him with a full biotic kick, the strongest I've ever managed."

"And it killed him," she finished for him.

He almost corrected her. _I killed him, not it_, he thought about saying, but it wouldn't be of any help in trying to make her feel better.

"It was not your fault," she said and he wondered if he was that easy to read. Or, maybe it was just her who understood him better than anyone else.

Anyway, their conversation was not going according to his plans. How come whenever he tried to comfort her, she ended up comforting him instead? "Look, Jane, I want you to know I'm here for you. I know what you're going through. You can talk to me."

She gave him a quick nod. It seemed a bit dismissive. Would she rather talk to someone else?

"I mean it. I know you didn't want to hurt anyone," he insisted.

At that, she sucked in a shuddering breath and turned away from him. "But, I did."

"Jane?" He put a hand on her shoulder, but she still wouldn't look at him.

"I attacked them with all the power I could muster, Kaidan. I was so angry, I wanted to hurt them," she said, her voice breaking with the threat of tears.

"What?"

"Those bullies, they hadn't touched me. I wasn't fighting for my life or anything like that. It was not the same as what happened to you." She was shaking, nervous hands swiping at her eyes. "After Mindoir, I… I wanted to use my biotics to help people. But, today, I… How could I do this?"

Although she was still facing away from him, it was obvious she was crying. "I did not lose control; it was not an accident. I put all I had in that blow. I wanted to get them off my back for good."

It was not the first time Kaidan had had to deal with a crying woman. Rahna used to cry a lot, actually, when they'd been at Jump Zero. Whenever a student had died, or the teachers had been too rough, or she'd missed her family, she would burst into tears and Kaidan would hold her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear, and eventually the sobs would cease.

But, this situation was different. Despite everything that had happened to her, Kaidan had never seen Jane cry. However, when she'd gotten home earlier today, she had locked herself up in the bathroom, gone in the shower, and cried. Now, she was crying again. If she hadn't even shed any tears when she was wearing those cuffs that had shocked her whenever her implants were activated, he knew it took a hell lot to make her cry. So, it was safe to assume there was a lot more behind those tears than she was letting him know.

Suddenly, she was up and fussing with her stuff in the wardrobe. "You were right about me. I'm dangerous."

Was she thinking about leaving? In two quick strides, Kaidan was by her side and grabbed her arm to get her attention. "Hey, what are you doing?"

She finally looked at him, eyes red and puffy. "Your mother can't stay here alone with me."

He stepped between her and the wardrobe. "Jane, I'm so sorry I ever said those things. You would never hurt her. Or anyone. I know that now."

"I just did!" She tried to push past him, but he wouldn't budge.

"Only because they pushed you, they hurt you first. Emily recorded the whole thing; I saw the vid. You could have attacked them one by one and really harmed them, but you didn't. One throw for the three of them wouldn't cause too much damage; you knew that. It was… relatively safe, I guess."

"What if I were more powerful, or if I had had an amp?"

"But you aren't, and you don't. You knew exactly what you were doing."

"Still, I shouldn't have done it. I disappointed your mother. I disappointed them… again."

Even though he was facing her, Kaidan almost didn't catch that last sentence. It had been just a whisper. "_Them_?"

"My family." Her voice faltered and more tears rolled down her cheeks.

Now Kaidan knew what was really making her fall apart. She was shaking and he guided her back to the bed, relieved that she didn't offer any resistance. "Why would you think you'd disappointed your family?"

"After Mindoir, I promised I would make up for what happened to them. I would only use my biotics to help people."

"You don't have to make up for anything, Jane. You're not responsible for what happened there."

"It's my fault they're dead, Kaidan," she sobbed.

"Hey, come here." He scooted over to lean against the headboard and pulled her into his arms. She curled up between his legs, body resting against his chest, head tucked in the hollow of his neck and her legs draped over his thigh. Wisps of dark energy erupted and danced across their skin and he was glad she didn't try to hold them back.

Although, a second later, he was wishing she had. His whole body was reacting to her and... damn him, he wasn't reacting only to her biotics. Her closeness, her scent, her delicate feet with red toenails, her legs, long shapely bare legs...

Kaidan caught himself short of smoothing a hand over her thigh. What the fuck was wrong with him?

"We were hiding during the attack and I couldn't control myself. Back then, I didn't even know how. I was so scared… and then I flared… The batarians saw it and found us." Her voice was heavy, laced with pain and regret and her shoulders were quaking with her sobs.

He tightened his arms around her, burying all his inappropriate thoughts and feelings deep in his gut as he focused on giving her the comfort and reassurance she needed. "There were no other survivors on Mindoir, Jane. Those batarian slavers found and killed everyone. No hiding place was safe. You know that, right? It was not your fault."

Kaidan couldn't even imagine what it was like to live with that kind of guilt. It had been different with him. He regretted having killed Vyrnnus, but he was not sorry the guy was dead. What Jane was going through was way more complicated, and he didn't know if he could really help her, but he would try.

"I wanted to die with them. Should have died with them."

"Please, don't say that."

"I don't deserve to be alive, Kaidan, but, if I have to be, then I should be making up for what happened to my family; I should be trying to make them proud. Instead, I'm hurting people."

"Jane, you're helping much more than you know. Believe me. My parents are so proud of you."

She was shaking her head, tears still rolling down her face and soaking his shirt.

"You helped _me_, you know? You… you changed my life," he said at last, and his voice came out with more emotion than he had anticipated.

The sobs halted and she took a deep steadying breath as she raised her head to look at him. "How?"

"I didn't want to use my biotics ever again after I came back from Brain Camp. I… hated myself. Hated what I was, what I could do. But, then you came along, so eager to use your powers, so proud of the things you could do and… there's also the way your biotics feel all the time, so wild and untamed. It's like you're urging me on… It's hard to resist it."

"It's not always like this."

"Oh, it is. I feel it every time I'm near you. But, it's okay." _I love it._ "I got used to it."

"Yeah, but… it's not like this when you're not around." She looked down again, embarrassed, and he wondered what that meant. Were his biotics exciting or irritating for her?

"How does it feel for you?" he asked, hoping that he felt as good to her as she felt to him.

"Like there's a source of raw energy fueling mine and it's almost impossible to control myself. I feel stronger, more powerful. It's … amazing."

"Yeah? It feels pretty amazing for me, too."

She let out a content sigh, making herself more comfortable against his chest, and he lowered his chin to her hair, eyes closed, just enjoying how she felt in his arms as their biotics mingled and stabilized in a thick blue corona that enveloped the two of them as if they were one.

* * *

Barbra came home exhausted after dealing with the angry parents of the three injured teenagers. One of them had had a concussion; the other, a broken arm; and the third, a mild concussion and a broken wrist. They would be fine, thank God, but she wasn't so sure the same could be said about Jane.

She found the house dark and silent, and wondered if staying at the hospital until this late hour had been a bad decision. It was night already, and Kaidan and Emily must have gone home hours ago. Jane probably hadn't eaten anything and she could still be crying and torturing herself over what had happened.

Worried, Barbra rushed over to the girl's room. The door was closed, but not locked, and she opened it slowly without knocking so she wouldn't wake Jane in case she was sleeping. It surprised Barbra to find Kaidan lying on his old bed with Jane curled up against him, her head on his chest and his arms around her. At first glance, she thought it was inappropriate and she was going to wake them up, but then she came closer and noticed they were lying on top of the bedcovers with all their clothes on. Kaidan even had his shoes on. Clearly, they had just accidentally fallen asleep.

She tried not to make any noise as she picked up the used tissues on the nightstand and the tray with empty plates and glasses. It seemed Kaidan had taken good care of Jane and there was nothing for Barbra to worry about, so she left the room, closing the door behind her and leaving them to their sleep.

* * *

Lisa woke up in the morning to find Kaidan still asleep by her side. She wanted to smooth his messy hair, to take off his shoes so he would be more comfortable, to snuggle against him and stay in bed for a little longer… Instead, she rolled out of his embrace very carefully so she wouldn't wake him and sat down on the edge of the bed. After last night, it was probably safe to say they were friends, but it had been hard enough to get there and she wasn't going to make things weird by letting him know she had a crush on him. Okay, maybe it was more than just a crush. Which only made things worse. If his beautiful ex-girlfriend and his hot date on New Year's Eve were any indication, he really cared about looks and he could do much better than Lisa. Not even when they had gotten drunk together on his birthday had he shown any interest in her, so surely friends was all they would ever be.

Lisa sighed and went into the bathroom to get ready for… nothing. Only six weeks until graduation and she had gotten herself expelled. What was she going to do? She should finish high school; her parents would have liked to see her graduate. However, it was highly unlikely that any school in Vancouver would accept her now. Perhaps Mrs. Alenko would have some ideas to help her with that?

At first, Lisa had thought the woman would be disappointed in her for what she had done to those bullies at school, and might even send her back to the orphanage. It would be hell to live there again, without Jarell, Ty and Mano—only Raj was not eighteen yet and probably still lived there. But, then Kaidan had told her about how she had helped him make peace with himself and his biotics, and hearing that from him had taken a huge weight off her shoulders. She had not disappointed the Alenkos after all. They had taken her in to do just that—to help Kaidan with accepting who he was—and she had done it.

For what it was worth, Kaidan had helped her, too, and he probably didn't even know how much. Last night had been the first time she had opened up to someone about the attack on Mindoir. She had thought she would never be able to tell that story, but Kaidan had broken through to her. It still hurt like hell, and she didn't think she would ever come to terms with the events of that horrible night, but finally talking about it made her heart feel a little less tight in her chest.

She probably wouldn't have said anything if Kaidan hadn't told her about Brain Camp first. The angst and self-condemnation she'd seen in his eyes as he'd spoken about what had happened to him in his final day there showed how much he had been affected by it. Now, she understood why he hadn't liked her when they'd first met, and why he'd avoided using his powers. She could only hope she had managed to alleviate some of his pain as he had done for her.

All and all, it seemed she had gained more than she had lost yesterday.

After using the bathroom and brushing her teeth, she came back into the room without changing. There was no rush, since she didn't have anywhere to be.

Kaidan was yawning and stretching languorously in bed. When he saw her, he sat up and rubbed at his eyes. "Morning," he said sleepily. "Sorry I fell asleep here. I should've gone home."

"It's fine."

He smiled and nodded at her chest, still in his Star Wars t-shirt . "You kept the shirt."

"You left it on the couch that day, so I took it back."

"Good. I shouldn't have bothered you about it. I didn't even want it. And, it looks better on you anyway."His eyes widened a little bit and he blinked a few times before hastily averting his gaze, as if he couldn't believe he had said that out loud. "I mean, uh… did you watch the original movies?"

How could that shirt look better on her if it was huge, practically covering the shorts she was wearing underneath? Was he flirting with her? If he was, it seemed he regretted it the moment the words were out of his mouth, so there was no point in dwelling on it. "Yeah, thanks for sending them."

"No problem. How did you like them?" He looked anxious to hear her reply and Lisa found it really adorkable how important it seemed to him that she had liked the original Star Wars movies better than the holo remakes.

"They're okay, I guess," she said, feigning nonchalance just to tease him.

He looked disappointed. Were this some other day, he probably would've argued with her about it. "So, uh… you didn't like them better than the holo versions?"

She laughed and covered her mouth with her hand. "I find your lack of faith disturbing," she said in a grave muffled voice and exhaled loudly in her palm before lowering her hand again. "Of course I liked the old ones better. They're awesome!"

His face lit up as he grinned at her. "Yeah, they are!" he agreed, relieved, and she chuckled at his reaction.

Mrs. Alenko interrupted them, opening the door to announce breakfast was ready. They both looked at her sheepishly and Kaidan immediately started to explain himself, but she stopped him.

"I know you didn't do anything wrong, son. But, I'd prefer if you'd sleep in your own bed from now on," Barbra said with a small smile to take the sting out, but her tone still firm enough so he knew she meant it.

* * *

06/20/2171

Mrs. Alenko tried, but no school in Vancouver would accept Jane. Her expulsion had been justified with very strong words in her school record. They had compared her biotic abilities to someone bringing lethal weapons into the classroom and that had ruined her chances. No principal could look past those words, no matter how good her grades were. The only option left was for her to enroll in an online high school and take some crappy courses on the extranet to complete her creds and get a diploma.

She was done even before her former classmates but, when Barbra had asked if she'd wanted to celebrate, she'd refused. It was getting harder and harder to get her out of her bedroom, and the older woman decided to call her son for help. He and Jane had become friends. Barbra knew they had been frequently exchanging messages through their omni-tools, but since she had caught him in Jane's bedroom that morning, he hadn't showed up at the house again. He was probably embarrassed of what she might have thought he was doing in there, but Barbra knew he was a decent man and wouldn't cross the line with his seventeen-year-old foster sister.

The reason she called him was to ask him to take Jane out next Saturday. Barbra explained it would be the 29th and Jane would have been attending her graduation party if she'd still been in school. No doubt it would be good for the girl to go out, do something fun, and get her mind off her troubles for a bit.

"I don't know, Ma. I'll think about it, okay?" he said.

"You could go bowling, watch that movie with the big jellyfish, have a pizza. Something a brother and sister would do for fun," she insisted.

Kaidan swallowed hard, suddenly looking flustered and distressed and Barbra knew there was something wrong. _Oh, God!_ She narrowed her eyes at her son. "Kaidan Zachary Alenko, please don't tell me you and J–"

"No!" he hastily interjected. "Of course not, Ma! I would never!"

"Thank God," she breathed out. "So, you take her out Saturday and you better behave like a good older brother, mister."

"Yes, Ma."


	10. Trials

_A/N: Thank you so much to all of you for reading, reviewing and adding this story to your favorites and alerts. You really motivate me to keep on writing! Also, thank you to Suilven, my dear friend and beta._

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Trials**

06/29/2171

Lisa was wearing an above the knee, light blue chiffon dress that had a gentle flare to the skirt, short sleeves, and a banded waist. She had borrowed it from Emily; the only summer dress her friend had had that covered the scar on Lisa's shoulder. Luckily, Emily had great taste and fashion sense. The attire was beautiful and fitted Lisa nicely.

After she put on a little make-up to highlight her eyes and lips, Lisa took a picture of herself using her omni-tool and sent it to her friend. If not for her own prom today, Emily would certainly have been there helping her get ready for her… date? This time it really was a date, wasn't it?

Emily immediately messaged Lisa back, approving the look and wishing her friend good luck.

Temperatures were warm this time of the year, and it was still sunny outside when Kaidan arrived to pick her up. He looked stunning, with his hair carefully styled, and wearing an ash grey trimmer-fitting shirt and slim-cut dark jeans. Lisa had missed him these past weeks; just exchanging messages was not the same. So, she pulled him into a hug that he returned in kind, their biotics coming to life around them.

Mrs. Alenko appeared behind them and cleared her throat, causing them to separate. She reminded them that Lisa was not supposed to stay out late, and told them to have fun as she sent them off.

As she got into his car, Lisa felt her heart pounding in her chest. She had never been asked on a date before. Should she compliment him on his looks? Where was he going to take her? When they got there, was it okay for them to hold hands? She had never held hands with anyone before; it must feel so nice… _Okay, calm down. One thing at a time_.

"So… where are we going?" she asked, trying to keep her cool but failing epically. Her excitement was clear in her voice and in the stupid grin that wouldn't leave her face.

"I… uh…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought we could go grab a burger…"

_A burger?_ It was like having a bucket of cold water thrown at her. "Okay…"

"Would you rather have a pizza?"

There was something wrong. This was not a date, was it?"Burgers are fine. What did you have in mind?"

"There's a place not far from here, on 4th Avenue."

"You mean McDonald's?" _Ugh!_ She had thought they'd go somewhere romantic, hold hands, talk and laugh, and, at some point, they would kiss. Perhaps she had watched too many movies and her expectations were unrealistic. Or, what seemed more likely right now, this was not a date.

"You don't like it? There are other places…"

"Whatever." She shrugged and turned to look out of the passenger's window. It wasn't a date. She had made a fool of herself getting all dressed up for this.

They did not exchange another word. She kept feeling his eyes on her, but every time she looked back at him, he'd pretend he hadn't been looking at her. _He must be wondering why I'd put on make-up, a fucking dress, and high heels just to go grab a bite with a friend. God, this is so embarrassing._

The silence between them was stretching, getting more awkward, and the instant he parked the car, she hastily got out, grateful she didn't have to sit alone with him in that small space anymore. He stayed in the car for a moment longer and, through the windshield, she noticed how he dragged his fingers through his hair and exhaled heavily before opening his door. When he had picked her up, he had been in such a good mood. Now, he was upset and it was all her fault. She had misread his intentions and ruined their evening.

"Kaidan, look…" She came closer to him. "I'm sorry. When you asked me out, I thought…" Shaking her head, she buried her face in her palms. "Gosh, this is embarrassing," she muttered and took a deep breath before looking at him again. "I thought this was a date, all right? I don't know why I'd think that. Can we just pretend this never happened and that I'm not wearing this stupid outfit and making a complete fool of myself? Today is Saturday, you probably have a real date to go to after you drop me off, so let's just go eat some fucking Big Macs and get this over with."

His eyes traveled down her body and then shot to the place they were about to go into and he shook his head. "Fuck this. Get in the car."

She was already on her way to the restaurant and turned around, looking surprised. "What?"

"Get in the car," he repeated, already getting back inside himself.

She hurried to catch up with him. "Where are we going?"

"We're taking the lift to Grouse Mountain so we can watch the sunset from up there."

That was one hell of a romantic thing to do. What was going on? Damn, this man was driving her crazy. "Kaidan, you don't have to do this."

"I want to. It's where I wanted to take you when I asked you out."

"So why…?"

"I'll tell you later. There's something I need to ask you first."

"Okay. Ask."

He was quiet for a while. It seemed he was reflecting on whatever it was that he was about to ask her and she decided to wait and not press him.

"Tell me about your brother. I mean… only if you don't mind, of course," he finally said, still hesitant.

That was unexpected. "Well, he was little more than a year older than me. Looked more like Mom — caramel-colored hair, blue eyes…" She trailed off, staring pensively out the window.

"You two were close?"

A wistful sigh escaped her. Over a year after their deaths, it shouldn't still be this hard for her to talk about her family. Maybe it wouldn't be if she had at least tried to do it every once in a while, instead of avoiding it completely.

Kaidan must have thought his question had upset her, because he began to apologize for it. But, she could talk about this with him, couldn't she? She had done it once already, and somehow he had made her sad memories hurt a little less.

"We… we were always at each other's throats." She cut off his apologies, willing herself to speak and answer him. "His name was Jeremy, just like my father. Sometimes, when I wanted to piss him off, I'd call him Junior. He hated it so much." She let out a little laugh, but it died quickly. "I guess he… he didn't like me much. People were scared of me and that cost him his friends."

"I'm sorry to hear it. Wish I could say people are not so intolerant and prejudiced here, but…"

"Yeah. There are a lot of kids from my former school in the neighborhood. Everyone knows what I did, what I am, and they're afraid. The moment they see me, they usually run away, though some of them prefer to insult me first. That's why I'm not running on the beach anymore. Or gardening for the neighbors."

"I'm sorry. I know how much you loved it."

"Not really. They only have useless decorative plants and they would look at me like I was crazy whenever I suggested replacing their pointless rose bushes for a pumpkin patch."

"You're crazy," Kaidan laughed.

* * *

They arrived at the station at the foot of Grouse Mountain and got in the line for the lift. The place was packed with tourists this time of the year, and Kaidan cursed himself for not going straight there after picking up Jane. He would have, if his mother hadn't kept reminding him Jane was his foster sister and he was supposed to act like an older brother to her. At least, and to his relief, it didn't seem like she saw him that way.

The lifts were going up full to capacity and, when it was their turn to board, Kaidan grabbed Jane's hand and hurried inside, pushing past the crowd until he could get a spot in front of a window. The windows were huge, but Jane was a bit too short to be able to admire the view outside if not standing directly in front of one. He was hoping it wouldn't be too late for them to catch the sunset.

Kaidan stood right behind her, close enough to feel the buzz of her biotics and the warmth of her body, but not touching her, so there was less of a risk of one of them involuntarily flaring and causing panic among the tourists during the ride. However, the lift lurched forward as it started to move, and Kaidan instinctively put one hand on the railing in front of Jane and the other on her waist to steady them. For a few wonderful moments, her body was flush against his and it took all his willpower to keep his dark energy under control. Thankfully, she managed to hold back, too, but it must not have been easy. He had felt her shudder, heard her gasp, and noticed how her body had straightened up and tensed.

Suddenly, all his blood seemed to be rushing south and he found himself struggling to control more than his biotics.

The lift was softly rocking back and forth now as it went up. Kaidan put a few inches of distance between Jane and him, so he could get a hold of himselfand his biotics, but his hand that was resting on the curve of her waist had found a home there and was refusing to let go.

For the tourists to have time to take pictures and appreciate the panoramic view of the city and the coast, the ride up the mountain was really slow. So, when the sun began to set over the ocean, Kaidan and Jane were still in the lift. It was not how he had planned for this to happen. But, lucky him, this way was even better. Watching the sunset while suspended in mid-air was magical. The view was so breathtaking that everyone in the lift was suddenly quiet, admiring the scenery and making no more than the occasional appreciative noise.

Jane reached for Kaidan's free hand, entwining their fingers, and he took it as an encouragement to come closer to her again and tightened his grasp on her waist. When the last reflections of the sun were fading from the horizon, she turned around in his arms to face him.

He let go of her hand and reached up to tuck the strands of hair that were covering the scarred side of her face behind her ear . Blushing, she averted her eyes, but he kept his gaze on her until she took a deep breath and looked up at him again. They smiled when their eyes met, and he parted his lips as the tip of her tongue darted out to moisten hers.

There was nothing he wanted more than to kiss her right now. His mother was going to be so disappointed in him; she would probably give him the scolding of his life. Not to mention that his biotics would certainly go off the instant his lips touched Jane's, and inside a crowded lift with nowhere for this bunch of terrified tourists to run to... it could only end badly. Still, why was he inching closer to her instead of pulling away?

A loud chime rang inside the lift, and an electronic voice announced through the speakers that they were arriving at their destination and that all passengers should prepare to disembark. Jane flashed Kaidan an understanding half-smile as she turned away from him. The moment was lost and it was probably for the best.

They got off and walked to an observation deck, watching quietly as the artificial lights were gradually lit in the city below. He got them two sodas as she spent a credit to use one of the high powered binoculars to appreciate the view in more detail. It was breezy up there, the wind making the light fabric of her dress flow and press upon her thighs. Kaidan felt his mouth going dry. She was his foster sister; it was wrong to feel this way about her. But, then why did it feel so right? Guilt and desire were battling inside him when his omni-tool chirped. It was a message from his mom — _Don't bring Jane home too late. Remember, she's only seventeen._ Guilt won.

Kaidan found a quiet spot for them to sit down and have their drinks and tried to think of a safe topic for them to talk about; something that wouldn't lead to flirting or any inappropriate behavior on his end.

"When is your hearing?" _Damn!_ He instantly regretted that question and how it made her shoulders slump and her head drop.

"There's an arraignment in a few weeks and then they'll set up the hearing. I just want this to be over. Can't stand going to any more doctor appointments. They're… annoying."

That was an understatement. His mother had told him about the doctors Jane had been required to see before her appearance in juvenile court. They had been questioning, poking, prodding, and subjecting her to extensive tests and scans, most of which seemed pointless and completely arbitrary. And, they wouldn't even tell her what it was that they were trying to find. To make things worse, whenever Jane had one of these appointments, she had to wear those horrible cuffs for biotics and was escorted by two police officers the whole time, into every room, even when a doctor required her to undress for their tests.

Kaidan was not one to believe in conspiracy theories, but he was starting to fear these ignorant, intolerant people might make something up just to get Jane locked up. Apparently, his parents agreed with him, because his mother had been keeping his father updated on all the developments on Jane's case, and his father was passing along all crucial information to his superior officers. Kaidan had a feeling the Alliance's help would be needed again and, thankfully, his dad seemed intent on assuring Jane would get it.

"I shouldn't have brought it up. I was supposed to distract you from all this. Ma said you never leave the house anymore unless you have one of these doctor appointments, and she is worried about you. So, she told me to try and get you out, take you to do something fun. A sanity check, you know?"

Jane stared at him. There was a slight tremble to her fingers, but her face was carefully expressionless. "Your mother told you to ask me out."

It was a statement, not a question, but he answered it anyway. "Yeah."

She swallowed hard. "I think I want to go home now."

"Jane, is everything okay?" _Did I say something wrong?_

There was no reply. She just got up, tossed the empty soda bottle in the nearest recycle bin and started walking towards the station to get the lift down the mountain.

He hastily followed her. "Jane?"

"Your mother told you to ask me out. This is a fucking pity date," she said with a self-deprecating laugh.

"No! God, Jane! Of course not. I mean, she told me to ask you out, but this is not a… oh, fuck!" This evening had been going so well, but he had to put his foot in his mouth.

"So, what is it then? A friends' thing?"

"No. I don't know." He sighed. "It's complicated."

"Let me know when you figure it out then, because you're confusing the hell out of me and I don't think I can deal with this right now."

How come he had managed to fuck this up so badly? If only he knew what she really was to him… Sister? Friend? More?

He had tried to do something "a brother and sister would do for fun", like his mother had suggested, but when he'd seen that was not what Jane had been expecting from him, it had felt like a huge relief. He didn't know how to be a big brother; he had never been one and he didn't want to start now. Not to Jane, he didn't. The thoughts he had been having of her were far from brotherly. She was not a sister to him. Definitely not a sister.

A friend, then? When she had been in his arms inside the lift, it had felt like the world was in slow motion and there had been no one else but them in there. It wouldn't be like that if friendship was all that existed between them. It was more than a reaction to her biotics, what he had been feeling whenever she was close to him.

So, she was more. Or, at least he wanted her to be. He should ask her out again and make it clear to her that it was because he wanted to go out with her, and not because his mother had told him to do it. And, hopefully, he wouldn't put his foot in his mouth again. And, he would kiss her. Yeah, that sounded like the right thing to do.

* * *

08/26/2171

Lisa was in her room when Kaidan showed up at his mom's, insisting on seeing her. Ever since their "date", she had been avoiding him. He had asked her out two other times after that, but she had refused. Things were already confusing enough between them, and she didn't want to complicate them even more, especially when there was a chance she could be taken away from her foster home and locked up somewhere.

However, the court appointment that would decide her fate was tomorrow and, when Kaidan had gotten there that evening wanting to see her, she couldn't find it in herself to deny him a third time. She didn't let him into her room though, remembering how Mrs. Alenko hadn't been too happy to see him in there the morning after Lisa had gotten expelled from school. So, she led him to the balcony on the first floor instead.

"Why have you been shutting me out, Jane?" He went straight to the point, sounding upset.

It was time to come clean with him. She couldn't leave him without an explanation when there was a real chance they might not see each other again for a long time. "I should've never agreed to go out with you in the first place when I already knew I could be taken away from here. I guess I wasn't thinking straight. It was selfish of me and I'm sorry." She had reached that conclusion after returning from Grouse Mountain, as she had taken off the dress she had borrowed from Emily and wiped the make-up off her face. The next day, she had re-dyed her hair the color closest to her natural shade of brown as she could find.

"I won't lie, Jane; I've thought about that possibility, too, and I was afraid you wouldn't give me the chance to say good-bye in case you… you know." He sounded sad and she fought the urge to touch him, turning to lean on the railing instead and looking over at the ocean.

"But, you understand, right? You understand why I wouldn't go out with you again?" They would only get hurt if they started something now, when there was a strong possibility they would be forced to part ways.

"I do." Sighing, he leaned on the railing by her side. "At least you gave me an explanation," he added with a bitter laugh, and she wondered if there was story behind that reaction. Perhaps it had something to do with that ex-girlfriend of his, Radha or something.

"Of course. You deserve one. I would've told you sooner, but I didn't want to risk you trying to change my mind," she said.

"Do you think I would?"

"Try?"

"Change your mind."

"If you tried, yes, and that wouldn't be good for anyone."

"I don't think I agree with that." The look he gave her as he said those words was so intense, she blushed. Damn this man! He was crumbling her resolve with no effort whatsoever, just by being there.

_Say good-bye before you do something stupid._ "Kaidan, I… I have to wake up early tomorrow so… I better... uh... go inside and…" God, where had all the words gone?

"Okay. But, can I at least give you a hug first, for good luck?"

She nodded without even thinking and he pulled her into his arms.

Lowering his head, he whispered in her ear, "When this is over, will you go out with me?"

"Yes," she smiled brightly.

Still holding her, he pressed her even tighter against his chest and kissed her hair. "Good luck tomorrow."

Looking up at him, she replied, "Thank you." Then she stood on her toes to give him what was supposed to be a quick and innocent peck on the cheek. But, her mouth seemed to have an idea of its own and trailed down to brush the corner of his lips. Dark energy burned around them and he inhaled sharply, his lips parting.

Pulling away from him instead of deepening the kiss was unbelievably hard. "When this is over," she whispered, for his benefit as well as hers.

"I'll hold you to that."

* * *

08/27/2171

At the arraignment, a couple of weeks ago, Lisa Mae had pled guilty. Today, she would be sentenced. Commander Alenko and Captain Hackett had come from Arcturus Station to Vancouver to defend her and to try to convince the judge to give her community service instead of sentencing her to serve time in some facility for young offenders. There was a third Alliance officer with them, who Lisa didn't know. He was wearing a black uniform with a red stripe on the right arm and an emblem on the chest with a letter and a number: _N7_. Juvenile hearings did not have a jury and were closed to the public, but nobody had messed with this unknown soldier when he had come in with the others who were actually participating in the hearing.

Private Mitra and Lieutenant Kyle were there, too. They had come to testify in her favor. They praised her self-control to the judge and insisted that, contrary to what the civilian doctors had been saying, individuals with biotic abilities weren't inherently violent or prone to insanity.

Lisa was glad to see the Alliance hadn't abandoned her. She wasn't naïve; she knew they wouldn't have taken an interest in her if it weren't for her biotics. But, the way she saw it, it meant they valued her for something that caused almost everyone else to treat her like a freak. It only strengthened her resolve to join the military once she turned eighteen.

Her friend Emily had also been called to testify and, as she had been instructed beforehand by Captain Hackett and Commander Alenko, did not mention the footage she had made of the attack. Although the vid showed Lisa was being bullied by the kids she had hurt, the fury and strength of her reaction might scare the judge who clearly, until this day, knew next to nothing about human biotics. And, he didn't seem much interested in learning either.

Juvenile court was a busy one in a city as big as Vancouver—with over eight million people, and gangs recruiting minors in the poorest neighborhoods—and the judge just wanted to get her case over with so he could move on to the next and fulfill his schedule for the day. He looked bored as hell as he waited for all the witnesses and angry parents to speak and kept checking his watch for the time.

In the end, he gave Lisa fifty hours of community service, and had to call in the police to remove the parents of the injured kids from the courtroom, who were shouting accusations that the military must have intimidated the judge for her to get away with just community service.

Whether he had really felt intimidated by all those uniforms on Lisa's side, or had just believed in their assurance that they would keep her under their watch and had found it good enough, the important thing was that Lisa was free.

She felt Commander Alenko putting his arm protectively around her shoulders as Hackett, Kyle, and Mitra surrounded her. The man in the black uniform took point, his right hand hovering over where his sidearm was holstered as he hastily led them out of the courtroom and past the small crowd that was making a protest against human biotics outside the building.

Barbra and Emily followed suit. Their group quickly split into two cars and they all headed to the Alenkos' residence. Rylan invited his fellow soldiers in for drinks, as an improvised celebration, as well as a thank you for their help. Since they were all going to spend night on Earth anyway, they accepted.

Lisa powered on her tool and wrote a message to Kaidan: _It's over. I'm staying._ In about an hour he would be getting out of work and she hoped he would stop by to see her.


	11. Together

_A/N: CyanB, as requested, there's a little bit more of Emily Wong in this chapter. Hope you enjoy! ;)_

_A million thanks to Suilven, my beta, for her help and patience and for being such a good friend. Ily, girl!  
_

_Dear readers, your reviews mean a lot to me. Thank you so much for the love and support you've been giving this story!_

_Have you seen the wonderful cover art I've got? It was made by Champ (ExperimentalGerbil on DeviantArt). Check out her gallery. She also drew an awesome comic (it's called 'Consequences') where Lisa and Emily talk about Lisa's outfit for her second date with Kaidan. Thank you, Champ! You're the best!_

* * *

**Chapter 11 – Together**

Kaidan arrived at his parents' to find a group of soldiers drinking and chatting casually in the kitchen, uniforms with unbuttoned collars, the hems of their shirts hanging over the waistbands of their pants, and boots with loosened ties. His mom was laughing, sitting on his father's lap. One of the men was shuffling a deck of cards. There were half-drunk bottles of beer and whiskey on the table and quite a few empty ones on the floor and by the sink.

It looked like they had forgotten it was Monday and Kaidan wasn't about to remind them. He didn't think he had ever seen his father so relaxed. Perhaps, and for a change, Kaidan would even get in and out of there today without them picking a fight with each other.

After he had said hello to everyone, his mother told him Jane was in the backyard with friends and he went over to meet her.

The instant he stepped outside, she appeared in front of him, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Is it really over? You're staying?" he asked, returning the hug.

"Yep. They gave me community service."

"That's good to hear."

Sparks of dark energy were still flying around them as they let go of each other.

"What the hell, man? You two together feel like a thunderstorm!" Hendel Mitra said cheerfully, coming out from behind Jane.

The old friends from Brain Camp shook hands vigorously and patted each other on the back. "Dell! It's been a long time! How are you, man?" Kaidan greeted him.

"Fine. Trying to look good with the brass," he nodded towards Captain Hackett, who was coming out of the kitchen, probably searching for a bathroom, "and score a promotion. What about you? I'm glad Jane's in good hands. Are you training with her? Taught her any new moves?"

"Yeah, a few," Kaidan replied, his eyes dropping as he thought about all the time he had wasted avoiding Jane. He could've taught her a lot more. They could've been practicing for over a year now.

Mitra didn't seem to notice his mood shift and turned to his former student. "You'll have to show them to me later. I need to see if the technique is good enough for my standards." He made a mock smug face. "Don't forget Kaidan here is just the substitute teacher, all right? When you join the service, you'll be back to learning from the master."

"Sir. Yes, sir," Jane joked, making a sloppy salute.

Emily joined them briefly just to say her good-byes and Jane left to accompany her to the door.

Suddenly looking serious, Mitra put a hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "How are you really, man? I heard you didn't want to train anymore, wouldn't even use your biotics. But, I guess that's not true, right?"

There was a hint of a smile on his lips as he spared a glance towards Jane retreating form. "Not anymore."

"Good. We were worried about you—me, Mark, Toni, Kat, Yuri. You disappeared, wouldn't answer the messages we sent you… Kat was heartbroken."

Kaidan shot his friend a surprised look.

"Oh, man! You didn't know? She was hung up on you," Mitra explained.

"Really?"

"Guess you only had eyes for Rahna, huh? I don't blame you. Girl looks like an angel. I wish I had that silky hair."

Kaidan couldn't help laughing and shaking his head at his friend.

"I'm still in touch with her, you know?" Mitra said, watching his friend intently for his reaction.

"Who? Kat?"

"No, man. I mean, I'm in touch with Kat, too. She joined the Alliance. But, I was talking about Rahna."

Kaidan swallowed hard, his stomach churning; memories flooding his mind and rendering unable to speak. Why would Mitra tell him that? Had Rahna mentioned him? Had she forgiven him? If Mitra was in touch with her, it meant Kaidan could get a message through to her, maybe even see her. But, did he want to?

"Kaidan, are you there?" Mitra waved a hand in front of his friend's eyes to get his attention.

Kaidan abruptly turned to peek inside the house through the doorway. There was no sign of Jane; she must be talking to Emily out in the front yard. For some reason, Kaidan was thinking it would be best if Jane didn't hear this conversation. He was actually feeling bad for even having it, as if he were doing something wrong. Still, he couldn't stop himself from asking, "How is she?"

Mitra looked away. It seemed he was carefully considering what he was going to say next. "She's… okay. You know, she was the only one who wouldn't recognize you saved us. She still doesn't, truth be told."

"What do you mean?"

"We were all grateful you got Brain Camp shut down, Kaidan. That place was hell. We might still be there if it weren't for you. Who knows by now how many other kids would have been taken away from their homes and forced into that nightmare? We wanted to throw you a fucking party for what you did. You saved our lives. You saved many lives."

Kaidan's forehead crinkled in confusion. That couldn't be right. He was a murderer, not a hero. Mitra was wrong. "What I did there was terrible, Dell. It ruined my life."

"Being dragged to Brain Camp ruined your life. Getting that place shut down saved it. Believe me."

That gave him pause. He had killed a man and lost Rahna in the process; was shutting down Brain Camp worth it? His last day there, he still remembered it so clearly... _Rahna and her perfect features distorted with horror as she watched Vyrnnus slumping to the floor. The turian gasping in vain for air to fill unresponsive lungs, eyes blinking desperately as his body twitched and refused to obey._

Later, Kaidan had wondered if Vyrnnus could have been saved, if the infirmary there had been equipped to treat a turian, if anyone there even knew how. But, in the heat of the moment, he could only think of Rahna. The instant he had gotten Vyrnnus off him, he had rushed to her side, worried about her broken arm, wishing he could kiss the pain away, whispering promises that he would never let her get hurt again.

_For a few moments there, he didn't understand what was going on. Each step he would take towards her, she'd take one away from him; her good arm cradling her broken one, fat hot tears running down her cheeks. She kept shaking her head, eyes pleading. Why wouldn't she stay in place and let him hold her and make it better? As her back hit the wall, he reached out to her, and then she screamed. A loud, unbelievably high, truly terrified scream and it tore him apart. At that moment, he realized she'd been trying to protect herself from him, scared to death of what he had done, what he had become._

_He immediately pulled back, almost as terrified as she was, and she scurried away, out of his life but, for many nights, still in his dreams._

"I don't know, Dell. What I did there made me lose Rahna."

"You're not seeing the bigger picture, Kaidan. Rahna... what is she to you now?"

"She's…" When they were together, he'd been sure he'd found the love of his life and that he was going to marry her someday. Right after BAat, he'd thought he would never find someone as perfect for him as she'd been, and that he would spend the rest of his life aching for her. Nowadays, if he had the chance to see her one more time, he would like to talk to her and get some closure. He would apologize to her, set things straight, and that would be it. Trying to rekindle their relationship was not something he would consider anymore. Rahna belonged to a part of his life that was over. He wanted to move on.

"What, man?"

"Someone I hurt…? An ex-girlfriend?"

"Is that all she is?"

"I...hm, I think so."

"You don't miss her?"

"Not anymore." It was true. He hadn't missed her in quite some time, actually.

"Look, I only mentioned her, 'cause I wanted to know if you were over her."

"Why? Are you…? But, I thought you were…"

Mitra rolled his eyes. "Not even Rahna can swing my head in that direction, man. I'm still with Mark. I just asked because Jane has a major crush on you, you know? She and her friend were talking about you the whole time before you arrived."

Kaidan couldn't help the small smile that crept on to his face.

"Hey," Mitra poked at his chest, "this is serious. I met Jane right after the attack on Mindoir and we spent a lot of time together at Arcturus Station. Her scars run much deeper than those marks on her skin, Kaidan. I don't want her to get hurt."

"You think I would hurt her?" Kaidan frowned. "Dell, you know me better than that. I'm not that kind of guy."

"You're not? Then why does she think she's got a chance with you, huh? Why does she think you're going to ask her out?"

"I'm not leading her on, if that's what you're saying. I…" Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck and glanced sideways before leaning closer to his friend and muttering, "I like her, okay?"

Mitra narrowed his gaze at him, an eyebrow shooting up in suspicion. "You like her?"

"Yeah, I… I do."

His friend let out a relieved sigh. "Good."

* * *

Lisa and Emily talked for a while at the door, discussing their upcoming trip. Emily had been accepted at the University of Toronto and she would be moving there soon. Her parents were going with her, and would spend a few days there until they got their daughter settled. Now that Lisa wasn't at risk of having to serve time anymore, Emily had invited her to come along. With Mrs. Alenko's agreement, Lisa had accepted the invitation.

Of course, Lisa was happy for her friend, but she couldn't help thinking how much she would miss Emily and how her days would be even lonelier now. At least they would get a week together in Toronto to say good-bye.

When Emily left the Alenkos and Lisa went back inside, she ran into the man in the black uniform, who apparently had stepped out of the kitchen to answer a call on his omni-tool.

Commander Alenko had introduced him to Lisa earlier as Lieutenant Commander David Anderson and Lisa had noticed that, despite his unusual uniform, his commission was still Alliance Navy. Her curiosity piqued, she had been about to ask him about it when Captain Hackett had caught his attention with another subject. She hadn't been about to interrupt them, so she'd just dropped it.

As she was passing by him now, on her way to the backyard, he turned off his tool and looked at her. "Hey, kid. You did good in court today. It was rough there, but you kept your cool the entire time."

She stopped and turned to face him. He didn't seem in a hurry to rejoin the others.

"Alenko says you'll make a fine soldier one day. I think I agree," he continued. There was a hint of a smile on his lips, barely there, but enough for her to notice it.

"Thank you, sir."

He still wasn't walking away. Maybe now she could ask him a few questions, sate her curiosity.

"Sir, your uniform… I've never seen it before and I was in Arcturus for weeks."

He touched the N7 emblem on his chest appreciatively. "I earned it for graduating from the Interplanetary Combatives Training program. 'The Villa' as we like to call it. To put it simply, we—the N7s—are the Alliance's special forces."

"Oh? And you came down here just for –"

"Don't flatter yourself, kid," Anderson let out an amused laugh and ruffled her hair playfully. "I was already in Vancouver and Captain Hackett wanted to see me. He asked me to meet him in court because he wouldn't arrive in time to stop by the Alliance headquarters first."

"Anderson, we're waiting. You in or out?" Rylan shouted from the kitchen.

"I'll be right there, Alenko. You can deal me in." He gave Lisa a nod and went into the kitchen.

Lisa had had a few follow-up questions already lined up for him, but now it seemed she would have to file them away for another opportunity.

She smoothed her hair and continued to the backyard to find Kaidan and Private Mitra. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of Kaidan smiling brightly at her as their eyes locked. They must have been too obvious, because Mitra hastily came up with some excuse to leave.

The two of them sat at the wooden picnic table in the yard, facing each other, and she told him about the hearing, skipping only the parts where she had been gratuitously insulted—it wasn't important and he probably could guess something like that had happened anyway.

Her hands were resting in front of her on the table and he put his really close to hers but not quite touching. His gaze kept shifting from her eyes to her mouth and then the table. He was still a little shy and hesitant, even though just yesterday she had said she would go out with him again and then had brushed her lips against his.

"So… will you let me take you out on a proper date now?" he asked her, an expectant look on his face.

It would have to wait until she was back from Toronto, but, at least, it was finally going to happen.

Hoping to assure him she wasn't blowing him off, she leaned forward and put her hand over his as she told him about her upcoming trip. Emily was really important to her, her best friend, her only friend. So, Lisa would go on this trip, but she would be back in a few days and then she and Kaidan could have their date.

He looked a little disappointed, but then he laced his fingers in hers and she knew he understood.

"Soon," she promised.

* * *

09/01/2171

Emily and Jane were sitting on a bench outside the Niagara Falls visitor's center. Even wearing a raincoat, you got wet when you got close to the falls, and they were waiting for their clothes to dry out a little before getting in the car the Wongs had rented for the duration of their trip.

While the Wongs were at the gift shop, getting souvenirs for their family and friends, the girls had a little time to themselves. Emily was glad Jane had accepted her invitation to spend a few days in Toronto with her. Being in a place where Jane had no chance of running into anyone who knew she was a biotic was doing her good. It was noticeable how much more at ease she was whenever they went out.

However, soon Jane would be back in Vancouver, and it worried Emily that she didn't have any other friends waiting for her there. If only Kaidan hadn't screwed up their date, maybe Jane would have a boyfriend by now and wouldn't be so lonely anymore.

Jane's tool chirped. Emily recognized the noise as the alert for a text message. By the way Jane smiled, Emily had a guess as to who had sent it. "Kaidan?"

Jane nodded and Emily scooted closer to her friend so she could read the message on her tool.

_KaidanA.: Having fun in Toronto?_

Along with her reply saying yes and a smiley face, Jane sent him a picture she had just taken at the Niagara Falls.

_KaidanA.: You're not in the picture… _

Emily immediately powered on her tool to send Kaidan a picture she had taken of Jane the night before, when they had gone out for dinner with the Wongs at a very nice restaurant.

Jane's eyes went wide when she realized what her friend was doing, but it was too late to stop her. The alert that the file had been delivered was flashing on the holoscreen of Emily's tool. "I can't believe you did that, Emz."

"And I can't believe you're blushing! For God's sake, Jane! He's not even here."

His reply came a few seconds later and Emily showed it to Jane, who buried her face in her palms.

_KaidanA.: That's better. Thanks, Emily._

"He's into you. I think you should give it another try."

"I will. We're going out again after I get back."

"You are? And when you were going to tell me about it?"

"I don't know. You're busy, Emz. Starting college, moving here… I didn't want to bother you."

Emily shot her a playful stern look. "I'm still your best friend, Jane. I _need_ to know these things."

Jane laughed, but Emily noticed it didn't reach her eyes. It was no accident that Jane had failed to mention she and Kaidan were going on a second date. She was probably wondering if she still had a place in Emily's new life. They were growing up, and their friendship was changing. Who knew when they were going to see each other again once Jane returned to Vancouver?

"Are you okay?" Jane asked her.

"Just thinking that I'm going to miss this. Us."

"Me, too," Jane gave her a sad smile. "But, don't worry, Emz. You'll make some new friends here in no time. You're good with people."

"But what about you?"

"I'll be fine. I have other friends, too, you know?"

"Yeah? Who?"

"Hmmm… Mrs. Alenko?"

Emily rolled her eyes and shook her head. Jane could be really depressing sometimes. She wouldn't even call the woman by her first name, like Mrs. Alenko had told her to do several times already. "Gosh, Jane, we really need to get you that boyfriend…"

"Yeah, about that… can I borrow your blue dress again?"

Emily frowned. She had an idea of where this might be going and she did not like it one bit. "Sure, but if you don't mind me asking, what for?"

"For my next date with Kaidan," Jane stated, as if it were obvious.

"I knew it," Emily muttered under her breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. What was her friend going to do without her? "Jane, on your second date, you can't wear the exact same outfit you wore on your first date," she explained slowly as if to a child.

"It wouldn't be exactly the same. I mean… I think the high heels would be the same, too, since I only have that one pair you made me buy, but –"

"Please, stop." Emily stood up to emphasize her point. "That's it! Tomorrow, we're going shopping."

* * *

09/14/2171

Lisa put on a sleeveless white blouse she had only bought because the straps were wide enough to cover the scar on her right shoulder. Along with her cherry red flats and a denim mini skirt, she was ready for her second attempt at a first date with Kaidan.

It was early in the afternoon and the weather was still pretty hot. Lisa tried not to think about why he was picking her up at this odd time. She was sure it was a date, and didn't need to look for any signs that might indicate otherwise like she had done the previous times.

They hadn't seen each other since the day of her hearing. When he arrived, she was going to give him just a friendly hug, but somehow their lips met for the briefest second. It was like they couldn't help it and it just happened.

When they parted, he glanced around, probably looking for his mom, and seemed relieved when Lisa told him Mrs. Alenko wasn't home.

They got into his car and chatted casually about her trip to Toronto until they reached Stanley Park. He was taking her to the Vancouver Aquarium.

The placing was bustling with activity and they went straight to the indoor exhibits which appeared to be less crowded.

As they walked through the dark corridors, lit only by the blue glow of the huge fish tanks, Kaidan slipped his hand in hers. It made her pulse quicken and she smiled. Things were certainly looking up this time.

There was an unoccupied bench in front of one of the largest tanks, the one that housed the beluga whales, and they decided to sit there for a while. Despite the heat outside, it was chilly inside the Aquarium. Kaidan must have guessed she was cold, because he let go of her hand and put his arm around her shoulders. Without even thinking, she let her left hand slip to rest over his thigh and leaned her head onto his shoulder.

The way his fingers were slowly running up and down her arm was making her feel warm and cared for. This time, the silence between them was comfortable, and Lisa sighed happily. She couldn't even remember the last time she had felt so at peace.

"Jane," he whispered and she raised her head to look at him. The intensity of his gaze made her heart flutter in her chest. "I'm sorry about last time."

No, she didn't want to talk about their failed date. It was water under the bridge.  
"Kaidan, it's okay." She squeezed his hand to reassure him.

"I really want to make it up to you." His voice was low and husky and Lisa found it very hard to concentrate on giving him a reply.

He cupped her face, his thumb gently trailing over her scar and her cheek. The next thing she felt was his breath blowing so temptingly close to her, so she just closed her eyes and parted her lips, hoping he would forget about talking.

His mouth met hers, gently at first, until she put her hand behind his head and pulled him closer. The invitation was clear and he deepened the kiss, his tongue brushing hers, exploring her mouth and making her shiver and tighten her grasp on him.

The scent of eezo filled the air as they flared. Their coronas mingled, but refused to settle, burning wildly and furiously, like fire, around them. Without breaking the kiss, they stood up, both instinctively seeking more contact. Curling an arm around her waist, he crushed her against him. Their kiss turned hungry and desperate, matching the intensity of the flames of dark energy that enveloped them.

There was something going on in the Aquarium, an agitation that Lisa hadn't noticed before. Noise growing louder, surrounding them… All of a sudden, she opened her eyes and broke the kiss. Sucking in a deep breath, she spoke, "We have to go."

"What?" For an instant, he looked lost, a little dazed even. He still hadn't noticed the commotion around them.

His eyes widened suddenly and she knew he had finally listened to the urgent voices; confused, scared, angry, saying things like, "What are they doing?" and, "They're going to hurt someone," and, "Somebody stop them!"

"Run," she told him more firmly and grabbed his hand, pulling him with her as she started towards the exit.

Worried parents were picking up their children as the two biotics passed by, frightened visitors were jumping out of their way, security guards were running after them, and then they saw the exit and there was a guard closing the doors to keep them from leaving. They hadn't done anything wrong, but if they stayed there and let those guards catch them, they would end up having to explain themselves for hours. Maybe even the police would be called in and, if charges were pressed against Lisa, that would get her in some major trouble. A second strike so soon after her first would certainly land her in a detention center.

Lisa raised her hand in preparation to launch an attack, nothing strong, just something that would get her out of there. But, Kaidan beat her to it. He had already released a stasis field that caught the guard by the exit. Next, he hit the doors with a strong biotic kick, blasting them open.

Only once they had fled the Aquarium area and the security guards had given up chasing them, did they stop running. They had taken one of the dozens of pathways that cut through the park and found themselves alone among the trees. Panting, Lisa leaned against a thick tree trunk to catch her breath and cursed herself for not bringing any energy bars with her. She sure could use a couple of them now, especially because she fully intended to kiss Kaidan again, even if it meant getting her biotics all riled up and burning all the energy left in her.

She barely had time to finish that thought and his mouth was capturing hers, his body pressed flush against hers, pinning her against the tree trunk. The way she felt every time his lips were on hers was nothing short of amazing. A hand slipped under her blouse, clutching at her waist and spreading warmth throughout her body. She thought her knees would give out as he started trailing kisses along her jaw and down her neck. His teeth lightly grazed the soft skin there, making her breath hitch.

* * *

Kaidan groaned as he reluctantly let go of her. He was hanging by a thread. To think that the way her wild biotics interacted with his, always so enticing and instigating, could feel even more intense when they kissed... So intense he could hardly bear it but, at the same time, he never wanted to stop. He couldn't get enough of that sensation, of how alluring and addictive it was to feel her skin on his. God, he wanted more, a lot more than small touches and hugs and kisses. He wanted her.

But, the right thing to do was to stop that now, before it got out of control. He didn't want to risk doing anything she wasn't ready for. She had been through a lot of trauma. Most of her life, people had been afraid of her, even her family. She'd probably never had a boyfriend; he knew she'd barely had any friends. For her, he needed to take this slow.

"We should go get something to eat," he said. It was true. He hadn't put on his amp today and, after making out with her and what he had to do for them to escape the Aquarium, he was feeling drained. But, it didn't make it any less of an excuse. He'd rather stay right here with her, lost amidst the trees, touching, kissing, feeling her against him, even if it gave him a migraine afterwards.

She flashed him her crooked smile and nodded in agreement. He didn't have to explain himself to her; she understood him.

After today, his life would never be the same. He wondered if she had any idea of how important this day had been to him. He had used his biotics on a living, breathing being that wasn't her for the first time since Brain Camp and he hadn't even given it a second thought. If he and Jane had been caught and the security guards had called the police, Jane would be taken into custody, no doubt about that, since she was still on probation for her first offense and hadn't even began to serve the sentence. Kaidan wasn't going to let her get locked up, not when she was innocent and under his watch.

When he had hit that guard with the stasis field, he had known the man wouldn't be hurt. For the first time in a long time, Kaidan had completely trusted himself and his ability to control his biotics. He'd known what he was doing, and he had done exactly what he had wanted to do. It had been thanks to Jane, to her influence and her stubbornness, to the way she would never hold back her powers around him, to the way she'd kept pushing and testing his limits, that he had regained his confidence.

And, it had been to protect her that he had used his powers on someone else. Not that she had needed his help. If he hadn't stopped that guard, she would have. He had felt the surge of energy within her, a clear sign that she had been more than ready to take care of that situation by herself. However, he had wanted to do it anyway and prove to himself he could and that he was ready. Right now, he was feeling really proud of himself.

Yeah, this had been, by far, the best day he had had in years. He hoped Jane would be willing to share many more like this with him.


	12. Old Friends

_A/N: I've never had such a huge response to a chapter before! Thank you from the bottom of my heart to my reviewers Suilven, Sayuri007, Terra-Verda, Hatsepsut, SharilinAlenko, gracie21, Ioialoha, ChampionTheWonderSnail, MP, Guest1, Guest2, CyanB, Odessa518, ShadowCristal26, radiogirl79, Galexz, and Ygrain33. It's very encouraging to know there are so many people enjoying this story!_

_This chapter was really hard to write. Thank you to Hatsepsut, Enchanter TIM, and my beta, Suilven, for their help._

_Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!_

* * *

**Chapter 12 – Old Friends **

09/18/2171

Lisa Mae Shepard would have many vids of her go viral during her life. The one from the security cams at the Vancouver Aquarium was just the first. Luckily, she and Kaidan had been caught either from the back or too distorted by glowing ripples of dark energy to be recognizable to anyone who was not very familiar with them. Of course, Emily Wong could tell it was them. She was the one who saw the vid first on the extranet and told Lisa about it.

The images began when Lisa and Kaidan were already running towards the exit doors and preparing to attack the guard and make their escape. Whoever had edited it before releasing it must have intended to make them seem dangerous and wanted to give the viewers the impression they must have been doing something wrong, since they were running away.

For a couple of days, biotics were the most recurrent subject on the local news networks — with the footage from the security cams being constantly replayed on every TV show — and doctors, scientists, politicians, and even asari being called to give their opinions on human biotics. However, it lasted only until the next event the media considered to be breaking news, which was a celebrity couple that was getting divorced. Then, with the landslide that trapped fifty workers underground in an iridium mining facility on Korar, Lisa and Kaidan's vid was definitely forgotten.

Mrs. Alenko had recognized it was her only son and her foster daughter in the footage, and must have talked to Kaidan about it first, because when she came to have a conversation with Lisa about that incident, she was already aware of quite a few details.

"I know why you and Kaidan acted like you did at the Aquarium and I know you can't always control these biotic flares you have, but you have to be more careful. Rylan and I did all we could for you not to be taken away from here, Jane. Rylan even brought a captain with the Alliance to vouch for you, and that was only a few weeks ago."

Lisa didn't answer, just looked away, with a lump in her throat. She was causing problems for her foster parents again. If it weren't for them, she would still be at the orphanage. Jarell had said she was too old, not to mention all her other issues, for any family to be interested in taking her in.

What the Alenkos wanted was for her to help Kaidan heal from the emotional scars left by his long stay in Brain Camp. Lisa hadn't exactly planned for it, but she had done it. In exchange, they had given her a home. Now, they had no more reason to keep her here, did they?

"Thank God Kaidan did the right thing and got you out without anyone getting hurt. But, I don't want you taking any chances anymore." Barbra sat on the bed by her side and put a hand on her shoulder. "Jane, you're part of the family. If they had gotten you that day, you'd be in a detention center now and what would we have been able to do?" she said, her voice soft and sad.

Her eyes burning with the threat of tears, Lisa took a deep steadying breath. She was always so afraid to disappoint the Alenkos and kept waiting for the moment they would reject her, but it had never come. They'd accepted her like her own family never had. Still, she kept resisting them, avoiding any displays of affection, spending most of the time locked up in her room. She felt like if she gave in to Mrs. Alenko's love and care, if she admitted the woman was a mother to her, she would be betraying her own mom.

It was getting really hard to keep that up now.

In six weeks, she would turn eighteen and join the service. It was past time she changed her attitude. "Barbra…" It was a start. Despite Mrs. Alenko having asked her to call her by her first name countless times, Lisa had never done it before.

The older woman noticed the change and pulled her into a hug, which Lisa returned, blinking a few times to keep her tears from falling. "I'm sorry. I'll be more careful."

"At least I know you and Kaidan are looking out for each other. I was so proud. Brother and sister have to stick together."

Lisa felt like she had been slapped in the face. Was she supposed to see Kaidan as a brother? That thought hadn't even crossed her mind before now. She blanched, her body suddenly stiffening and making the hug quite uncomfortable. At the same time, her tool beeped and she practically jumped to check it, relieved she had an excuse to pull away.

_KaidanA.: Hey, I've just talked to Ma and… don't tell her we kissed, ok?_

"Jane, is something wrong?" Barbra frowned.

Shit! What was she going to do? What would Mrs. Alenko think if she found out about them? But, Lisa couldn't lose Kaidan now. He was the one good thing that had happened in her life in months, with the bullying she had endured, her expulsion from school, the neighbors being afraid of her, her trial and community service, and Emily moving to Toronto.

Mrs. Alenko was watching her with a suspicious look on her face. "Oh, my God! Kaidan had the same reaction when I told him he had to be a good older brother to you." The woman got up abruptly as realization dawned on her. "Whenever I saw you two together, I couldn't figure out what was going on. I guess I suspected, but I didn't want to believe it. I mean, you're just a child."

Pacing, Barbra pinched the bridge of her nose. "What did you…? Did he…? Oh, God, I'm a terrible mother."

"Mrs. Alenko, I don't know what to say." _I think I'm going to be sick._ "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, dear, please, don't go back to 'Mrs. Alenko.'" She sounded a little desperate. "I'm ruining this. I've always wanted to have a daughter but, after the accident… we didn't think it would be prudent to have any more children."

"I'm sorry," Lisa kept repeating. She really didn't know what else she could say.

"I should've seen this coming. Only... I thought I had taught my son better than this."

"Mrs. Alenko, please. Kaidan didn't do anything wrong. This is not your fault and it isn't his either. He didn't even like me when we met, but I… I think I fell for him. I kept trying to get his attention."

"That was why you dyed your hair, wasn't it?" Barbra halted her nervous pacing, her hand covering her mouth that was hanging open. "Oh, Jane, dear, I don't think I know how to deal with this."

I'm so sorry." Lisa was shaking as she spoke, her voice wavering. "It's all my fault." That was it. Her foster mother was probably regretting ever taking her in and she would have to stop seeing Kaidan.

Lowering her head, Lisa buried her face in her palms. Mrs. Alenko would never look at her the same way, Kaidan would never go out with her again, and Commander Alenko… What would he even think about all this, about her? Her life was ruined.

"Okay." Taking a deep breath and exhaling loudly, Barbra sat back down on the edge of the bed. "Does he feel the same way about you?"

Apparently, while Lisa hadn't been looking, Mrs. Alenko had decided to try a less panicky and more positive approach.

"I, uh… I don't know. I think he likes me. As a girl, not a… you know?" She couldn't even bring herself to say the word 'sister.' The way he'd kissed her, how it had made her feel; there was nothing innocent or fraternal about it.

"Jane, I need to know. How far did you…?"

"I'm seventeen, Mrs. Alenko. I'm not a child."

"Of course," Barbra agreed with a pointed look that said differently.

"But, we just kissed."

"Okay, dear. I'm sorry I overreacted." She smoothed Lisa's hair tenderly. "I have to go talk to Kaidan now."

"Mrs. A– Barbra, boys… when they see my face, they only give me a second look when they have some morbid curiosity and want to know how I got the scar. But, Kaidan… He doesn't mind, he doesn't think I'm ugly, and he even likes the way I smile. He's not afraid of me. Please, in six weeks I'll be joining the Alliance and I probably won't even live in Vancouver anymore. Just let me have this. Please."

With tears in her eyes, the older woman nodded and left the room.

Lisa immediately sent Kaidan a message. _She knows. I'm sorry_, it read.

* * *

Kaidan and Jane were her kids, and she still didn't think a romantic relationship between them was in any way appropriate, but she couldn't take anything away from a girl who had lost it all once already.

Not long ago, it had crossed her mind that something might be going on between the two of them, but she had shrugged it off, convincing herself she was being paranoid and overprotective. Maybe she just hadn't wanted to see it, even though it had been right in her face for quite some time now. Whenever Jane and Kaidan touched each other, it somehow seemed so intimate and passionate, even when it was an innocent gesture, like a handshake or a hug.

But, maybe there was no need for her to worry too much. That situation would sort itself out once Jane enlisted and moved out, right? It was probably just an infatuation anyway, since Jane was still young and Kaidan was smart, handsome, and older than her.

Now, Kaidan… If he just wanted to fool around, Barbra hoped he knew better than to get involved with someone as troubled as Jane. That girl didn't need to have her heart broken on top of everything else she had been through already. How far was Kaidan planning on taking this?

Sitting in front of the terminal in her room, Barbra was about to call him when she decided to talk to her husband first. Perhaps Rylan could help her figure out what would be the best way to deal with this.

It was earlier than the time they usually talked, and the commander appeared on her screen looking worried, probably noticing she was upset.

"Barb, is everything okay?"

"It's Kaidan and Jane, Rylan. I think they're dating."

"Dating? That's great news! So, he finally got over that ex-girlfriend of his? Rhonda?"

"Rahna."

"Moping around over that girl was doing him no good. It must've been one nasty break-up. I think he spent more time pining for her than actually dating her."

Barbra didn't know exactly what kind of reaction she had been expecting from her husband, but that was not it. He was not one to search for the bright side of things. If he had said it was good that Kaidan and Jane were dating, then it was because he really hadn't seen anything wrong with it. Was she overreacting?

"Look, I was going to tell you this later, but since you called… There's a big op coming up. I'll be commanding the SSV Einstein again. I won't be able to make it for your birthday; I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Rylan. Don't worry about it."

"I'll make it up to you."

She smiled. "I know." He was never home much but, whenever he could, he would always do his best to make up for his absence.

"Look, I can't really talk right now. Can I call you later, the usual time?"

"Sure. Stay safe, honey."

So, maybe it was not the end of the world that Kaidan and Jane were dating and it didn't mean Barbra had done something wrong as a parent, but she had to make sure Kaidan knew what he was doing. Jane had been through a lot of trauma and, emotionally, she was more fragile than she would let on.

"Ma, I'm not going to apologize." It was the first thing he said. Barbra figured Jane must have warned him. "And, I'm not going to stop seeing her either. We're not doing anything wrong."

"How do you feel about her?"

Looking surprised by her question, he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out; he only stammered.

"You can't sleep with her, son," she continued before he could answer.

"Ma! I can't believe we're talking about this." He dragged his hands over his face, shaking his head. "Look, we're not brother and sister, okay? We're not even remotely related. She's been living with you for little over a year and, most of that time, I… I spent avoiding her." His expression saddened at the end, his tone losing its initial heat.

_He likes her._ She saw it in his eyes. "You really do like her," she whispered, more to herself than to him, but he heard her.

"I… I do." He sighed. "Ma, I won't do anything irresponsible. I'll take care of her, you can trust me."

Her son was a decent man, she knew he was; she had raised him that way. It was just the oddity of the whole situation that had made her so unsure and worried about his relationship with Jane. But, yes, she trusted him. Kaidan wouldn't hurt that girl. Maybe it would even be the other way around; Jane would hurt him once she enlisted and went off to who knows where the Alliance would send her.

* * *

09/23/2171

Lisa told her probation officer, Mr. Flores, that she could work every day, six, even eight hours a day. She just wanted to get her fifty hours of community service over with before she turned eighteen, or it would delay the beginning of her training and military service. But, Mr. Flores seemed to really care about all the young offenders placed under his watch and wouldn't allow her to work more than four hours a day. As if to test her patience, he scheduled her to work only three times a week because, despite her claims that she was used to it, he considered the work she had been given too heavy.

For her, it really wasn't. She had been assigned to help with the maintenance of the many public parks in the city. Her chores involved raking dry leaves, trimming any leaves and branches that were invading the pathways within the parks, and pulling up any dead plants and planting new ones on their place. Except for the raking, which was really tiring and boring, all her other functions were pretty familiar to her.

Still, there was no convincing Mr. Flores to let her work longer hours. That left Lisa with a lot of free time on her hands. At Commander Alenko's suggestion, she joined a gym to take martial arts classes. He had told her several times that, if she ever wanted to go to the front lines, she couldn't rely solely on her biotics. Eventually, she would learn how to shoot, but it surely couldn't hurt to know how to fight, too.

Lisa also took up cooking dinner, so Mrs. Alenko could have her evenings free.

Ever since their talk, a few days earlier, Barbra hadn't mentioned Lisa's relationship with Kaidan again. Both women were clearly avoiding the subject, though Lisa knew that her foster mother had started to accept it to some level or Kaidan wouldn't have shown up for their date last Saturday.

They had gone to the movies, talked and had fun, but in order to not to cause another incident like the one at the Aquarium, they hadn't done much more than hold hands. Only when he was dropping her off, had they kissed.

It had been too little. She wondered if it would be like this every time. Maybe they should practice trying to better control their biotics when they were together; yet, it felt so good to let it out, to flare and let it burn. She decided that the next time they went out, she would suggest that they go to his place afterwards, so they could really be together without having to worry about holding back their biotics.

* * *

09/28/2171

In the afternoon, Kaidan showed up for his date with Lisa. This time, he had brought his bike, and Lisa was going to rent one from a bike stand at Locarno Beach, so they could ride together along the bike path on the English Bay. Trying to avoid the inevitable awkwardness that would come from the two of them being in the same room as Mrs. Alenko, they rushed out of the house.

Kaidan and his mom usually got along really well, and Lisa felt bad for causing this discomfort between them, but she couldn't just end things with Kaidan. Her whole life, she had been alone. Now, she had someone who wanted to be with her and she liked him, too; she wasn't going to give up on that. Even if the Alliance sent her off-planet, it didn't mean it would be the end for them, right?

He had asked her about her community service and they had been talking and riding for quite a while, when it started drizzling.

"It's raining," he said.

Lisa shrugged. "It's just a drizzle. I don't mind."

"Don't you think we should seek cover somewhere until it stops?"

"I was raised on a farm, Kaidan. Growing crops. I don't mind a little rain and mud."

"Yeah, but…"

"Oh! I see what's going on. _You_ mind the rain, because it's going to mess up your hair." She gave him a cheeky smile and he blushed.

"No, I… uh…"

"Ha! I knew it!" Right now, he looked so embarrassed, she decided not to tease him further. "Okay, how about we go into that café across the street?"

"Sounds good."

They crossed the street and locked their bikes at the bike rack outside the café. Just as the drizzle was starting to turn into a shower, they got inside.

They found a table and ordered sandwiches and drinks. As they waited for the food, she held his hand over the table, intertwining their fingers.

"Kaidan, do you think we could go to your apartment after this?" He seemed a little taken aback by her question, so she hastily added, "You know, if it's not too late and you're not busy…"

"Jane, I— ah, I don't know if that's a good idea."

She frowned. "Don't you want more than just holding hands and a good-night kiss?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course I want more. Gosh, Jane, you have no idea how you make me feel. It's just that…"

"We won't do anything you don't want to."

Kaidan laughed. "You know, you always do that..."

"Do what?"

"Say the things that I'm supposed to be saying. Like when I'm trying to comfort you and you end up comforting me instead. Don't you think I should be the one inviting you to my apartment and reassuring you that we won't do anything you don't want to?"

Lisa smiled, stroking his hand tenderly. "I trust you, Kaidan; you don't have to tell me stuff like that. But, I'll be enlisting in a few weeks and I don't know how often we'll be able to see each other, so… I wanted you to know that I'd like to spend more time with you while we can."

His eyes dropped, his expression turning sad. "Yeah. I guess I hadn't thought of that. I mean, I knew you were going to join the service, but… I hadn't realized that would be happening in less than a month."

Lisa took a look around, considering if it was safe to reach across the table and kiss him.

"We shouldn't. Not here," he told her.

It made her grin that he had figured out her intentions. "Can we go to your place, then?"

"Yeah," he agreed.

They didn't have time for anything else. That very instant, three masked men suddenly stormed the café, waving guns and yelling, "Everyone on your knees! Now! Keep your faces down and your hands above your head!"

What the hell? Even having her back to the men, she recognized the voice that had told them to get on their knees. She knew him.

Slowly, Lisa stood up with her hands in the air and turned to face the criminals. Kaidan was getting on his knees and muttered angrily under his breath, "Jane, what are you doing? Are you insane? They have guns!"

The men were wearing black ski masks, and she could see only their eyes and mouths, but she was pretty sure who two of them were. The third started coming towards her with his gun pointed at her chest and she felt the surge of dark energy in Kaidan. "Don't," she told him urgently and he gave her an indignant look.

Her eyes locked with one of the guys she recognized and he told the one who was threatening her to stop and go watch the people behind the counter.

"Jarell?" she whispered her question to Ty — her friend from the orphanage who had apparently joined the same gang his older brother had been a part of.

_Please, God, don't let Jarell be in some gang with them_.

Ty shook his head. "Alliance," he replied and she let out a relieved sigh. "Raj too."

"Can I go?" she asked, her voice low and careful.

He nodded and she reached for Kaidan, taking his hand in hers. Mano and Ty exchanged glances and she shot them a pleading look. A tense second went by until they nodded and Kaidan slowly got up on his feet. His body was glowing blue with his barrier and she squeezed his hand hoping he wouldn't try anything as Mano took a step towards her.

"Scar," Mano touched her arm lightly and she felt Kaidan tensing even more, "take care," he said.

She looked at him and Ty. "You, too."

Keeping a tight grasp on Kaidan, she turned around and hastily left the café with him. Once they were out on the street, they retrieved their bikes and started down the road under the pouring rain.

Only a block away from the café, he waved her to stop and they sought cover under the marquee of a closed shop. They dismounted from their bikes and leaned them against the wall. Kaidan was making a call with his tool but she stopped him, holding his arm. "What are you doing?"

"Calling the police."

"No. They let us go. Just leave it. Someone else probably called them already anyway."

"You're protecting them, those criminals? Are you mad?"

"Kaidan, it's not like that."

"Of course you are protecting them. You even know them! How come you know them, Jane?" He raised his voice and it wasn't only because the rain was heavy and loud around them.

"Calm down! I can explain."

He yanked his arm out of her grasp. "Why didn't you throw up a barrier? One of them was pointing a gun at you!"

"They were not going to shoot me!" she yelled back, losing her temper.

"That other guy, the one you didn't know, he could have!"

"Mano and Ty wouldn't let him."

"Mano and Ty? You have nicknames for them, your criminal buddies?" Kaidan raked his fingers through his hair, anger radiating from him. "For fuck's sake, Jane! They were armed!"

"They were my friends from the shelter. They wouldn't hurt me."

"How could you know? One of them called you 'Scar!' Do you think they care about you? Or anyone?"

"That's just a nickname. I don't mind. They were always good to me. They made living at the shelter bearable."

"What if they shoot someone in there?"

She didn't want to even think about that. "Kaidan, please, let's just go."

"No. You can go; I'm calling the police."

"You don't understand. They lived in the shelter their whole lives. They never had a family or someone who cared enough to teach them better. The shelter doesn't even give you a proper education and then they throw you out on the street when you turn eighteen and you're supposed to live on your own. Do you think they had a chance?"

"Are you trying to justify their actions? You think that because they had a rough childhood they have the right to point a gun in innocent people's faces?"

Kaidan was fuming. His fists were clenched and dark energy was burning around him. There was no way she was going to change his mind. Deep down, she knew he was right, but she couldn't see Ty and Mano as the bad guys he was making them out to be. They had been such good friends to her and, even after what had just happened at the café, she still wanted to believe they were the same kids that had laughed with her as she'd made them fly on the shelter rooftop.

She climbed on her bike. "Fine. Don't do anything crazy; just call the police, okay? I'm going home, I don't want to be here."

As she left in the pouring rain without saying good-bye, he didn't protest. He just let her go, both of them stubbornly avoiding giving each other another look until she had disappeared around the corner.


	13. Apart

_A/N: Sorry I didn't get a chapter out last week. Things have been rough here and when I'd find time to write, I couldn't focus. Lucky me, I have you, my lovely readers, adding this story to your alerts and favorites and leaving me nice reviews that encourage me to keep going. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you're still out there._

_Thank you to my dear friend and wonderful beta, Suilven._

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Apart**

_JaneS.: Did you call the police?_

_KaidanA.: Yes._

_JaneS.: And?_

_KaidanA.: Your friends escaped before they got there_.

Lisa was relieved to know that, but she wasn't going to mention it to Kaidan. He wasn't going to be happy to hear it and he could probably figure out her feelings on the matter anyway.

_KaidanA.: That's what you wanted, isn't it?_

Yeah, he figured it out.

_JaneS.: It doesn't matter now._

_KaidanA.: Of course it matters._

_JaneS.: I let you call the cops, didn't I?_

_KaidanA.: You bought them time, arguing with me just to delay the call._

Now, that was kind of offensive and Lisa turned off her tool. She didn't want to talk to him anymore.

Several days went by without them contacting each other. If he was waiting for her to apologize, well… she wouldn't. In the end, she had let him call the police, like he had wanted to, so she didn't think she had anything to apologize for. It was not her fault that her friends had escaped. Or, maybe it was, because while insisting with Kaidan not to make the call, she really had bought Mano and Ty some time. Still, she hadn't done it intentionally and did not regret it.

* * *

10/05/2171

For the last three weekends, they had gone out together. This Saturday, despite their fight last time, she had still hoped he would call. During the whole day, every chirp of her omni-tool had sent her heart racing in her chest, and every time she had been disappointed when it had turned out be something else.

Night was falling and she was losing hope. She put on her workout clothes and went to run on the treadmill for a distraction. Her tool was left in her bedroom so she could resist the urge to keep checking it for messages every five minutes.

She kept increasing the speed on the treadmill, pushing herself past her limit. She wanted to run to exhaustion and then pass out in bed, so this day would be over quickly. When had she become so needy? For most of her life, she had barely had any friends, and never a boyfriend, but that had never been a problem for her. Now she had gone one week without talking to Kaidan and was feeling lonely and lovesick. This was ridiculous. She had to pull herself together.

Even though the AC was on, she was sweating. Her legs were starting to hurt, her breathing was labored, but she kept running. Taking off her tank top, she used it to wipe her face and neck and then threw it on the floor.

Her hair was damp, she was flushed, and the muscles in her legs were burning when she thought it was time to stop. Someone opened the door to the gym and came inside, the door sliding shut behind them. If she hadn't just slowed the treadmill to finish her training, she would have probably stumbled and fell, so surprised to see it was Kaidan. She hadn't expected him to show up like that, and she looked like a mess.

His eyes ran down her body and then back up, making her feel self-conscious in her sports bra and very short shorts. Covering the scar under her breast with her hand, she jumped off the treadmill before it had stopped and went scrambling for her discarded tank top. She turned her back to him as she put it on and, when she turned around again, he was rubbing the back of his neck, looking a little embarrassed.

"Hey, I… ah, I didn't mean to stare. Sorry I made you uncomfortable."

"I just wish you had told me you were coming. I would've showered and got dressed and—"

"Don't worry. You look fine."

"I seriously doubt that."

"You do. Trust me," he said with a smile. "And, I did call you, but—"

"Right. I left my tool in the bedroom when I came in here."

"I was wondering if we could talk."

"Sure." She led him to the bench next to the set of dumbbells, but decided against sitting by his side, since she probably stunk.

"Aren't you going to sit?"

"I think I should take a shower first. Can you wait? I won't be long."

"Jane," he got up and gently held her arm so she wouldn't leave, "I just want to work things out."

His touch made her shiver, the feel of his biotics raising goosebumps on her skin. She wondered if she would ever get used to this sensation, if one day touching him would stop feeling this intense. Honestly, she hoped it wouldn't.

Their eyes met and she found it very hard not to just kiss him and forget about everything else. But, shouldn't they apologize first?

He was probably thinking the same thing and, at the same time, they both opened their mouths to say it, but neither went through with it. They were quiet for a while, just staring at each other.

It seemed there weren't going to be any apologies then, and she didn't think it likely that one of them would come around on their opinions. So, now what?

"Maybe you could tell me about the orphanage and the friends you made there?" Thankfully, he had a plan B to try and make this reconciliation work.

They sat down together this time and she started talking. She told him about the cramped dorms and the poor education provided by the shelter—with all kids over eleven years old sharing the same classroom. She also told him how she had met Jarell, Ty, Mano, and Raj, and about her involuntary biotic display in the cafeteria that Jarell had provoked.

Kaidan was annoyed to hear this, but she assured him she was glad it had happened, because it had led to the only moments when she had had fun at the orphanage—and the first times she had laughed after the attack on Mindoir, but she didn't tell Kaidan that part–which had been when she and the boys had gone to the shelter rooftop for her to use her biotics.

She explained to him how usually no one wanted the older kids; that most couples would go there looking for babies and kids with rare traits, like blond or red hair and green or blue eyes. "With the scar, the biotics, my age, and uninteresting hair color, I was sure I would be there until I turned eighteen, you know? Jarell, Mano, Ty, and Raj thought so, too. That was why they allowed me to get close to them. After years there, never being chosen while there were always others getting adopted, I understand why they would shut everyone out." She looked down and let out a sad sigh. "When I told them I was leaving the shelter, that Mrs. Legrand had found me a home, they didn't take it very well. I never wanted to hurt them, but I did."

"Hey," Kaidan softly cupped her cheek, making her look up at him, "you couldn't have known my parents would want to foster you. What could you have done? You weren't going to just stay there."

"Yeah… and I guess that, eventually, they understood." _Or, they wouldn't have let me go, or let me take someone out of there with me that day at the café. They still trust me and consider me a friend. Ty even told me to take care._ This thought brought a small smile to her lips, but it was gone when Kaidan pulled away and started staring pensively at a spot above her shoulder.

"Was this why you didn't want to call the police that day? You think you owe them something because you found a family?" he asked.

He was making an effort to keep his tone neutral and have a polite conversation instead of another argument, and she tried the same as she answered, "No. I owe them, but it's not because I was lucky enough to find someone who would take me in. They made me feel accepted, the first friends I'd had in a long time. You know, if I could have, I would have tried to talk Mano and Ty out of going through with the robbery, or even from joining a gang in the first place. They are good people–"

Lisa noticed Kaidan's lips were pressed into a thin line, his annoyance clear on his face as he resisted the urge to interrupt her and object to what she had just said.

"–and they deserved to have had better opportunities in life," she continued. "I know what they were doing was wrong, but they're still my friends and I don't think getting them arrested would be of any help."

Kaidan started to say something, but she cut him off. "And, since there was no other way I could help them at that moment, I decided to just not make things worse for them."

"What about all the people they were robbing? Did you think about them?"

He didn't look surprised when she didn't answer that. "So, where's this Jarell? I saw you ask for him and your friend said he had joined the Alliance, right? And the other one, too. Raj." He was losing his cool. Their make up conversation was going south.

"Yeah…"

"So, there is a choice. They all had opportunities, but the two of them still decided to become criminals and you're defending them! I know you don't have many friends, Jane, but some of them are not worth keeping. You have to draw a line somewhere. If they're pointing a gun at you, you're way past that line."

"You can either be a soldier for the Alliance or a soldier for a gang. What kind of choice is that? What if you don't want to fight? What if you don't want to be a fucking soldier? Do you think you can get a job when you can't even afford an omni-tool for people to contact you? Do you have any idea of what it's like to be alone, with nowhere to go and no means to survive? Do you know what it's like to live in a world where there is no one you trust, no one who even knows you or you know them?"

Only at the end did Lisa realize she was practically screaming. At some point, this argument had become about her, too.

"You'll never understand this, because you have everything. And you take it all for granted. You have a family, but you don't talk to your father and you spend months without coming here to visit your mother. You're the most intelligent person I know. You could go to a really good university if you wanted to, and your parents would gladly help you pay for it. You're also the most talented biotic I've ever seen. You could be in the Alliance, using your powers to help people. Instead, you're… you're…"

Lisa halted her rant short of calling him a spoiled brat and insulting him even more. It wasn't fair to him. His biotics had put him through hell, too, but he had turned out better than her, since he had been trying to do right thing while she had been drowning in double standards. Lowering her forehead to her palm, she took a deep calming breath. "Look, I'm sorry. I think I might have crossed a line there somewhere."

"You _think_?" He snorted and shook his head.

She reached a hand to touch his, but he avoided her, his biotics flaring. "Don't," he hissed, getting up and walking away.

Before he could reach the door, Lisa caught up with him and grabbed his arm. "Kaidan, wait."

Her touch made his steady blue corona destabilize, dark energy crackling messily around him. He looked hurt and angry as he turned to her. "What?"

She said nothing. He hadn't deserved to hear the things she had just told him. She always avoided talking about her family, the attack, and its aftermath until she couldn't anymore and had these outbursts. On her bad days, the simple fact that someone had a parent or a brother was enough to awake in her the pettiest feelings of jealousy and envy. On her worst days, she stayed locked up in her room, angry at the world and hating everything and everyone.

He deserved better, so she just shook her head and let him go.

* * *

10/21/2171

On the weekends that followed, Lisa stayed locked up in her room. This Monday morning, when she came out, Mrs. Alenko asked her if everything was okay. The 'between you and Kaidan' part was implied. Of course the woman had noticed she hadn't gone out with him the past few weekends.

Lisa lied, saying that everything was fine. Even though Barbra had been really upset to find out about their relationship, Lisa had insisted on keeping it up. Now, she was too embarrassed to admit they were over already and that she had put Barbra through all that angst for nothing.

Mrs. Alenko wasn't buying it, looking at Lisa with a frown on her face. But, at least, she didn't ask any more questions.

This was Lisa's last day of community service. It was windy and she came home exhausted, her back and right shoulder hurting badly, from raking dry leaves for hours at Stanley Park. At least she had managed to serve her sentence before her eighteenth birthday.

Despite her dirty clothes and sweaty skin, she dropped into bed. A shower could wait.

She set her omni-tool to play a list of old country love songs she liked and closed her eyes. Emily used to tease her, saying she had terrible taste in music, but Lisa didn't care. These songs reminded her of Mindoir, of her family's farm, of her father when he picked up his guitar and played for them at night…

Lisa was half asleep when a song came on that made her think of Kaidan.

_It's your love  
It just does somethin' to me  
It sends a shock right through me  
I can't get enough  
And if you wonder  
About the spell I'm under  
It's your love_

_Better than I was_  
_More than I am_  
_And all of this happened_  
_By takin' your hand_

_And who I am now_  
_Is who I wanted to be_  
_And now that we're together_  
_I'm stronger than ever_  
_I'm happy and free*_

She had been missing him badly these past days. If only they could sort this out some other way, or just forget this fight had ever happened… She considered calling him—he couldn't be so mad at her that he wouldn't be willing to at least talk—but she looked like a mess. She wasn't going to make a vid-call looking like that. With a tired sigh, she dragged herself out of bed and into the bathroom. Her right shoulder was so sore that she had to wash her hair with her left arm only. When she was done, she wrapped herself in a towel and went straight back to bed.

She imagined she still wasn't looking that good, but it would have to do. As she opened his contact on her tool and was about establish a connection, she noticed the date on the corner of her holoscreen. It would be her birthday in five days; they had run out of time. Once, she had thought they could still be together, no matter where the Alliance might send her. The Alenkos had been in a long distance relationship from the start, and they had always made it work. However, after their fights, she realized relationships were hard, even when you lived close to each other. She and Kaidan were not like the Alenkos, or any other couples she had ever known. They were both biotics who could barely control themselves around each other, thus, they couldn't even kiss in public. And, how many girls out there were friends with criminals and would try to talk their boyfriend out of calling the police to protect them? Not mention all her other issues, like her ugly scars, her nightmares, and all the things she had been hiding from him—including her real name.

It was best not to call him. He really was better off without her. And, he had probably already moved on.

* * *

10/23/2171

It was his mother's birthday. She had decided to not have a party this year, so Kaidan had called her and promised to stop by on the weekend with her gift. Barbra took the opportunity to ask him if everything was fine. She didn't say it, but he could bet she was talking about Jane and him. He just said he'd been busy, but that everything was okay. What had happened at the café, how Jane had reacted after running into those bandits that had turned out to be her friends, was not his story to tell. His mother wouldn't approve of her attitude, and would probably lecture her, and Kaidan didn't want Jane to think he had told on her.

The day of the robbery, after Jane had left, he had wondered if he should have gotten involved with her in the first place, since she would be leaving soon to join the military and, odds were, she wouldn't live in Vancouver anymore, maybe not even on Earth. However, he had been thinking about joining, too. He had seen how the Alliance had been there for Jane whenever she'd needed them. They valued biotics, and would give him a chance to grow and do something useful with himself. It sure seemed better than his dead end job at the shop. Plus, he would be joining on his own terms now, and not because his father had pushed him to do it.

There was purpose in being a soldier. It was about doing what was right, protecting innocent people, and securing humanity's future in space. It was about preventing other colonies from having the same fate as Mindoir; it was about saving a girl who had lost everything and giving her a reason to live.

It was about, and for, this girl.

Only, she was incredibly stubborn and frustrating, and they weren't even speaking to each other anymore.

Kaidan lay down in bed, resting his head on his folded arms as he stared at the ceiling, thinking about how he could fix things with Jane. He still had no clue as to what to do by the time he fell asleep, much later.

* * *

10/26/2171

It was the middle of the night and Lisa woke up with a start. Someone was knocking on her door, a desperate voice calling her. The person came inside her room. It was dark; Lisa squinted, but couldn't see who was there. Her mind was foggy, still half asleep.

The lights were suddenly turned on and she closed her eyes instinctively to protect herself from the brightness. Her heart was racing in her chest as she stumbled out of bed. Was this her home on Mindoir? Were they being attacked? She felt like she was going to be sick and covered her mouth with her hand.

"Jane," she heard someone call. Who was Jane? Her name was Lisa, her mother was Hannah, and her grandmother was Louise. There were no other women in the house. Oh, God! Her grandma! Someone needed to help her out. They were under attack and had to move fast.

"Jane, you're shaking. Are you all right?"

Sucking in a deep breath, trying to keep herself from throwing up, Lisa tried to find her grandma's bed. Her eyes were finally growing accustomed to the light and, as she looked around, she realized she didn't know where she was. The room was spinning, or maybe it was her, and she fell on her hands and knees.

"Mom, Dad." She wanted to shout for them to help but it came out just a hoarse whisper.

"Oh, Jane, my dear, I didn't mean to scare you."

There was a woman by her side, helping her to her feet, and then sitting her down on the bed. Lisa looked at her, blinking a few times. It was not her mother. This was not her room on Mindoir. "You're… you're Mrs. Alenko."

"I'm so sorry, dear. I shouldn't have barged in here like this. I was so nervous, I wasn't thinking straight."

Lisa froze, only now realizing Barbra was crying. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, dear. It's Rylan. I've just received a call from Captain Hackett. Something went wrong during his mission. They won't tell me what it is. It's all classified."

Lisa was still feeling sick from whatever had just happened to her; how was she supposed to deal with this news, too?

"He was closer to Earth than Arcturus. They are bringing him to the hospital here," Barbra said, wiping nervously at her eyes.

"How bad is he?" Lisa managed to ask.

"I don't know. I tried to reach him on his tool, but there was no answer, and Hackett wouldn't tell me anything. Would you come with me to the hospital?"

"Of course. I just need a minute."

"Oh, God! I still have to tell Kaidan," Mrs. Alenko sobbed.

Lisa was going to put her hand over Barbra's to comfort and reassure her, but gave up when she noticed she was still shaking and her hands were cold as ice. She wouldn't be of any help if she didn't pull herself together. Right now, she needed to be strong for her foster mother, not give her one more thing to worry about.

When the older woman left for Lisa to get dressed, the girl rushed into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She quickly turned on the shower so she wouldn't be heard, and barely had time to reach the toilet before the remains of her dinner came spewing out.

She retched a couple of times, until there was nothing left in her stomach. Feeling tired and weak, she didn't even undress as she went under the shower and sat on the tile floor, letting the hot water run over her.

* * *

His mother had scared the hell out of him when she had called him, crying, at three in the morning. She seemed calmer now when Kaidan found her in the waiting room at the hospital. Her eyes and nose were red and puffy, but at least there were no actual tears running down her face. She got up when she saw him and hugged him tightly.

Jane was slouched on a chair by her side, holding a hot beverage and looking somewhat like a zombie. He had never seen her skin so pale, and there were dark circles under her eyes. He read the 'hi' on her lips, since there was no sound actually coming out of her mouth as she had spoken.

He turned back to his mother. "How is he?"

"He went straight to surgery. They didn't let me see him."

Kaidan put his arm around her shoulders and they sat down together as she told him the little she knew about his father's condition.

After a few minutes, they were interrupted by the sound of Jane's cup hitting the floor, the quietness of the waiting room amplifying the noise. The girl scrambled to her feet, picking up the cup and running into the restroom as she frantically wiped her shirt where the liquid had spilled.

"She must have dozed off," his mother said. "I better go check on her."

Kaidan frowned, finding it odd that Jane would fall asleep while drinking coffee. "Don't worry, Ma. I don't think her coffee was hot anymore."

Barbra glanced at the door Jane had disappeared behind. "It's not just about that; something happened to her earlier today. When I woke her up, she seemed… disoriented. She was shaking and fell on her knees, calling for her parents." She sighed tiredly. "Son, I don't know why you two hid from me that you weren't dating anymore. But, with everything that is going on with your dad right now–"

"Ma, don't worry about us, okay? I'll go talk to her."

Barbra nodded in agreement and Kaidan went over to meet Jane as she was leaving the restroom. She looked like she could use some… food, rest, clean clothes, a friend… yeah, she was in pretty bad shape.

Kaidan asked her if she would like to go get something to eat at the hospital's cafeteria and she agreed. At this hour, the place was empty, and only the vending machines were working. They got snacks and drinks and sat down at a table together.

"Are you okay? Ma said you–"

"I'm fine. Just tired," she interrupted. "I think we should head back. The doctors might come back with news."

Kaidan stared down, pensively. He didn't even remember the last time he had talked to his father that hadn't ended up in an argument. What if something happened to him now? Would his last words to his dad be angry ones?

"Hey," Jane said. It was just one word, but enough for him to notice she was sounding much less defensive now. She knew something was bothering him. "The commander is tough, and I want to say that he'll get through this for sure, but… sometimes that doesn't happen. Not everyone gets a second chance."

She took a deep breath and went over to sit on the chair by his. "If he does, try to make things right with him. We never know when it's the last time we might see someone, and it really sucks when you try to remember the last moments you had together and all that comes to mind is angry yelling."

He didn't know much about her family, but he knew enough to figure out she was talking about her brother. "The commander is a good man, Kaidan," she continued. "If you have another chance, don't let it go to waste."

Her words weren't the most optimistic. There were no empty reassurances that everything would be fine—which wasn't surprising, given the tragic, abrupt way her family had been taken from her. She was so young, but already hardened by a life that had showed her little mercy.

"Whatever happens, I'm here for you, Kaidan. I hope you still consider me a friend." Her hand reached for his, slow and uncertain, testing if he would reject her touch. He didn't.

"I do. Thank you." Their eyes met and he slid a hand up her arm and pulled her into a hug. She was stiff for a second, but then she gave in. They both needed it, the contact, the warmth, and they clung to each other. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, his lips lightly touching her skin and making her shiver and lean into him.

As they began to pull away, Jane kissed him softly on the cheek. He inhaled a sharp breath and decided to stop their retreat. His hand went up to the back of her neck and he held her to him as his lips pressed to her cheek and the corner of her mouth, his kiss a little more forceful than hers. She turned then, just that one inch that was missing for their mouths to fully connect.

His tongue brushed her lips slightly. She tasted like candy from the sugary strawberry energy drink she'd just had. He pulled back and smiled at her. Their eyes locked and he kissed her again. "I missed you," he whispered against her lips.

"Kaidan…" Her tone was sad and it worried him. She tensed as she leaned back in her chair. "This is wrong. You're upset and worried about your father. You're vulnerable. I shouldn't have done this."

He could tell her the same thing. She was clearly not fine and, instead of talking to her about it, getting her to open up to him, he had talked about his own problems and then he had kissed her, too.

"Jane, I–"

"We should head back, stay with your mom. We can talk about his later, if you want."

He agreed, but he already knew where he would stand in that conversation, and he made it clear to her by lacing his fingers in hers and letting a wisp of dark energy twirl around their joined hands as they walked down the quiet hallways of the hospital. When she gave his hand a gentle squeeze and released a wisp of her own to mingle with his, he let out a relieved breath. A small smile crept onto his face, and they kept their hands entwined, only letting go of each other when they were about to enter the waiting room.

* * *

*Song _It's Your Love_, by Tim McGraw.


	14. Fireworks

_A/N: Thank you all for reading, adding this to your alerts and favorites and for the lovely reviews. I love you all! Try to remember that when you get to the end of this chapter. You'll see why._

_Suilven, thank you from the bottom of my heart for beta-ing this fic for me and for being a friend. You're the best!_

* * *

**Chapter 14 – Fireworks**

10/24/2171 – _Two days before the end of the last chapter_

The operation had been underway for months now. An N5 operative had gone undercover to work with a pirate group that had been targeting settlements and shipment vessels in the Exodus cluster. The N5's mission had been to find out how many pirate bases there were and where they were located, so the Alliance could launch a simultaneous attack to take down all their bases at once and end their operations for good.

Once all the information had been gathered by the operative, the Alliance had started to secretly monitor the pirate bases and had put several ships on hold, waiting for the right time to start the attack.

Under Rylan Alenko's command, the SSV Einstein had been assigned to take down the pirates' headquarters on Loki. The planet's inhospitable atmosphere and vast network of underground tunnels proved to be an excellent hideout. Any long-range attacks from orbit, or the surface, would be ineffective. They would have to go in on foot, infiltrate the tunnels, and fight the pirates to the last man, or at least until they could locate and shut down all the life-support systems that had been installed in the tunnels.

It was no simple mission, and Commander Alenko had put every single one of his marines on it, dividing them into two teams. He had decided to personally lead the first team and had let the head of his marine detail be in charge of the second.

Despite being caught by surprise, the pirates had been numerous and had known the layout of the tunnels better than anyone else. The marines had managed to advance, slowly and meticulously clearing that treacherous hideout, but not without taking casualties.

The last thing Rylan remembered was a pirate aiming a missile launcher, not at him, but at a weapons crate he had just passed by along with his team.

* * *

Nov/2171

Lisa wasn't surprised that Emily had been the only person in the galaxy to remember her birthday. Kaidan and his mother had too much on their minds with Commander Alenko hanging by a thread in the hospital.

At first, all they knew was that Rylan had been hit by some sort of explosion and had gotten buried under a collapsed tunnel. It was only on the next day that they had found out the extent of his injuries. The doctors had had to perform several surgeries; repairing a skull fracture that was causing a cerebral hemorrhage, removing shrapnel from his body, reconstructing one of his hands, growing and implanting skin where his had been burned along with his armor, and repairing broken ribs and a punctured lung.

He had been in an induced coma for weeks while going through all the medical procedures needed to save him. During all this time, his family had only been able to see him through a thick glass window that looked into his ICU room. When the doctors had begun to consider moving him to a regular room, he had gotten pneumonia, and the punctured lung the doctors had repaired at first ended up having to be replaced by a cloned one.

Lisa postponed her enlistment, so she could be there for her foster parents and help them through this hard time. Once the commander had been awakened from the induced coma and released from the ICU, she started taking turns with Kaidan and Barbra to stay by his bed at the hospital. His wife didn't want him to be alone since, during his waking hours, he was still experiencing confusion, trouble with his memory, lack of coordination, and other difficulties due to the head trauma he had sustained and was still recovering from.

* * *

12/04/2171

Kaidan arrived at the hospital to spend the night with his father. His mother was still there, and told him she could stay tonight so Kaidan could go out with his friends to celebrate his birthday. However, he didn't feel like celebrating and assured her she could go home and rest.

His father's room was small, but it had a couch that could be used as bed, a wheeled table, and a chair. It was late at night and the old man was fast asleep. Kaidan had turned off all the lights except for a lamp over the couch where he was sitting as he read the latest updates to Rylan's medical chart.

He had just put the pad away when Jane showed up there unannounced. He wasn't expecting her, but it sure was a nice surprise. Noticing the commander was asleep, she tried not to make any noise as she pulled the wheeled table closer to the couch and sat down by Kaidan's side.

"Happy birthday," she whispered and hugged him.

They still hadn't had a chance to talk and sort out their relationship, if they even had one, and what they were going to do about it. With this whole deal with his father, everyone had been worried all the time, always coming and going from the hospital, sending updates about his condition to each other, and there had never been time, or the right mood, to discuss the two of them. Tonight, it wouldn't be any different, but at least it seemed they would spend some time together and, for that, he was happy.

"How is he?"

Kaidan looked over at his father, his shaved head and new scars making him look different, older. His dosage of pain meds was still too strong and kept him sleeping most of the time. And, during his waking hours, he always seemed tired. His voice was hoarse; his hands were clumsy and weak. Kaidan had never thought he would see his father like this. His condition was improving a little each day, but it was a slow process.

"Getting better," he said. "They brought him soup for dinner and he ate it all by himself. It was a bit messy, but he did it."

"Using his right hand?"

"Yeah." It was the hand that had to be reconstructed, and Rylan was having trouble adjusting. He never complained, but Kaidan was sure it hurt, given the way his father grimaced whenever he tried to use that hand during his physical therapy sessions.

"That's great news, Kaidan." She smiled, and he nodded in agreement.

Jane retrieved a few things from a backpack she was carrying and set them on the table—a six-pack of Kaidan's favorite beer, plastic plates, forks and knives, and a white box. With a little more fumbling, she produced a birthday candle and a lighter. His curiosity got the best of him and he opened the box to find a small cake with messy blue frosting.

"I'm not good with decorations. Sorry. But, the cake is good. Red velvet."

"You made this?"

"Of course I did. From scratch. Told ya I could bake, didn't I?" She gave him a playful smug look.

"Red velvet with blue frosting?" He frowned.

"What? Are you the pastry police now? It's not like there's a rule that says red velvet cake can't have whichever color of frosting we like. Open your mind, Kaidan," she teased him, waving her hands in an exaggerated manner.

They laughed quietly and Kaidan grabbed the plastic knife to cut the cake, but she stopped him. "Candle and wish first."

He watched her as she lit the candle and settled it on the cake and thought that he already had one of his wishes come true—to find a girl who understood and accepted him, who was not afraid, who was a friend and a partner. As she looked back at him, he smiled at her and did make one wish when he blew out the candle: for his father to get better.

The cake was delicious and proved to be no match for their biotic appetites. They ate whole thing in minutes. Kaidan finished first and eyed her last piece greedily.

Pulling the plate protectively closer to her, she turned away from him. "Mine."

"C'mon, I just want a small bite."

"No."

"Please?"

She glanced at him and he made his best puppy eyes look at her. "Damn you, Kaidan. Biotics don't share food," she grumbled, but fed him with the chunk of cake on her fork.

He let out a pleasured moan as he ate it, a cheeky grin on his face. "You really can bake, Jane. What do I have to do to get another one of these?" he asked, his mouth still full.

Her plate was now empty, and she settled it on the table as she turned back to him, covering her mouth to muffle her laugh. She had a witty reply ready for him, but it died on her lips as she realized how close they really were to each other. He had scooted over to steal her cake, and now he had one arm stretched over her backrest and the other on her knee.

Kaidan swallowed and pulled away, flushing with embarrassment. They should have talked about this, about them. He knew what he wanted, but he wasn't sure if she wanted the same.

"Beer?" she offered, and he was thankful that she had spoken before the silence had gotten too awkward.

They each picked one, popped them open and toasted quietly. "How did you get it?" he asked her.

"What do you mean? I bought it."

"Yeah, but how?" At her look of confusion it dawned on him that it would be no trouble for her to buy alcohol, because she had already turned eighteen. He had completely forgotten about her birthday. "Fuck, Jane. I'm sorry. It was in October, right?"

"It's okay, Kaidan. It was the day your father checked in here. You'd barely had any sleep. You were tired and worried; I don't mind." She shrugged.

He looked down and shook his head. "I should've remembered. You're doing all this for me and now I feel like an asshole."

"Hey," she ran a hand through his hair and then cupped his face, making him look at her, "it's fine."

His hand covered hers on his cheek, holding her to him. "So, uh… you're not leaving? I thought you were joining the service."

"I am, but I've decided to wait until the commander gets better. Your mother could use the help."

"I guess. Thank you. You didn't have to do this."

"Yeah, I did." She smiled, and he leaned in to touch his forehead to hers, his hand sliding to entwine in her hair.

"Jane, can I… I want to…"

She sucked in a shuddering breath and gave him the slightest nod. His lips met hers and their biotics began to crackle. They kissed slowly and softly, trying not to making any noises that could disturb his father, and holding back the discharge of dark energy so they wouldn't light up the room. Still, the urge to deepen the kiss was driving him insane.

Jane must have been feeling the same, because she reached for the cover he had brought to spend the night on the couch and pulled it over them. Instantly, her lips parted and their tongues touched; their biotics enveloping them as they got lost in each other.

He wanted to lower her onto the couch, slide his hands under her shirt and feel her bare skin. Then, he would trail kisses down her neck, get rid of her shirt, unhook her bra and… God, his father was right there. This was not the time for them to be doing this.

She slid her legs across his lap as she pulled him to her, seeking a better angle and more contact, and he realized he already had his hands under her shirt and was halfway to laying her down under him on the couch.

"Jane…" It sounded more like a moan and not at all like he meant for them to stop. He cleared his throat and tried again. "We can't. We have to…"

"… I know." She took in a deep breath as he blew out a frustrated one and, grudgingly, they pulled apart.

Getting up, she straightened her clothes and smoothed her hair. "I guess I should go."

He wanted her to stay and, if he asked, she probably would, but the couch was too small for both of them to sleep on and it was killing him as it was to have her there but having to hold back. Plus, she was getting the morning shift with his dad and deserved a good night's sleep.

"I'll be back at six so you can stop by at home before you go to work."

He nodded. "Thank you."

* * *

12/24/2171

The commander was back home by Christmas Eve. After everything that had happened, and to Barbra's relief, he was thinking about an early retirement. The Alliance had even offered him an honorable discharge after the doctors had declared him physically incapable of resuming his previous functions.

Barbra was happy to see he was already making plans for his retirement, including buying land in the country and finally having an orchard, like he had always wanted to; like his grandmother used to have in Singapore, where he'd grown up.

The woman watched as her small family took their places at the table for their Christmas dinner and her eyes welled up with tears. It was terrible that Rylan had gotten so badly hurt, but at least it had brought them closer together. Kaidan had been at the hospital every day to see his dad, had spent many nights with him, had given him moral support during his physical therapy sessions, had helped him feed and bathe when he had been too weak to do it by himself. Father and son had been fighting for so long, years, and now they were finally on good terms again. Barbra could hardly believe it.

There was also Jane. The girl had delayed her enlistment just to help them take care of Rylan. Barbra hadn't asked her to do it. She had understood, and was even expecting Jane would go away the week after her birthday, but the girl had stayed. Jane was the piece that had been missing to make the Alenko family whole; the only one who had managed to break through to Kaidan, tear down the walls he had built around himself after BAat, and put a smile back on his face.

Her two kids were always discreet in front of others and did not comment on their relationship, but Barbra knew they were together again—the same way she had known when they had been apart a couple of months ago. She could see the complicity in their eyes when they exchanged glances, the genuinely content smiles that they did not share with anyone else, and the touches, light, small, but constant.

Barbra was sure they loved each other. It was not on the way she had expected they would, but it was still honest and beautiful. They seemed happy together, and, so, she was happy for them.

* * *

12/31/2171

Like last year, Kaidan asked Jane out to Ambleside beach on New Year's Eve. Only, this time, it would be just the two of them. They were going to watch the fireworks together and carry on the "tradition" of having a beer on the beach that he had made up to cheer her up last year.

Although Ambleside beach was usually quiet, because of the occasion, it was quite busy tonight. Luckily, Kaidan managed to find them a nice spot, and laid out a blanket for them on the sand. They each picked up a beer from their six-pack, opened them, and clinked the bottles together before taking a swig.

The night was cold and windy. Kaidan remembered Jane saying her shoulder hurt on days like this. He noticed she kept rolling it, despite the three layers of clothing she was wearing, and he couldn't help thinking how much he would like to take her somewhere warmer and take care of her. Somewhere where he could lay her down in bed, rub a pain relief cream on her shoulder, maybe give her a massage and kiss her until she felt better.

"God, Kaidan… if you keep looking at me like that I'm going to kiss you and we're going scare everyone away from this beach for the second year in a row."

Flushing, he rubbed the back of his neck and looked over at the ocean. He hadn't even noticed he had been staring. "Sorry." His voice came out so low and husky, he cleared his throat before continuing. "I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay. I just wish we could be together whenever we felt like it. I wish…"

"We were normal?"

"No, I wish people just didn't mind the biotics. Weren't afraid. Didn't think we're crazy or violent and might hurt them just because we'd flared." Under her breath, she muttered, "Damned _muggles_."

Kaidan heard her and laughed. The reference was very appropriate. "This is not a biotic thing, Jane. I have no problem controlling myself around other biotics. This is you… us."

Their eyes locked for a moment, until she licked her lips and his gaze dropped to her mouth. "Damn it, Kaidan," she grumbled as she leaned in, closing the distance between them.

He put his arms around her and they kissed for a few seconds, just until the surge of dark energy got too strong and wild for them to be able to keep it in check and then they hastily pulled away to avoid flaring.

Kaidan took a deep breath and opened his second beer. This was getting really frustrating and there was still some time until midnight. They needed a distraction to help them keep their hands off each other.

"I've been thinking about joining the military," he said, remembering he hadn't told her about it yet. Also, it was a safe subject, one that most likely wouldn't lead to making out and flaring.

"Really?"

"Yeah. You were right, you know? With the biotics, I could do some good in the service. And the Alliance values people like us. No one else does."

Jane nodded in agreement. "Have you told your parents yet?"

"I talked to Pa about it while he was in the hospital. He was happy to hear it. Apparently, almost getting killed was not enough to change his appreciation for a military career." Kaidan smiled.

Jane did not share his amusement. She broke eye contact, her expression turning sad. "I should have told you earlier. I've enlisted already, on Thursday."

That was what she wanted, wasn't it? Then, why was she looking upset? "I thought you would once Pa was back home. If you'd told me, I'd have gone with you."

"I had no idea you were considering joining."

"I wish I had told you sooner, too, but things were so crazy with Pa in the hospital… When do you start basic?"

"January 6th."

"That's next week."

She nodded.

"Here?"

"Arcturus."

So that was why she was looking sad, then. What did that mean for them? Was there even a 'them' to begin with? They still hadn't talked about it. And, now that she wasn't his parents' responsibility anymore, she didn't have to ever come back to Vancouver if she didn't want to. "You weren't going to tell me?"

"I just did."

Kaidan rolled his eyes. He would have said something if the people on the beach hadn't been already getting up and beginning a countdown to midnight.

9, 8, 7…

Jane stood up, too, and held out a hand to him.

… 6, 5, 4…

He took it and didn't let go as he got to his feet. They intertwined their fingers and held each other's gaze as they finished counting.

… 3, 2, 1!

The fireworks started just as everyone was shouting, "Happy New Year!" All the _muggles_ around them be danmed, there was no way he wasn't going to kiss her now.

He pulled her into his arms and their mouths met with lips already parted, both eager to taste each other. The kiss escalated quickly, their hands roaming frantically, trying to find skin underneath all those layers of winter clothing.

Suddenly, she broke contact and took a step back, holding his arms to stop him, and he panicked. Had he done something wrong? Something she didn't want? Had he crossed a line with her without asking, without even noticing?

"Let's go back to your apartment," she said, and he let out the breath he'd been holding.

He thought of what this could mean, of all the implications… "Are you sure?"

Her lips curled into the most beautiful crooked grin ever, and he knew what her answer would be even before she voiced it.

"Yeah, I'm sure," she said, and despite the loud pounding of his heart in his ears, he heard her reply loud and clear—and read it on her lips, and saw it in her dark chocolate eyes—and, for a split second, he forgot it was New Year's Eve and thought the fireworks were only for them.

In the blink of an eye, they got rid of the empty bottles and picked up the blanket and headed out to his apartment. It might be past midnight but, for them, the night had just begun.


	15. Love

_A/N: I write mostly from either Kaidan or Lisa's POV and use a line break every time I switch between them. However, for a certain scene in this chapter, I'm going omniscient. I believe it will work better this way. Hope it's not confusing and you enjoy it._

_Thank you to my talented beta, Suilven, and to everyone who's reading. Your lovely reviews make my day. _

_One more thing, I'm on Tumblr and always announce my fic updates there, too. My url is the pen name I use here. Find me, if you're there, and let me know who you are! ;)_

* * *

**Chapter 15 – Love **

At school, Lisa had learned about sexual organs and reproduction and it had all seemed very unappealing. Of course, there had been novels she had read and movies she had seen that had sex scenes in them, and these had definitely been more interesting than her classes. Also, Emily had told her about it when she had slept with her boyfriend for the first time, but Lisa had been embarrassed to ask too many questions. So, overall, Lisa didn't think she knew much about sex.

The idea of a guy looking at her naked body was something that made her uneasy. Her scars were not easy on the eyes. And, if even before she'd gotten those awful marks, she'd never had a boyfriend, after them, she'd been sure she would never have one. That was, until she had met Jarell. He was nice and cute and funny and he'd thought she was pretty the way she was. He'd even kissed her.

Now, there was Kaidan. He was so handsome, athletic, and smart, and, if not for Emily encouraging her, Lisa would never in a million years have thought she had a chance with him.

Lisa remembered when she and Kaidan had gone on that date at the Aquarium, how eagerly his hands had slipped under her shirt as if he couldn't help it, as if he couldn't resist not touching her. His fingers had felt amazing on her skin; caressing, exploring, getting so close to her breasts, but always stopping short of actually touching her there. His knee had slid between her thighs, their bodies pressed together, as he had kissed her against a tree, and it had felt incredible.

That very night, she had dreamed of the two of them going further in their make out session, hands roaming freely, hastily undressing each other like in the movies. In her dream she had been perfect, unmarred, and he had whispered her real name as he had entered her. She had awakened right after that, panting, feeling hot and with her biotics burning. Lowering a hand to press against her center, she'd rubbed herself and it'd taken her only a few seconds until she was seeing stars, her body trembling from head to toe. Then, it had felt like all the tension had left her body and she had wanted nothing but to stay in bed for a while longer, just enjoying that sensation.

* * *

Arriving at his apartment brought her back to reality. Dream sex with Kaidan had been perfect, but the real thing was bound to be awkward, to say the least. What if it hurt? Was he aware that she had never done this before? She should tell him. What if she was bad at it? For all she knew, she could be. And, what if he didn't find her attractive? The scar under her breast, where the bullet had been lodged, was damn ugly.

After removing her coat, she decided to take off her sweater, too; it was warm and comfortable, but definitely not flattering. Thankfully, her dark skinny jeans and the form-fitting white t-shirt she had underneath didn't look so bad.

While he went over to the kitchen to get them drinks, she sat down on the couch in the living room and took a moment to just breathe and try to relax.

"So, I've got energy drinks, juice, coffee, water…" he yelled from the kitchen.

"No whiskey or beer?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't want to get you drunk."

Jane rolled her eyes, but did not argue. "Fine. I'll have whatever you're having."

He came back with a sexy smile on his face, holding two glasses that she couldn't care less about their contents, and looking gorgeous without his coat in a dark blue t-shirt and washed black jeans.

She extended her left arm to pick up one of the glasses from him, but his smile turned into a frown and he didn't give it to her, setting both glasses on the coffee table instead. "You're not using your right arm. You're in pain, aren't you?"

"No," she lied.

"On the beach, you kept rolling your shoulder. I saw it."

"I'm fine."

"Really? Then raise your hand," he said, standing in front of her with his arms crossed. "Above your head," he added, and she scoffed. "The fact that you're not doing it is confirmation enough."

She grumbled a curse word and, with a sharp intake of breath, she did as he had asked. Her shoulder was hurting indeed and she only held her hand up for a split second, gritting her teeth to hold back a grunt of pain as she lowered it again.

He had a concerned look on his face and she tried to reassure him she was fine, but he wasn't buying it. "You should get that checked again."

"Yeah."

"I mean it. Shouldn't it be healed by now?"

"Look," Lisa lowered her head, dragging her fingers through her hair, "it's complicated. A lot of muscle and tissue was destroyed. It was the middle of the night when I got shot. I can't tell what time it was when the commander found me, but…"she rubbed her eyes nervously, and spoke in a hurry so her voice wouldn't falter, "it was daytime already. Then, there was the trip to Arcturus. They gave me first aid in the shuttle, but there was only so much they could do, since there were no doctors in the crew. By the time I got to the hospital, the wounds were badly infected and that's why the scars are so bad." She ran her nails a bit too roughly on the scar tissue on her cheek, the healthy skin around it turning red.

"Jane…"

"The doctors did all they could. The muscle and nerve damage was extensive, especially in my shoulder." God, why did she have to get into that? Kaidan was looking like he was going to cry, she was feeling miserable, and the mood was completely ruined. "I don't want to talk about it, okay? Maybe I should go."

He hastily sat by her side and held his hands in hers so she wouldn't leave and would stop scratching her scarred cheek. "Jane, I'm sorry. I didn't know and I didn't mean to upset you. Please, stay."

"Kaidan, I…"

He raised his hand to gently run his thumb over her scar and then he softly pressed his lips against it. "I just wanted to help."

Lisa closed her eyes and nodded. "I know."

"Can I at least try to make it better?"

"Mm-hmm."

Kaidan smiled and gave her a peck on the lips. "Okay, then. Turn around, put your legs up on the couch and keep your back straight."

She followed his instructions and he turned, too, so that her back was against his chest. Out of habit, she took off her shoes and socks before putting her feet on the couch—her mother had always scolded her and Jeremy whenever they had lain down on the couch in the dirty shoes they had been wearing out on the farm.

Kaidan was looking at her a little surprised, so, apparently, that was not a rule at the Alenkos. Lisa wouldn't really know, because she had never put her feet up on Barbra's white couch when she'd had shoes on.

She was about to ask if she shouldn't have taken them off when Kaidan got rid of his. He kept one foot on the floor and pulled the other leg up to her side in such a way that she was sort of sitting between his legs.

Lisa didn't know what to do with her arms. Would it be okay if she rested them on his thighs?

"Hey, relax," he said, and she took that as a yes to her unspoken question.

The next thing she felt was his hand on her bad shoulder, fingers sure but gentle, massaging her sore muscles. His other hand was on her hip, and she wished he was touching her bare skin and not over the fabric of her shirt.

The massage was wonderful and she couldn't help the moan that escaped her when his fingers eased the tension out of an especially painful spot, making it better.

"God, Jane…" he whispered in response, his husky voice sending shivers down her spine. "Don't do that."

He pushed her hair out of the way to fall over her left shoulder, and she felt his breath blowing warm against the nape of her neck. Heat was pooling low in her belly at his closeness, the warmth of his body, his touch.

His fingers ran softly up and down her neck. It didn't look like a massage anymore, just a caress. It felt too damn good and she covered his hand that was on her hip with hers and guided it under her shirt.

He leaned in to plant kisses on her neck, fingers curling around her waist. His other hand snaked under her shirt, too, and she tightened her grip on his thighs, squeezing him as their biotics erupted.

Their hands met on the hem of that annoying piece of clothing, both wanting to get rid of it. She raised her arms, her bad shoulder not so bad anymore, and he pulled it off of her. He removed his own shirt, too, and she leaned back against his chest.

He slipped a finger under each strap of her bra, sliding them down to fall over her arms, before caressing and kissing the exit wound mark on her back from the shot she had taken to the shoulder.

She shivered as she felt his breath hot on her ear. "Can I take this off?" he asked, his fingers trailing down to find the clasp of her bra.

Not trusting her voice right now, Lisa just nodded.

He unhooked it and slowly pushed it off her, hands skimming lightly down her arms and raising goose bumps on her skin.

Only now, she noticed his hands were glowing brighter than the rest of him; the dark energy concentrated in his fingers making her even _more_ sensitive to his touch— as if it wasn't already too intense without that extra effort on his part.

Her head fell back to lean on his shoulder as his lips found her throat, kissing and nipping. He enveloped her with his strong arms and crushed her against him. She felt his arousal straining his pants and ground against him, making him gasp.

His hands were on her, roaming her body, the pace torturously slow, until he reached her breasts. He cupped them gently, his thumbs rubbing her already hard nipples… God, he was going to kill her like that. She wanted to turn around and pounce him. But, the lights were on and she had those scars…

Suddenly, he stood and went over to face her. Her hands immediately shot up and he thought she was going to cover her breasts. Instead, she was covering her scars, one hand on her shoulder and the other under her breast.

He looked into her eyes as he took her hands in his and gently pulled them away from her beautiful body. "You are perfect," he told her, still holding her gaze.

She flushed and broke eye contact, a shy smile creeping onto her face. But, he knew she believed him because, when he guided her into his bedroom, he nodded towards the light switch, leaving the choice for her to make, and she chose to leave the lights on.

His mouth went dry as she shimmied out of her tight jeans and, then, she proceeded to unbutton and unzip his pants when he had just stood there, unable to move and take his eyes off her. She really was perfect.

Taking her in his arms, he kissed her deeply, their tongues finally meeting, fighting hungrily and making sparks of blue fly and gravity shift around them. She wound her arms around his neck as he backed her towards his bed. He settled between her already parted legs as she lay on her back, lowering his body to cover hers, their mouths still connected.

Her hands ran down his back, fingers tentatively slipping under the waistband of his boxers to find the curve of his ass. His body was beautiful, strong, with toned muscles all over. He could probably get any girl he wanted and here he was, with her. She could hardly believe it.

She was going to protest as he slid down, his fine ass now out of her reach, but then she felt his stubble lightly grazing the sensitive skin of her breast and a pleasured moan was all that came out of her mouth. His rich lips closed around her nipple, sucking and teasing it with his tongue as he palmed her other breast.

"Kaidan…" she breathed.

Every little sound she made was so damn sexy, she was driving him crazy. His fingers ran lightly over the scar under her breast and she tensed. The bullet had been in there for too long. The mark was broader than the one on her shoulder, the skin more jagged.

He pressed tiny kisses to it. "Perfect," he reassured her, and continued his way down her belly, kissing and licking her soft skin.

Hooking his fingers on the sides of her panties, he was ready to take them off her, but she stopped him. "Wait." She propped herself up on her elbows to look at him, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. "Kaidan, I… I've never done this before."

"Hey, it's okay. We can stop if you want." It would kill him to stop right now, but if she wasn't sure she was ready, he wasn't going to insist. He remembered how it had been the first time he and Rahna had had sex. Neither of them had had any experience at all and they had been really nervous. It had been messy and awkward and probably not that good for her. But, in time, they had learned and gotten better at it.

"No, that's not it. I want to do this. I want it to be with you."

Hearing this made him smile; he was a lucky man.

"I'm just worried that I might not know what to do. That I won't be good and…" She trailed off as he lowered his head again to kiss her stomach and navel.

"Shhhh," he whispered against her skin. "Don't worry about me, Jane. Let me do something for you first. Trust me, okay?"

She nodded and, as he began sliding down her underwear, she closed her legs and raised her hips to help him get rid of it.

Putting his hands on her knees, he pushed her legs apart and felt her shiver as his fingers ran down the inside of her thighs. His lips followed, kissing one side and then the other, burning a path to her center. And, then, he stopped right there, his breath blowing warm against her folds. She wanted so badly for him to touch her; the anticipation was making her pulse quicken. When he finally did, it was with his tongue, and a throaty whimper escaped her.

Her biotics spiked under his ministrations, igniting his like a lit match to gasoline and causing pillows and their discarded clothes to shift. Objects were knocked off his nightstand and crashed onto the floor. Datapad? Alarm clock? He couldn't care less. It felt amazing not having to worry about controlling the discharge of dark energy and he just let it run rampant.

She threaded one hand in his hair, the other grasping the sheets as he slipped a finger inside her. He groaned to find her so hot and wet. His mouth was still on her, sucking, licking, tasting her. His name fell from her lips in between lustful moans as she came, her body writhing and trembling in his hands.

Kaidan pulled away for a few seconds just to take off his boxers and crawled back in bed, hovering over her. Her eyes traveled down his body, a hand hesitantly following. "Show me how to… you know, do the same for you?" she asked.

Her fingers brushed his erection and he gasped. They would have to leave that for another time. Right now he needed to be inside her. "I will. Next time, okay?"

He cut off her reply with a searing kiss that she returned with the same eagerness. Her fingers closed around him, glowing brighter than the rest of her. She was concentrating dark energy in her hands like he had done when he was caressing her. She learned fast, and it felt way too good; he wouldn't last very long.

Kaidan grasped her hand and pinned it above her head as he lowered his body onto hers, his erection pressing against her stomach. "Next time," he uttered, and she smiled mischievously.

With his free hand, he reached for the drawer on his nightstand.

"I'm on birth control," she said, noticing he was getting protection.

"You are?"

She took his hand in hers and guided his forefinger to feel the tiny bump of the contraceptive implant under the skin on the inside of her left arm. "In one of those mandatory medical appointments I had to attend, the doctor gave it to me."

Kaidan frowned and rolled off to her side. That seemed odd. "Jane, this... did you ask for it?"

Well, not exactly. The doctors didn't think it was safe for biotic women to have children and gave her the implant, saying it was a precaution. She didn't protest, because she had never given that matter any thought, so she honestly had no opinion on it. Plus, at some point during those endless medical appointments, she had stopped caring about what was being done to her and had just kept it to herself as they'd pushed her around and run their tests.

Being a biotic, too, Kaidan surely was familiar with doctors that looked at them as if they were lab rats and not actual patients. No doubt he had endured his share of prodding and poking at hospitals. So, Lisa understood why he would be worried if the contraceptive implant had been her choice or an imposition.

"Not now," she replied. There was no way she was going to start talking about that. It would ruin the mood. Those doctors had been too much of a pain in her ass already; she wasn't going to let them ruin this, too. This night was going to be perfect. She deserved it. She would have this memory — happy, wonderful, unblemished — to take with her when she shipped off to Arcturus.

To make sure he would drop it, she drew him in for another kiss. He gave in, and she took advantage of his distraction to push him flat on his back on the bed and straddle him.

The message was clear—she didn't want to talk about it. He filed it away for later, but couldn't help wondering just how much he didn't know about her. What else had she gone through that she hadn't told him? Why was it always so hard to get her to share anything.

She reached a hand between them to grasp his length, making his breath hitch. Tentatively, she stroked him; her gaze on his face, watching his reaction to see if she was doing it right.

It had been some time since he had slept with anyone and she sure was testing the limits of his self-control. But, he couldn't resist covering her hand with his and showing her how to do it the way he liked it, the pressure, the pace… Damn! She really was a fast learner and he was about to burst.

In one swift movement, he flipped them over so he was back on top. She spread her legs invitingly and he positioned himself at her entrance.

"Jane, I want this to be good for you. I don't want to hurt you, but the first time—"

"I know. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm ready. I want this, Kaidan."

Holding her gaze, he began to slide inside her. Just the tip at first and then slow, shallow thrusts while her body learned to accept him. When she grasped his back and urged him on, he didn't resist her and pressed in more firmly until he was fully sheathed inside her.

With a sharp intake of breath, she arched into him, her short nails biting into his skin. He held as still as possible, giving her some time for the pain to wane and for her body to adjust, while he kissed her throat and murmured sweet nothings in her ear.

When he started moving, the pleasure was so intense he almost couldn't bear it. She was so tight, warm, and wet; it was heaven. In no time, she was rolling her hips to meet his thrusts, her legs and arms wrapped around him. He stroked in and out of her, faster each time, harder.

She drew her legs up, closer to her to her body and he sunk even deeper into her. It was perfection and they moaned in unison. Her orgasm hit her like a shockwave and his immediately followed as she cried his name, her velvety walls clenching around him. Their biotics were burning like a wild fire, making their skin tingle, enhancing the sensations, making it last longer.

Panting, he lowered his forehead to hers, breathing in her scent. This was it. Her. She was all he'd ever wanted. He had never felt so… happy, sated, whole, in love.

"I love you," they both said breathlessly, at the same time, and laughed as they realized it. They were one. And cheesy as hell.

They pressed their lips together and, for once, there was no urgency in their kiss. It was slow, serene, tongues tangling lazily as they enjoyed that rare moment of pure bliss.

He rolled over to her side and pulled her to him. She rested her head comfortably on his chest and sighed. Ever since the attack on Mindoir, she had never felt this much at peace. Now, no matter what else life threw at her, she would have this one perfect memory to hold on to. This was what was going to keep her sane the next time the galaxy was out to get her. Him. Coming back to him. She had a home again.

He brushed the sweaty strands of hair that were clinging to her face and neck. "Would you like to take a shower?"

"Yeah. Shower would be great."

"With me?"

She raised her head to look at him, a wicked smile on her face. "Even better."


	16. Marines

_OMG, so many new followers! It's great to know there are so many people enjoying this fic! If you can spare the time, leave me a review, too. They make my day!_

_Thank you to my wonderful and super fast beta, Suilven._

_Notes:_

_- Remember the vid-calls from the first chapter? I'll be using that format again to move story forward whenever Kaidan and Lisa are in different locations._

_- Here's how the Marine Corps of the Alliance Military works in the 22th century (it's a mix of USA, United Kingdom, and my country's actual military. I took from each of them what I think is going to work best for this story): _

_After the recruits pass the PFT (Physical Fitness Test), there are twelve weeks of Recruit Training (also called Basic or boot camp). They're trained by DIs (Drill Instructor). After they graduate, there are six weeks of SOI (School of Infantry) for non-biotics, or eight weeks of AIT (Advanced Individual Training) for biotics. In the end, the marine's class or MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) is defined. The training that comes afterwards and how long it lasts depends on the MOS. _

_Every recruit or soldier who hasn't made it to Officer is assigned a bunk in the barracks. Officers get a private room or even a small apartment (depending on their rank) in the base where they are serving, if available. If not, they get a bunk. Housing allowance to live outside the base is only for officers who are married, have dependents, or are higher rank._

* * *

**Chapter 16 – Marines **

Kaidan was slowly coming out of his slumber, his skin still tingling from being close to Jane and her biotics for so long. He stretched out his arms and yawned lazily. Grinning, he looked over to his side, only to frown when he found out he was alone in his bed. He sat up abruptly and called her name when he noticed it wasn't even warm anymore where she had been lying.

There was no answer. The objects that had fallen off his nightstand had been picked up and her clothes were nowhere to be seen; there was no sign that she was still there.

Slipping on the first pair of pants he could find, Kaidan went looking around his apartment for her, confirming that she really was gone. He put on his tool and realized it was past ten in the morning. He was starving; she'd probably been, too. Maybe that was why she'd left.

He decided to call her to make sure everything was okay and invite her to have lunch with him. After a few tries, he gave up; she wasn't answering. Kaidan replayed the events of the past night in his head, trying to figure out if he had done or said something wrong, but couldn't think of anything. She'd seemed so happy and she'd said she loved him. It had been better than he could have ever imagined.

He waited all day, but she didn't call him back. At night, he could still catch the lingering scent of eezo in his bedroom and his pillow still smelled like her. He was used to sleeping alone, but his bed had never felt this big and empty before.

The next morning he woke up with her name on his lips. Even setting the shower on the lowest temperature wasn't helping when all he could think of was how he had taken her in his arms and made love to her in there. The way her breasts had felt pressed against his chest, her shapely legs wrapped around him, her needy moans as she urged him on, asking for more…

After a very long shower, Kaidan got ready for work. As he ate breakfast, he decided to call his mom to see how his father was doing and casually ask if Jane was around.

"She's probably out of reach of any comm buoys. You should be able to talk to her tomorrow," Barbra said.

"What? Why? Where is she?"

"She shipped off to Arcturus yesterday morning. You didn't know?"

Kaidan swallowed hard, his lips pressed into a thin line. "I've gotta go, Ma."

* * *

01/03/2172

Jane appeared on his holo-screen with a small smile on her face. "Kaidan, how've you been?"

"'_How've you been?_' Is that all you have to say?" He had planned to play it cool until she had a chance to explain why she had left without telling him she was leaving Earth, but her casual tone set him off.

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

God, was she doing this on purpose just to piss him off? "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving, Jane?"

"But I did. I'd said I was starting Basic on the 6th, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but you didn't say you were leaving the next morning."

"It takes almost three days to get here from Earth in a shuttle. And my PFT for the Marine Corps is tomorrow morning. I had to get settled in and get some rest before that. You didn't expect me to arrive here the day training would start, did you?"

He hadn't thought of that. He didn't even know she was trying for the Marines, but that explained why she had been working out so much. If he asked, she would tell him anything, but only if he asked—it was really frustrating. "Why didn't you wake me then? At least to say goodbye…"

She looked down, chewing on her lower lip. "I don't know. You looked so peaceful; I didn't want to disturb you."

Kaidan rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Next time, wake me, okay?"

She breathed out loudly, relieved. "You seemed so angry, for a moment there I thought there might not be a next time. I'm sorry, all right? I'm just not used to having a… you know, to this… I, hmm, didn't want to bother you."

He felt a little guilty that she still didn't know what they were and if they were in a relationship. They should've talked about it; he should've told her. "Jane, it wouldn't have bothered me at all if my girlfriend had woken me up before she'd left my house."

She blushed and giggled, and he thought that was the most adorable sound ever. "Your girlfriend, huh?"

"That's right. I was planning on making her breakfast, you know?"

She looked confused and then her eyes turned sad. "You were?"

It was true, but Kaidan almost felt bad for having told her. That she would look this upset just for having missed breakfast showed how she had no expectations at all that people would ever treat her nicely—not even him, when he had just slept with her and told her that he loved her. "Yeah. I'll make it next time. I promise, okay?"

She nodded, and Kaidan was relieved to see a corner of her mouth curl up in a half smile.

"So, when do I get to see you again?" he asked her.

"If I pass PFT for the Marines, in about thirteen weeks—after Basic and graduation. Lieutenant Mitra told me I'll probably get a few days off before starting AIT."

"Lieutenant? Dell's an officer now?"

"Yep, 2nd Lieutenant."

Kaidan rubbed the ragged skin around his headjack. Hendel Mitra was almost two years younger than him and was already making a career in the Alliance. There really wasn't anything better for a biotic to do, no place where they would be given the same opportunities and treated equally.

"Are you still thinking about enlisting?" Jane asked. She must have noticed he had drifted off when she had mentioned Dell's promotion.

"Yeah. I just need to sort some things out first." Things like quitting his job at the shop, checking with his mother to see if she was going to be okay on her own with his dad, and, if he was really serious about making a career as a soldier, he should go ahead and sell his car and vacate his apartment. He didn't have too many personal belongings he would want to keep, but there were a few things—they would fill no more than a couple of boxes, probably—and he would have to check with his parents if he could leave them at their home.

"Okay, let me know, all right?"

"I will. Good luck tomorrow on your test. Is your shoulder okay?"

"Yeah. I think I might have pushed too hard on my last workout session; I was worried about the PFT, you know? But you made it better." She gave him a cheeky grin. "I've gotta go. Talk to you tomorrow?"

He returned her smile. "Yeah, I'd like that."

* * *

01/04/2172

"I passed! I'm going to be a marine, Kaidan!"

It was good to see her this happy. He wished he could hug her. "That's great news, Jane. Congratulations! Pa will be proud."

"He is. I called him right after I got my result. He was the one who told me I should try for the Marine Corps, you know?"

Yeah, Kaidan knew very well. After all, that was what his father had wanted for him all along. At least Jane hadn't disappointed the old man.

"You should try for the marines, too, when you enlist. Just make sure you're ready for the PFT, 'cause it's tough. Even giving all I had, I couldn't get a perfect score. But, I swear to you, if it weren't for my bad shoulder, I would've nailed those twenty pull-ups in thirty seconds."

"How many did you get?"

"Sixteen and a half."

"I don't think that half one counts."

"It doesn't," she grumbled and kneaded her bad shoulder. "I could use another massage, you know?"

Damn, he really wished he were there.

* * *

01/13/2172

If not for the scar on her face, Kaidan wouldn't have recognized Jane at first glance when she appeared on his screen.

"Your mouth is hanging open, Kaidan. You don't like it?"

"N-No, it's not that. I'm just… surprised. That's all."

"DI said she would have my head shaved if I didn't stop lowering it to hide behind my hair."

"And then she did?"

Jane chuckled to see Kaidan's slightly shocked expression. "No, I did. I thought it might be a good idea for me to break that habit once and for all. There's no point in ever lowering my head now that people will see the scar anyway." She shrugged and smoothed a hand over the short, prickly stubble on her head.

"Couldn't you've just tied it into a bun?"

"Nah. This way, even when I'm off-duty, there's no hiding."

"You're keeping it like that, then?"

"Maybe I'll let it grow a little, but not much. I want to keep it short, at least until graduation. You don't think I'm ugly, do you?"

Some guy in a PT uniform chose that moment to appear over Jane's shoulder. "Is that your boyfriend, Shepard?"

"Get out of here, Eriksen. I've still got five more minutes to use this terminal." She pushed him out of sight.

"What do you think of her new haircut, man?" the guy asked him, coming back to face the camera and, then, turning to Jane. "He probably thinks you look like some crazed cultist, but I think you look hot." Eriksen winked and had a hand on Jane's shoulder. Kaidan instantly hated him.

"Out, Eriksen! Now!" Jane snapped and let just her eyes glow blue to show him she meant business.

The recruit raised his hands, showing his palms in surrender. "Okay, okay. Relax. I'm going. Jesus…"

"Sorry about that, Kaidan. Eriksen is an asshole," she said, completely collected only a second later, when the guy was finally out of sight.

"Yeah." Just one of the dozens of horny eighteen-year-old assholes who were in Basic with his girlfriend. Possibly ogling her. No, definitely ogling her.

She put her fingers on the screen of her terminal as if she could touch him. "Hey, don't be upset. I love you and I really miss you."

Kaidan uncrossed his arms, trying to pretend he wasn't annoyed. It wasn't her fault that he was in a bad mood because he had just realized there were a bunch of guys out there spending time with his girlfriend, maybe even hitting on her. "I miss you, too."

When they ended the call, he grabbed a beer from the fridge and threw himself on the couch. Things were changing fast and he had a lot to absorb. The shaved head, he didn't mind; he just needed some time to get used to it. She was still beautiful. Even the recruit who had teased her was calling her by her last name, which made it a little bit less annoying. And, it was good to see that she was holding her head high now, that she was getting to know new people, maybe even making friends and that she seemed happy with the direction her life had taken.

She had found her path and he needed to do the same.

* * *

03/22/2172

The first thing Kaidan did after enlisting was to call Jane to tell her the news. He would be taking the PFT for the Marines on April 10th and Basic would start on the 13th.

Her eyes gleamed with hope. "Please, say it's here."

"It is," he beamed.

"When are you coming?"

"Uh, since you're getting a few days of leave after your graduation, I was thinking that maybe you could come here and stay with me? Then, you could help me clear out the apartment and we could go back to Arcturus together. What do you think?"

Her lips curled up in a beautiful smile. "Perfect."

* * *

03/29/2172

Lisa Mae Shepard had never stood as proudly as she was now as she marched with her platoon across the parade deck for the beginning of their graduation ceremony. She was proud of her Drill Instructors who, in only twelve weeks, had made fierce, strong fighters out of five hundred formerly undisciplined teenagers. She was proud of every single one of these five hundred kids, now men and women, who had endured the toughest Basic Training program of the Alliance military. Most importantly, she was proud of herself for finally finding a place for her in life—a life that she had many times pondered if it was really worth living while she had lain in bed, recovering from the wounds she had sustained on Mindoir.

This was only her _first_ time in a dress uniform; she'd known it the moment she had put it on. The first of many to come. Her sense of belonging with the Alliance and her platoon was so strong, it didn't even hurt that much that she had no one there to see her, no family to hug and congratulate her after the ceremony ended. Since the day she had arrived back at Arcturus Station, there had been no anxiety, no fear, and no doubt tugging at her nerves. It hadn't been distressing like going to Earth for the first time with Commander Alenko, or to the orphanage, or to school—places where she had learned the hard way that all she could expect from most people was that they would be afraid of her, they wouldn't understand her, and they most likely wouldn't even give her a chance. Civilian life had taught her to keep her head down; among soldiers she had been _required_ to hold her head high (and, damn, it felt a hell of a lot better this way).

Even when she'd been drenched in sweat and with every muscle in her body aching after an especially long and grueling training session in the combat simulation room, she'd still felt great and like she was where she was supposed to be. She really was one of _the Few, the Proud; an Alliance Marine_.

Once the ceremony was over, Lisa didn't bother searching the audience for familiar faces. She knew the Alenkos would've been there if the commander had been in better health. He was practically recovered from his many injuries, but long off-world trips in cramped shuttles still weren't recommended. And Kaidan had wanted to come, but he was wrapping up his business on Earth so he could move to Arcturus the next week, so the timing wasn't very good. He'd been upset about missing her graduation, but she'd reassured him that she didn't mind. In a couple of days she would be in Vancouver anyway, and they would be together then.

She was making a hasty exit, heading out to her bunk, when her path was blocked by a tall black man with broad shoulders and muscular arms. Her gaze traveled from his chest, where his uniform seemed to be just a little too tight, to his face and her eyes widened, jaw falling before a grin took over.

"Jarell? I mean," she searched his uniform for signs of his rank, "Corporal…?" Fuck, he had never told her his last name and he probably didn't know hers either.

"Turner," he supplied, and interrupted her salute, wrapping his arms around her. He squeezed her gently and then more firmly, even taking her feet off the ground for an instant, when she hugged him back.

"But it's just Jarell for you, Private…?"

"Shepard."

"Shepard," he tested it, "I think I like it better than 'Scar'."

She smiled at him. "It's been a long time. How's life been treating you?"

"How about I tell you over drinks? And we can celebrate your graduation, too."

"Sure."

"Do you have… people here? Anyone you want to ask to come along?"

Lisa scanned the crowd, spotting a few of the guys of her platoon. They were all surrounded by their families, taking pictures, hugging, chatting. "No. Let's go."

"Any preferences?"

There were only three bars at the station and they were usually loud and crowded. Tonight they would probably be even worse, since it was graduation night and there were soldiers celebrating and families visiting.

"Not really. And I don't think there's anywhere where we'll be able to talk much tonight. Or even find a table, for that matter."

Jarell stopped and pondered for a second. "Actually, I know a place."

"Where?"

"You'll see."

They bought a bottle of cheap rum at a convenience store and Jarell led her to a part of the station where she had never been before—the officers' apartments. They took the elevator to the top floor and came out in a narrow and long hallway lit only by the red glow of the dozens of locked doors facing each other.

"Are we allowed to be here?" she asked him.

"Sort of. Officers can have visitors and some have their spouses living here, so we could get away with it if anyone finds us. But, this floor just got done and no one lives here yet, so we should be alone. Come on."

Lisa followed Jarell and smiled at herself, remembering how he had his _secret place_ at the orphanage, too, on the rooftop, and had shared it with her two years ago. That hour they got to spend there every afternoon had made living at the orphanage much more bearable.

At the end of the hallway, there were stairs that led to a big open construction site, full of equipment and piles of different materials. Only, there was nothing actually built yet.

"They won't start this floor until next year. There have been a lot of officers leaving service, and it's not to retire. Some of them have gone completely off the grid. The head of the marine detail I was part of on my first tour was one of them. So, the Alliance postponed the expansion of the apartments," Jarell explained.

They sat on the ground, side by side, with their legs hanging over the edge of the flooring, and opened the bottle. Lisa took a swig, grimacing as the liquid burned her throat, before passing it over to Jarell. "Do you know what is going on?"

"Not for sure, but I've heard rumors. Some say there's a black ops division within the Alliance and they're recruiting these officers."

"Black ops?"

"Everyone has problems they rather solve through unofficial channels, especially the military. There are no true paragons, Scar. Shepard. Jane. Which one do you prefer?"

"Shepard is fine."

"I like your hair, _Shepard_." His tone was lighter now and he smiled at her.

Lisa had let her hair grow a little and it was now in a short messy pixie style. "Thanks."

"No hiding now."

"Exactly."

"Good. "

She drank from the bottle again, hoping it would sting less the second time. It didn't, and she mused that Commander Alenko's whiskey was much better than this.

"Have you heard from Raj?" she asked.

"Private Rajit Singh, if you want to find him. He's going to college through the Alliance. Wants to become an engineer."

"Good for him."

"Yeah."

"I, uh… saw Mano and Ty some time ago."

"By the look on your face I'd say they are with that gang Mano's brother was part of?"

She nodded.

Jarell sighed, downing some more rum. "Damn."

They were quiet for a while, just passing the bottle between them, until Lisa broke the silence. "How did you find me?"

He looked down, shaking his head. "I don't wanna tell you."

"Why not?"

"It's embarrassing."

"C'mon, now I really wanna know! You have to tell me."

Jarell took a long gulp and cleared his throat. "Damn it, Shepard. You know how many times I cursed myself for never asking your last name or at least your birthday? I went to see eight graduations either here or at the HQ in Vancouver in the last year hoping to find you."

Lisa swallowed, not knowing how to respond. What did that mean?

"I'm damn glad I found you, you know? These graduation ceremonies are so fucking boring," he continued.

She chuckled and took the bottle. The rum was going down smoother now.

"So, how's everything else? Did the family that took you in treat you right?" he asked her, getting the bottle back. Between the two of them, they were draining it pretty fast.

"Yeah, I was lucky. They're very nice people. I'm… dating their son."

Jarell choked on his drink and Lisa snatched the bottle from him as he coughed it out. "Your foster brother? That's fucked up, Scar. Shepard," he said, after catching his breath again. "Damn!"

"Hey!" Her tone was of mock indignation and she hit him on the arm playfully. "It's not like that. Kaidan didn't even live with his parents when I moved in there. For about a year, we barely saw each other."

"Fine. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Shepard," he teased her.

"He does," she retorted.

"Ugh! Don't overshare, Private."

She burst into laughter. "I can't believe you're pulling rank."

"Whatever it takes." He tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't. Her laugh was contagious.

They were both lying on the floor when they managed to stop, sighing as they caught their breaths.

Lisa turned on her side to look at him. "Are you seeing anyone?" she asked.

Turning to face her, too, he reached out to touch her scarred cheek, but stopped short and pulled back. "Nah. I was hoping I'd find you, and... you know. But I guess I'd better move on now." He sounded amused, as if he were joking, but in his deep dark brown eyes there was a glimpse of something else. Disappointment, perhaps?

Lisa couldn't tell if he really meant what he said.

* * *

"Hey, sweetheart. I thought you were going to call me after the ceremony."

"Oh, fuck! Lost track of time, Kaidan. Sorry."

Kaidan didn't miss the silly smile on her face as she apologized, the slightly slurred speech, and the undone buttons on her dress uniform. She looked drunk, not sorry. "Celebrating with your friends?"

"Nah, it's just me and Jarell. I told you about him, right? He's my friend from orphanage." Jane stretched her arm so her omni-tool could catch Jarell on the frame for Kaidan to see. "Look, it's my boyfriend." She nudged the Corporal so he would look at her holoscreen.

"Hey, man." Jarell nodded disinterestedly towards the screen and gulped from a bottle of rum. By how much he had to tilt it up, Kaidan could tell it was almost empty.

Jane brought her tool back in front of her and took the rum from her friend, taking a swig of her own. Kaidan thought that sharing a bottle like that was a bit too intimate and it didn't help that the person his girlfriend was sharing it with was a young, good-looking man.

"Talk to you later?"

Great. Now she was dismissing him and they had barely talked about anything. But it seemed it would be of no use trying to talk to her right now anyway. _Remember she's eighteen_, he told himself, taking a deep breath. "Sure."

He turned off his terminal, and went back to bed to sulk.


	17. Intimacy (Part 1)

_A/N: Okay, I might have gone a little overboard with the smut in this chapter… I blame all the Kaidanites on Tumblr and the wonderful #Kaidan Porn Week they just held. Consider this my (very late) contribution._

_Thank you for your lovely reviews and all the follows and favorites. Also, thanks to my awesome beta, Suilven._

* * *

**Chapter 17 – Intimacy (Part 1)**

04/01/2172

Kaidan couldn't wait to be with Jane again after all this time apart. Luckily, she had managed to get a ride on an Alliance frigate and would get to Earth one day earlier than if she had taken a shuttle. To his relief, it seemed she was as eager as he was for them meet again.

Ever since her graduation night, he had been… worried. Her excitement about her new life in the military was understandable—she was finally around people who respected her, who didn't mind her scars and valued her biotics. It was a new experience for her to have this much support. In almost two years in Vancouver she had made only one friend. She had been bullied, expelled from school, prosecuted, and spent most of the time inside the house. Now, she was finally having the chance to be herself, which was great, and she deserved it. What worried Kaidan was being left behind. He wanted to be part of it, of her new life.

The frigate she was coming in would dock in New York. From there, Jane would take a commercial flight to Vancouver. If he hadn't already sold his car, Kaidan would've gone to pick her up at the airport. Instead, he was home, staring at the door for an embarrassingly long amount of time, waiting for the doorbell to ring.

When she finally arrived and he opened the door for her, his breath got caught in his throat. She looked beautiful. Her chin was up and her back was ramrod straight, making her look taller than he remembered. She was wearing military fatigues and a hoodie and carrying her duffel bag, which he took from her and set on the floor so he could hug her properly.

She cupped his face and pulled him down into a kiss, her lips invitingly parted. Her mouth was hot on his, demanding. The kiss escalated quickly. It was passionate, almost desperate as they tried to make up for three months of longing.

He picked her up in his arms as she wrapped her legs around him and he carried her to his bedroom.

"I'm hungry," she pouted as he set her down.

"Later." He started pulling her hoodie and t-shirt off as she toed off her boots. "Just let me have you now and then I'll cook whatever you want."

"Hmm, I want steak," she said with her crooked smile while helping him out of his shirt.

"Done." He pulled her pants down along with her underwear and she stepped out of them.

Backing away from her, he took a moment to admire her naked body; his predatory gaze causing a shy smile with a hint of mischief to appear on her face. "Perfect," he said huskily.

Kaidan pushed her down on her back on the bed and was delighted to see how she readily spread her legs for him as he took off his jeans and boxers. She was so eager and always so damn responsive to his touch. Nothing had changed; she was still his and he was hers, and he buried himself inside her so they could get lost in each other.

* * *

04/02/2172

Lisa came out of the shower in the morning to the smell of bacon. Kaidan was making breakfast. She giggled; her boyfriend was making her breakfast. She was starving and just slipped into her panties and a tank top and went to meet him in the small kitchen. He was also making eggs and pancakes and she wanted to help him, but he insisted that she just sit down and wait. He had already cooked for her last night and she wouldn't have minded helping, but it seemed like he wanted to make good on his promise of making her breakfast, so she let him.

There was something off, she noticed, as he worked. He wasn't handling the pans and ingredients as expertly as he had the night before. She didn't miss the long blinks and slightly slower movements, the deep breaths…

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," he answered simply, without making eye contact.

Lisa went over to stand by his side. The scrambled eggs seemed more than ready, but he kept stirring them and the heat was still on. She turned it off and took the frying pan and spatula from him, putting them away.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then he just grimaced and shut his eyes, pressing his fingers to his temples.

"Hey," she said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder, "tell me what's going on. Please."

"It's a… headache. I just need to stay in the dark for a while and it'll be fine." He twitched out of her grasp and went back into his room, leaving her alone in his kitchen.

She looked around, uncertain about what she should do next. Her stomach growled and she decided to have breakfast by herself. After she was done, she made Kaidan a plate and knocked on his door. There was no proper answer, only a wordless groan. Since the door was unlocked, she went in.

The blinds were closed, the lights were off and, in addition, he had his arm slumped over his eyes. As she set the plate on his nightstand, she saw the used syringe. Turning her back to him, she powered on her omni-tool so she could read the label. It was no medication she was familiar with, so she searched it on the extranet and found out it was an injectable prescription-only painkiller—something way too strong for someone to take for a simple headache.

"Kaidan," she whispered, "I brought you breakfast."

"Yeah, I can smell it and it's not helping," he said hoarsely.

"You should eat. Biotics–"

"I know."

"Okay…" Lisa looked around and shifted uncomfortably on her feet, not knowing what to do with herself. If she had pants on, she would have tucked her hands in her pockets. "Should I leave?"

"No. It's just…"

"If you tell me what it is, maybe I can help?"

"It's a headache."

"I had very bad headaches right after I got the L3 implants, but they were never this bad. Why don't you tell me what's really going on?" She sat on the bed gingerly so as not to jostle him, but he still winced. "It's me, isn't it? My biotics?"

She tried to get up, but he put a hand on her thigh and squeezed weakly. "No. Please, stay."

He dragged himself up on the bed to lean against the headboard so he could eat. Since he didn't seem very willing to talk, she kept it to herself until he was done. She took away his plate and returned to sit by his side.

He scooted down to lie on the bed, snaking his arms around her hips as he rested his head in her lap. Hesitantly, she lowered a hand to his hair. When he didn't complain, she gently ran her nails along his scalp. He made an appreciative sound in the back of his throat, so she continued repeating the movement. It didn't take long until he was asleep.

Lisa figured it was going to be a few hours until he awakened, considering the strength of the painkiller he'd just taken. She could try to extricate herself from him, but that would certainly disturb his sleep; and it wasn't like she had anything to do anyway, so she decided to stay there with him. Eventually, she fell asleep, too, since the past night they had spent more time trying to make up for the last three months apart than actually getting any sleep.

* * *

Kaidan rubbed at his eyes, still a little groggy from sleep and the medication he'd taken. Thankfully, it had worked and the throbbing pain in his head was now just a dull ache. He rolled on his back and smiled as he realized he'd been lying on Jane's smooth thighs. When he looked up, he saw she was sleeping in a rather uncomfortable position—sitting up with her back against the headboard and her head hanging down over her shoulder.

He hoped she hadn't been like that for long or she would wake up with a stiff neck. It had been probably not to disturb him that she hadn't made herself more comfortable. If he'd been thinking straight, he wouldn't have let her fall asleep like that. Or have abandoned her in the kitchen, for that matter. But, whenever a migraine hit, he was always rendered useless.

Once she was up, he would have to tell her what had happened to him. After today, there was no avoiding this subject. He should've told her already, but it wasn't exactly an easy conversation to have. She had probably figured out he was an L2, since the L3 implants had come out only two years ago. But, she most likely didn't know what being an L2 meant. The crippling migraines were just the tip of the iceberg. He knew what would come next, what the future held for him. Some biotics who had those same implants had gone insane pretty fast. For now, he only had migraines, but there was no assurance that wouldn't change. Every time he had one of these episodes, he wondered if it was going to be the one that would fry his brain for good. It was a constant fear that the pain might be too much to bear and no amount of painkillers would end it and he would lose it.

Carefully, so he wouldn't wake her, Kaidan put an arm around Jane's neck and the other around her waist so he could ease her down on to the bed in a more comfortable position. But, despite his efforts, her eyes opened slowly and she sighed.

"Hey," he whispered when her eyes found him.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked.

"Better. Hungry?"

"Yeah."

"I'll order something for lunch. How about Thai?"

It was the middle of the afternoon already, but biotics knew better than to skip a meal.

"Sure."

He left the bedroom without giving her the chance to say anything else. It was obvious he was stalling; she was probably onto him, but had let him go because having a boyfriend was new to her and she was still unsure about how much she could pry into his life. He felt a little guilty. She shouldn't even have to ask him about his migraines; he should've told her already. But, he hadn't, and now he was in a very difficult situation—she would surely want to know what had triggered it this time and it would be hard to explain without making her feel responsible for it.

The thing was that, in the three months she'd been at Arcturus, he hadn't used his biotics once. Then, he'd spent the night with her, and that meant a constant activation of his implants; spikes of energy and plenty of involuntary flares. In the heat of the moment, it felt great not having to worry about controlling his biotics, but the aftermath could be grueling. This episode only served as confirmation of something he had already been suspecting—the longer he spent without using his biotics, the worse he felt after finally using them again. It was not her fault.

They sat at the table to eat the food he had ordered from the Thai place nearby. An awkward silence was stretching between them while Kaidan tried to decide how to tell her about his implants, their terrible side effects, and his grim prospects.

Jane hissed as she rolled her neck and he decided it was time to, at least, break the silence.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you fall asleep like that. How bad is it?"

"It's fine." She poked around her plate, aloof. For a biotic who was past her lunchtime, she was oddly uninterested in her food. "Aren't you going to tell me what happened to you this morning?"

"It's–"

"Don't say it was just a headache." She cut him off, pointing her chopsticks at his chest. Okay, so maybe she wasn't insecure about prying into his life, she was just giving him the chance to explain himself. When it'd started to take him too long, her patience had run out.

"I wasn't going to." Kaidan took a deep breath. "You know I'm an L2, right?"

"I figured you were, since you got your implants a few years before me."

He nodded and then he told her. He told her how he and the other kids at Brain Camp had been wired with the L2 implants even after the first subjects had started showing severe adverse reactions; how there were people his age who had already suffered permanent neurological damage from the implants; how there was no guarantee he wouldn't be the next L2 to go insane.

"Kaidan, I'm so sorry. Isn't there a way for you to upgrade to the L3 implants?"

"It's not that simple. I'd have to get mine removed first, but the risks of the operation are much greater than the chances of success, so all good doctors frown upon it. You're more likely to have brain damage from the surgery than from the implants."

"How often do you have these migraines?"

"Not that often; usually when I overuse my biotics."

"But when did you over– Oh!" She covered her mouth with her palm and swallowed hard as realization hit her. "Oh, fuck. Kaidan, I'm so sorry. You should've told me. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Look, this only happened because my implants hadn't been activated in a long time and then suddenly I was using them again."

It seemed she wasn't even listening to him. She looked terrified. "All this pain you were in earlier, it was all my fault."

"No! Jane, please, if anything, you made it better."

She snorted and shook her head. "Don't lie to me."

"Jane, listen–"

"No, you listen. I want to be with you, Kaidan. I fucking love you, dammit! So we better find a way for me not to cause you these damn fucking migraines, because I don't plan on going anywhere."

Kaidan tried to muffle a chuckle with his hand. She always cursed so much when she was upset; it was oddly endearing.

"This is not funny, dammit!" She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes and took a deep, calming breath. "Kaidan, I'm… I'm happy and I honestly believed I'd never feel this way again after the attack. But now… now I have you and your parents and the Alliance. I'm not alone anymore. There are actually people out there who know me and who would notice if I was gone."

'_Notice' is a huge understatement_, he thought.

"I don't want to lose this, Kaidan. I can't."

There was emotion in her voice, a certain urgency that he noticed despite her efforts to hide it, and his heart broke for her. He quickly strode over to her side of the table and pulled her to her feet and into his arms. "God, Jane. You won't," he said, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"But, I don't want to hurt you either; I don't want to cause you pain."

"Sweetheart, you don't. You couldn't. It was not your fault. You have to believe me."

"I will, if you promise to tell me if this ever changes; if I cause you to have a migraine, or do something that doesn't help. You have to tell me."

"I will, I promise."

* * *

04/03/2172

It was a beautiful, sunny day and Lisa suddenly realized she hadn't been outside once since she'd arrived at Kaidan's apartment. She hadn't even put on pants, truth be told. Not that she wanted to. These lazy few days off with him were just what she needed before starting another training marathon.

Her eyes went from the window to the floor where he was doing push-ups, practicing for his PFT. He was only in his boxers—he hadn't been dressed much either these past couple of days—and she took a moment to appreciate his gorgeous body and the way his well-developed muscles were contracting and straining with his movements.

"How many?"

Damn, she was supposed to be counting. "Thirty… five?" She hazarded a guess.

He stopped and sat on the floor. "No way. I counted at least fifty."

"Sorry. I got distracted."

"Yeah? With what?" The smug smile on his face was telling her that he already knew the answer to his question, but she decided to indulge him with a reply anyway.

"You." She licked her lips, meeting his eyes with a heated gaze. "Your ass."

With a swift movement, he grabbed her bare legs and pulled her down from the couch to his lap. Giggling, she straddled him as he kissed and nipped at her neck. His mouth trailed down to her chest and he sucked a nipple over her flimsy grey tank top.

"No bra today, huh?"

"Nope."

Kaidan made an appreciative sound at the sight of the sheer fabric, wet and slightly transparent over her pebbled nipple; a result of his ministrations. "I like it." He moved on to the other breast, suckling just as eagerly as he had the other one.

Cupping her backside with both hands, he dragged her even closer to him, increasing the friction as she started grinding against his arousal. She peeled off her tank top and was getting up to remove her underwear, but he held her in place. "Don't."

He slid his boxers down only enough to free his erection and pushed her panties aside. His strong hands grabbed her hips as she slowly lowered herself onto him; her name falling from his lips in a hoarse whisper when he was finally fully sheathed inside her. However, she got tense and stiff in his arms. Her eyes were squeezed shut and brows furrowed in concentration.

"Sweetheart, let go. It's okay. I'll be fine."

She shook her head. "I shouldn't… we shouldn't…"

Dark energy flowed from his body, enveloping both of them. She gasped and shivered in response, her pulse quickening, but she was still holding back her biotics.

"Let go, Jane. Please."

"I don't want to give you a migraine."

"You won't. Trust me on this. It only happened because I hadn't been using my biotics." He flared brighter and started moving his hips. She couldn't resist much longer; he could feel the energy surfacing despite her efforts to control it. Not long ago, he wouldn't have even considered doing something like this. She had teased him into flaring a couple of times and he had been really angry at her. Now, he was the one telling her not to worry about it and let go. He had come a long way. No, she had dragged him a long way while he had fought her most of the time.

"Oh, fuck," she growled as her control slipped, a powerful biotic pulse escaping her.

Kaidan gasped, goosebumps rising on his skin. His corona burned brighter, fueled by her biotics. They ignored the sounds of objects falling, the sensations too intense for them to focus on anything else.

"You better be telling the truth," she said, her breathing growing ragged as she started riding him.

"Damn, Jane. Trust me." He punctuated each word with a sharp thrust of hips.

She had one hand on the back of his head and the other grasping his shoulder; her grip in his hair turning almost painful as she took charge and set a punishing pace. Her legs were not only long and beautiful, they were strong; all solid muscles underneath soft skin. He couldn't take his eyes off the place where their bodies were joined, watching as she lifted herself on her knees until he almost slipped out of her and then slammed back down.

The pressure was building quickly for both of them. Kaidan wrapped an arm around her and ran a hand along her thigh, urging her to curl her legs around his waist as he pushed himself up from the floor and got on his feet. Her breath hitched as her back hit the wall and he started pounding into her again. His lips found the curve of her neck and he grazed with his teeth the spot where it met her shoulder. Her pleasured moans encouraged him to suck and bite harder, and he did, even though he knew it was going to leave a mark. Hell, he didn't care. She was his and all those horny teenage boys of her platoon better not forget it.

He loved how easy it was to fuck her against the wall like that. She was a head shorter than him and her body was light and supple. Holding her up was barely any effort for him.

Her legs trembled and tightened around his waist and she arched into him, crying out his name, as her climax hit. With her nails scoring his back and her velvety walls squeezing his length, he was thrown over the edge. His eyes snapped shut and his head fell back as he emptied himself inside her with a low groan.

They were both panting heavily, bodies slick with sweat, when Kaidan gently set her down. After straightening their underwear, they slid to the floor. He pulled her to sit between his legs and she lowered her head to the crook of his neck as their breathing and their biotics grew quieter. For a while, they just stayed there in a companionable silence, enjoying a moment of blissful peace.

"Never do that again," he spoke softly, breaking the silence.

"What?" she murmured, and he thought she might have been asleep.

"Hold back your biotics. If you can't be yourself when you're with me, then–"

"I didn't want to give you a migraine."

"Then don't ever stay this long away from me again, okay?" He tightened his arms around her and planted a kiss on her hair.

"Okay," she mumbled sleepily.

* * *

"So, you and Jarell are… just friends?" he asked, trying to sound casual, while they were watching a movie on the couch and waiting for the pizzas they had ordered for dinner to arrive.

"Yeah. I mean, we kissed–"

"What?"

" –once. We kissed _once_, back when we were at the orphanage."

"You should have told me that."

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm your boyfriend. When you go out with your ex, you should at least tell me."

"He's not my _ex_. It was just one kiss."

"Does he have feelings for you?"

"It was one kiss, ages ago. Why, after all this time, would he have feelings for me?"

"I don't know, Jane. You're smart. Charming as hell. Beautiful. More than you think. I mean, look at you. How can a guy not like you?"

"I appreciate the thought, Kaidan, but you're delusional."

"You know, the fact that you don't see it and you're not stuck up about it makes you even more attractive. You're kinda like Rahna, I guess." _And I can't believe I said that out loud_. He regretted that last sentence the moment the words were out of his big mouth.

"You're comparing me to your ex-girlfriend?" she asked, a look of disbelief on her face.

He rubbed the back of his neck, intantly flustered. "I'm sorry. It sounded better in my head," he replied lamely.

Lisa huffed and rolled her eyes. "You know I saw her pictures, right? Tall, lanky, and your mom loves her, with her natural blonde hair and fucking blue eyes."

"Green." Damn, couldn't he keep his mouth shut?

"You have got to be kidding me, Kaidan. Fuck!" She scratched her scarred cheek a bit too hard and he grasped her hand to stop her and get her attention.

"Jane, sweetheart, it doesn't matter. It's not those traits that make someone beautiful."

"Don't give me that crap, Kaidan. Are you still hung up on this _Rianna_ woman?"

Thankfully, he stopped himself from correcting her this time. It wouldn't be of any help. "How can you even ask me that? I told you I love you, Jane. That's not a word I'd use lightly."

She buried her face in her palms and exhaled loudly. "It's just… when I saw her with you in that picture… and then your date on New Year's Eve… Fuck, Kaidan. I already had a crush on you and I don't hold a candle to those women. So, I thought I'd never have a chance with you. I wanted to just move on, try and get over you, but Emily wouldn't let me."

"Smart girl."

"Well, that whole blonde hair fiasco was her idea. But she was right in the end, so–"

"Wait. That time you bleached your hair, it was just to get my attention?"

"Fuck," she muttered under her breath, blushing to the tip of her ears. It hadn't been her intention to let that slip.

"I can't believe you thought you had to change your appearance for me to like you. Did you really think I was that shallow?"

"How was I supposed to know? You rarely talked to me, and I'd seen you with those super hot and all dolled up girls, so of course I'd th–"

He suddenly jumped on her, pushing her down on her back on the couch and covering her with his body. "You're hotter than all of them combined," he whispered, cupping her chin, his face only a few inches from hers and his eyes locked on hers to show her he meant it.

"See? You _are_ shallow," she teased, a smug smile playing on her lips.

Kaidan moaned as she opened her legs and he found a more comfortable position between her thighs. "I'm not," he remembered to protest.

"Oh, yes, you are."

Grabbing her wrists, he pinned her arms above her head. "Shut up," he said, before claiming her mouth with his.


	18. Intimacy (Part 2)

_A/N: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. Here, have another NSFW chapter (extra long and with some plot, too). Hope you enjoy. ;)_

_Also thanks to my dear friend, super fast beta and talented author, Suilven._

* * *

**Chapter 18 – Intimacy (Part 2)**

04/04/2172

The Alenkos wanted to show Kaidan and Jane the land they had bought in the country, so they stopped by their son's apartment to pick them up. It was still early in the morning. The farm was about a hundred and fifty kilometers from Vancouver and Barbra was going to drive them there. Rylan had insisted they stay overnight, so Kaidan and Jane were bringing her duffel bag with a change of clothes and a few other things they might need.

Kaidan didn't know anything about farming, but it seemed it wouldn't take too much work to turn the place into the nice orchard his father wanted. The whole area was about one hectare. There was a small artificial lake, a kennel, a warehouse, and a wooden cabin that looked charming and cozy but had seen better days and could use a few repairs. Being retired now, Rylan surely would have a lot of free time to take care of it.

The tour around the property ended by a weird structure made of wood and with a large screen door. Kaidan couldn't tell what it was, but Jane explained it was a chicken coop. He thought he really didn't know the first thing about farming; he had never even seen a live chicken in his life.

"We're keeping it," Barbra said about the chicken coop. "It will be nice to have some animals here. Maybe we'll get a few geese, too."

"And a dog," Rylan added, "to keep predators away from all these birds your Ma wants to get."

Kaidan had asked for a puppy a million times when he was a child, but his parents had never let him have a pet. They probably thought he would end up killing it with his biotics. "It must be nice for a kid to have a place like this, at least to visit, while growing up," he said, his tone betraying some resentment.

"It is," Jane replied quietly, sad eyes avoiding him and staring at the horizon.

In a heartbeat, Barbra was by the girl's side, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Come, dear. Let me show you the house," she said cheerfully.

Damn, his mother was fast. Kaidan had barely had time to register what Jane had said and Barbra was already on it, providing a distraction.

"Maybe we shouldn't have come," he told his father once the women had disappeared inside the cabin.

"Nonsense. She's going to be fine. Your Ma's got her."

Kaidan nodded in agreement, but didn't feel reassured. After retrieving Jane's duffel bag from the car, he went to find her in the cabin. His parents must have some spent some time there earlier in the week, because the place was very clean and organized.

"I'm afraid there are only two bedrooms," his mother was saying when he found them. "You don't mind sleeping on the couch in the living room, do you, Kaidan?"

"What? Why?"

"I don't know if it's appropriate for you and Jane to share a bedroom."

The girl blushed and made a hasty exit, leaving mother and son to come to an agreement on their own.

"Ma, you do know she's staying at my place, right?"

"Yes, but –"

Kaidan let out an impatient huff. "Ma, I'm not sleeping on the couch."

"Let the kids enjoy themselves, Barbra," Rylan said as he joined them in the small living room.

"Are you forgetting that, if her parents were alive, they might not approve of this? Did you know her mother was Catholic?"

No, Kaidan had no idea her mother was Catholic. He didn't even know if Jane was religious and what her beliefs were. Why was she so bad at sharing and talking about herself? She wouldn't give him anything if he didn't ask. His mom sure must have spent a lot of time talking to her, since it was just the two of them in the house most of the time. Nevertheless, Kaidan felt like he should know more than his mother did about his girlfriend.

"She's very young, son. She's still a child," Barbra added.

"She's not a child, Ma, she's a –"

" – marine," Rylan said at the same time Kaidan said, "– woman."

"Yeah, that, too," they both uttered in unison again and Barbra rolled her eyes at them.

"Go, son. I'll talk to your Ma. She's old-fashioned, but I've always been good at being a... bad influence," he winked at her.

Barbra blushed and chided, "Rylan!"

"Not listening!" Kaidan kept repeating as he rushed out of the room.

* * *

"So, are we allowed to sleep together?" Jane asked Kaidan when he found her in the second bedroom.

"Yeah."

"Good. I... I didn't want to spend the night alone."

"Jane, we don't have to stay here, you know? We can leave, go back to Vancouver right now if you want."

Staring out of the window, she wrapped her arms around herself. "No. I want to stay. I'll be fine."

Kaidan embraced her from behind, enveloping her with his larger frame. "Are you sure?"

She sighed and he felt her relax in his arms. He was glad she was taking the comfort he was offering.

"No, but I can't spend the rest of my life running from everything that reminds me of home, can I?"

He buried his nose in her hair and pulled her tighter against his chest, wishing there was more he could do more for her. "I guess not."

* * *

They all sat down together to eat the lasagna Barbra had brought and heated for lunch.

Kaidan exchanged a worried glance with his mother and shifted uncomfortably in his seat when his dad started asking Jane about her parents' farm on Mindoir.

"Did you have an orchard there?"

Jane swallowed hard, her gaze dropping down to her plate. This question had upset her more than the previous ones, Kaidan noticed.

"Yeah," she replied.

"Who wants more lasagna?" Barbra cut in on their conversation,forcing out a wide smile.

"What did you grow there?" Rylan continued, ignoring his wife.

Jane cleared her throat, a hand shooting up to scratch the scar on her cheek. "Vegetables, fruits…" she answered vaguely.

"Which ones?" the man insisted.

"Pa." Kaidan used a warning tone.

Jane rolled her bad shoulder, eyes still trained down. "Pumpkins, chayotes, oranges, mangoes, pomegranates. There were others, too. I don't remember them all."

By her reluctance in making eye-contact, Kaidan was betting she did remember, but had told that small lie just to end the conversation. He was about to ask his father to drop it when the old man spoke first.

"Why don't you choose some seeds for me? What would you like to grow here?"

It didn't seem like Jane was expecting such an offer and she finally looked up. "Uh… pomegranates would be nice, I guess. Dad liked those."

"What about you? Which ones did you like best?" Rylan asked her.

"The mangoes."

"Well, I'm sure we can find some variety of mango that will grow here, right, Barbra?" Rylan looked at his wife and she nodded in agreement.

"There are lab-developed seeds that grow almost anywhere," the woman said.

"They take up a lot of space." Jane's nails scored her scar again and Kaidan gently took her hand and held it down in her lap, under the table.

"I'm sure we have room for at least one," Rylan replied.

"We'll get you a mango tree, dear," Barbra added.

A ghost of a smile passed over Jane's lips. "Thank you."

She squeezed Kaidan's hand under the table before letting go. He knew it was her way of telling him she was fine.

"The mangoes were the tallest trees we had at the farm," she said. "I used to spend a lot of time on top of them after… the flares started."

Kaidan heard what she wasn't saying. He knew her family hadn't been very supportive when her biotics had started to manifest and that she had lost her friends, too. The reason she would have spent so much time on top of the highest trees she could find had to be either to avoid scaring people with her flares or to protect herself from their fear and anger. Or, maybe both. That was one hell of a depressing memory of a very lonely childhood, he thought. But she didn't look sad, just nostalgic.

"They were a little tough to climb and I'd always get a few scrapes," she looked at her arms as if the marks were still there, "but, it was worth it. When it was mango season, I didn't have to come down when I got hungry, so I liked it even better."

Rylan took the opportunity to share a memory of his childhood, too, from his grandmother's farm in Singapore where he had spent a lot of time as a kid. Then, to Kaidan's shock, Jane shared another one — about when her father had been teaching her how to drive their tractor and she had accidently driven it into the wheat field. It looked like everyone was better than her boyfriend to get her talking.

After lunch, Kaidan sat with his mom on the cedar swing on the porch while Jane and Rylan, still caught up in the boring conversation about crops and livestock they had started while doing the dishes, took another walk around the farm.

"Someone has to look out for her, son. She has no one else," Barbra said, her eyes on Jane.

"I know, Ma, and I do. You don't have to worry."

"Don't break her heart."

"I won't. I… I love her."

Barbra didn't seem surprised at his admission. "Have you told her?"

"Yeah."

She smiled and gave him a slight nod of approval. They were quiet for a while, until she spoke again. "I assume you two are... having sex?"

"Ma..." Kaidan looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. It was answer enough for Barbra.

"I should've talked to her about this. I don't know if her parents ever did."

He let out a relieved breath when his father waved to get their attention and called them to come help him and Jane clean up the warehouse.

"Just... take care, son. Don't get her pregnant," his mother said as he jumped on his feet and hastily walked away.

* * *

Kaidan woke up in the middle of the night with his implants buzzing. Jane was curled up into a ball by his side, the fetal position making her look small and fragile. There was a dull blue glow surrounding her and he noticed she was shaking. He pulled the blanket up to her shoulders and ran a hand tenderly through her short hair, trying to get her biotics to settle down. She was probably dreaming.

"No, no, no, please," she murmured in her sleep, and he noticed the tight line of her jaw and that her brows were furrowed in an expression that seemed pained and fearful.

There was a strangled sob and tears rolled down her face. "No, please."

"Jane, sweetheart," Kaidan wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb, "wake up."

Her biotic corona shone brighter and she continued with the pleading and crying.

Sitting up, he grasped her shoulder. "Jane, wake up," his tone was harder now as he grew more worried.

He could feel dark energy building up fast inside her. It was going to be bad once she released it. The lamp on the nightstand and the framed artwork on the wall would be caught in it for sure and his parents would awake to the noise of things falling and being broken. Kaidan threw up a perfectly stable and solid barrier and held Jane against his chest, hoping it would work to turn her discharge into a barrier instead of a wild flare — the same way he had done when he had first taught her how to throw up a barrier.

"Jane, please, sweetheart. You have to wake up."

A tremor wracked her body as her corona darkened. Kaidan whispered apologies in her ear as he covered her mouth with his hand in time to muffle the scream that came when her eyes snapped open. She kicked and squirmed, attacking him with a biotic throw that died on his barrier.

"Jane, stop. It's me. You're safe. I've got you, okay?"

She blinked a few times, eyes nervously scanning the room. Her gaze finally settled on his face and her expression softened. Slowly, her fists unclenched, the tension leaving her body as she sighed in relief.

He cupped her cheek, fingers gently caressing her skin, damp with tears and sweat. "You're safe," he reassured her and kissed her forehead.

"Kaidan," she breathed out, the blue fire around her receding and fading.

Suddenly, her lips crashed against his and she pushed him flat on his back as she climbed on top of him. She straddled his hips and then her mouth was back on his, hot and demanding, her tongue seeking entrance. Her nails grazed his chest a bit too roughly on their way down to his groin. He was only in his underwear and she was wearing her usual tank and panties.

"Jane, what are you doing?" He managed to break the kiss long enough to speak and grabbed her wrists to stop her, but she twisted out of his grasp.

She took off her tank and, then, her hands and mouth were back on him, fingers slipping underneath his boxers. "I want you. Now. No talking."

More firmly this time, he held her wrists to still her. "No, Jane. Stop it. Not like this."

"Fuck, Kaidan! Let me go," she spat angrily and fought him to free herself, but he kept his hold on her.

"No, Jane! What's wrong with you?" Maybe he should have worded it differently. He knew she hated that question. Every time he had asked her that, she had snapped.

This time, however, she just halted her struggle against him and her shoulders slumped, so he let go of her. The marks his fingers had left on her wrists made him wince. He had never wanted to hurt her.

Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears and she looked away from him. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to talk about it; I just wanted to forget."

"About your nightmare?"

She nodded.

"You could've just told me that."

"You would've wanted to talk about it anyway."

"Jane, you said you wanted to stay here, that you didn't want to keep running from the things that remind you of home."

She let out a wistful sigh and sounded tired as she spoke, "See? You want to talk about it."

"Of course I do. You scared the hell out of me. You wouldn't wake up, your biotics were out of control, you were crying in your sleep and, then, you woke up screaming. You can't expect me to act as if everything were normal. I want to help."

"There's nothing you can do to help this. I often have these nightmares, ever since the attack."

"Why haven't you told me about this?"

"I don't know. You never asked?"

That had to be the lamest answer ever. "God, Jane! You're so frustrating, you know that?" Kaidan dragged his hands over his face. He couldn't keep having this argument. Why was it so hard for her share to anything? What else wasn't she telling him?

"Fine." She took a deep, steadying breath. "When I was walking out there with the Commander this afternoon, I was thinking about home and my family the whole time. I was remembering the farm and all the things we had there and I was fine because, although these memories make me sad, they're still good memories. Now, the nightmares… they're different. They're not memories from home. They're just pain and fear and hurt. So, I don't want talk about them, okay? Please."

Kaidan understood her point now. He didn't approve of the way she had handled it, but he understood.

"I'm sorry for… you know. I just wanted to feel better and forget about the damn nightmare."

"I'm sorry, too." He reached for the hand that was closest to him and caressed her wrist, hoping it wouldn't bruise.

Her eyes flickered from his face to her wrist and then back at him. "Don't worry about it." It never ceased to amaze him how she always seemed to know what he was thinking. "You were right to stop me. I shouldn't have…"

"Hey, it's okay. Come here." Kaidan pulled her to him, and they lay down together. He spooned her, her petite body fitting perfectly against his. She rested her head on his arm as the other curled protectively around her waist, and he slid a leg between hers.

Every day there was something new. They were still learning about each other and adapting to being together. It was hard to break through to her sometimes and Kaidan was thankful for this chance to spend a few days with her. They really needed this to get to know each other better. It was a shame that, once they shipped out to Arcturus, they wouldn't be able to be together like this anymore. Not even share a bed. He would miss sleeping with her and he didn't like the idea that when she next had one of these nightmares, he wouldn't be there to comfort her.

* * *

Lisa woke up in Kaidan's arms, in the same position they had fallen asleep in the middle of the night. The only difference was the pressure of his arousal against her backside. By his deep and relaxed breathing, she could tell he was still sleeping. Smiling to herself, she wiggled her ass against him.

His arm tightened around her waist and he let out a soft sigh. She teased him again, this time grinding more insistently against him. His thigh that was between her legs pressed harder against her sex, eliciting a pleasured moan from her.

"Kaidan…"

"Mm…"

"You're awake, aren't you?"

"I am now. Minx." He lowered his head to kiss her neck just the way she liked it, his teeth teasing her soft skin.

His hand that was around her waist traveled up to her chest. Gently, he squeezed her breast and teased a nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

"Sleep well?" he whispered in her ear, giving her other breast the same treatment.

"Mm-hmm."

After her nightmare and their talk last night, they had cuddled and she had felt safe and loved. The low hum of his biotics and the steady beat of his heart had been incredibly soothing. Lucky her the Alenkos had let him sleep there with her or she would have awaken everyone in the middle of the night with her scream.

His hand trailed down her stomach, lightly brushing her skin in a touch so delicate it was almost ticklish. His fingertips traced along the waistline of her panties and then down, but still over the fabric. Arousal was pooling low in her belly and she pressed her ass more firmly against his hips, feeling him grow even harder.

As he slipped his hand underneath her panties, he smiled against her neck at her sharp intake of breath. His fingers traced her folds in torturously slow movements. He circled her clit and she let out a needy whimper.

"Kaidan, please…"

His hand dipped lower, a finger sliding inside her with ease.

"So wet…" His breath caressed her ear, his deep voice sending shivers down her spine.

A second finger followed and he started thrusting them in and out of her. His palm kept rubbing against her clit and she was rocking her hips to match his movements. The rhythm, the pressure, the friction, it was all just perfect. It didn't take long for him to bring her to the edge.

"Come for me, sweetheart."

The moment the words were out of his mouth, her release was upon her. Dark energy rippled through her body, setting his own biotics off, too. She fisted the sheets, her inner walls clenching around his fingers as she writhed with his touch.

With his arm that was under her, he lifted her head just enough for his mouth to easily reach hers, swallowing her cries of pleasure with a passionate kiss.

He held her until she came down from her high and her biotics faded. Only then, did he allow his fingers to slide out of her. She remained on her side with her back to him, but once he had extricated himself from her to remove his underwear, she turned her head around to watch at him. With a hand planted firmly between her shoulder blades, he stopped her from lying on her back and pushed her onto her stomach.

Kaidan hovered over her for a moment, pleased to see how her breath was quickening with anticipation, her body quivering under his gaze. He lowered himself to kiss and lick a path down her spine until he reached the waistband of her panties. The fabric was soaked over her sex and he hooked his fingers on both sides, drawing them down and off her.

Her legs parted for him and he smiled; they both enjoyed this too much. It was incredibly arousing seeing her always this eager.

Goose bumps raised on her skin as he trailed kisses on the back of her thighs, his hands following his mouth, kneading her muscles. She always liked to squeeze his ass when they were making out, but hell if he didn't find hers way nicer than his. He cupped one cheek as he bit down on the other. She jumped, startled, and then giggled when he soothed the sting of his bite with light kisses.

He grabbed her thighs and spread her legs wider. His hands went to her hips and he pulled her up just enough to allow him to go deeper as he entered her with one thrust. Dark energy flowed unrestrained, his and hers melding together and washing the room in blue light.

"Oh, Jane…" She was so perfect like this, he could hardly bear it.

He started with slow strokes, pulling out completely before sliding back in. However, despite his efforts to take his time, pressure was building fast. Her wanton moans as she pushed back against him and the sexy sway of her hips were driving him insane. Keeping his hold on her with one hand, he braced himself on his other arm so his weight wouldn't fall on her as he bent over her and began to pound her harder.

He wouldn't last much longer, but he wanted to make her come again, so he raised himself up and pulled her with him to lean on his chest. His hands were free now to roam all over her body. He touched her where they were joined, relishing in the way her back arched as he pressed the little nub between her thighs. As he teased and rubbed it, her head fell back on his shoulder. Her moans were growing louder, her breath coming in ragged pants and he knew she was on the edge again.

He touched a finger from his free hand to her mouth to quiet her. "Shhh, sweetheart. We're not alone."

Her lips were parted and her tongue brushed his finger. Before he knew it, he slid it inside her mouth and she was sucking it hungrily. Hell, this girl was going to be the death of him. She kept sucking on his finger as she peaked for the second time that morning, and only low, throaty whimpers came out of her.

With her core impossibly hot and slick, twitching around him, clutching his cock, he couldn't resist any longer; he wanted to come. He pushed her down so she was on her hands and knees and it took him only few more strokes until he was releasing deep inside her.

They collapsed in bed together, sweaty and panting. Lisa snuggled into him and sighed, content. He had been right to stop her last night. Sex should be like this, out of love and desire, not out of despair and fear.

"Thank you," she whispered, her fingers lazily tracing patterns on his chest.

"Mm?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

Lisa and Kaidan were back in the city by lunchtime. They were shipping out to Arcturus tomorrow, so they spent all afternoon packing and cleaning Kaidan's apartment. He removed from his closet only the few things he was going to take with him to the station and Lisa was boxing up what he was leaving behind, so they could drop everything at his parents'.

Only now she was noticing the several boxes of model ships on the upper shelves of his closet. She took one of them and opened it to find a little ship, like new, inside. A turian cruiser from the First Contact War. Had he never opened these?

"What are you doing?"

Slightly startled, she turned around to face him. "Helping you pack?" She hadn't done anything wrong, had she?

"You opened that?" There was an edge to his tone; it seemed he was struggling to keep his calm.

"Yeah. Why?"

"They're valuable collectibles. You're not supposed to open them."

"Then how do you play with them?"

"I don't. They're not toys. Well, technically they are, but…" He sighed in frustration. "Look, just give it to me. Go watch TV, play a videogame. I'll finish packing."

She blinked at him and held on to the ship, dropping the box on the floor.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. "Look, I've been holding on to these model ships for years and…" He lost track of what he was saying and stared at her in horror as she handed him the turian cruiser and started opening the box of the model SSV Everest — the first dreadnought of the Alliance navy.

"You know, you're looking so appalled right now, it makes me want to lock you up in a stasis field and rip all these boxes apart in front of you," she said provokingly.

"I can feel you coming from a mile away, Jane," he retorted, scoffing. "There's no way you could ever get me with your messy biotics."

"Is that a dare?"

They both flared, him a split second after her.

When she tried to hit him with a lift, he sent a weak biotic pulse towards her, just enough to disrupt her barrier, and then, trapped her in stasis. She was no match for him. Yet. Damn her if she wasn't going to be the best in her class once AIT started next week.

She tried to free herself but, using just her mind, without being able to move her arms, she couldn't generate a mass effect field strong enough to negate his.

His gaze traveled up and down her body and settled on her eyes that were glaring daggers at him. "You know, it's really hard to stay mad at you when you're just in your underwear all the time." He licked his lips and she, too, almost forgot she was angry at him.

If she could have talked, she would have reminded him that the only time _he_ had worn any pants this week had been when they were with his parents. And, no, that wasn't a complaint.

He picked up the model of the SSV Everest from where it had fallen on the floor and turned it around in his hand to see if it was broken. Luckily, it was all in one piece. Looking down, he shook his head and let out a tired sigh.

"Here. You can have it if you want it," he told her, before releasing her from the stasis.

With a petulant look on her face, she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I don't. Thanks."

"Just take it."

"I want that one." She nodded towards the unopened box of the SSV Geneva — the Alliance cruiser that, under Admiral Drescher's command, had taken point in the battle to take Shanxi back from the turians during the First Contact War.

"God, Jane. You're the worst, you know that?"

"Can I have it or not?"

His eyes went from her to the box and then down. It seemed he wasn't going to agree with her and, blowing out an annoyed huff, she stalked out of this bedroom.

She grabbed a beer from the fridge and slumped on the couch, making a point of not turning on the TV. The furniture had come with the apartment, so they didn't have to worry about it. It was only in Kaidan's room that there was still some packing to be done, but since he had dismissed her help, he was on his own now.

There was nothing better for her to do, so she decided to check her messages. Jarell had written her, wanting to see her once she was back at Arcturus. Sure, why not? She made arrangements to meet up with him on Friday, while Kaidan would be involved with his PFT.

She had finished her beer and was about to go get another one when Kaidan came into the room and sat with her on the couch.

"Here." The model SSV Geneva was in his extended hand, out of its box.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Lisa had only seen the SSV Geneva in vids and documentaries about the First Contact War but, as far as she knew, this little replica seemed perfect. There were a lot of details and small parts. It was not a simple toy. It looked expensive, and she felt bad for having opened those first two boxes, making him open a _third_ one, _and_ for having dropped the SSV Everest.

"I can't take it. I'm sorry. I should've never opened them in the first place."

"Just keep it, you know, to remind you of this week."

She looked into his eyes. This had been the best week she had had in ages; she didn't need a souvenir to remember it. "Kaidan, I could never forget this."

"I want you to have it anyway."

She ran a finger appreciatively along the length of the ship and flashed him her crooked smile. "Okay, thank you."

He smiled back at her and she waved the ship around, 'flying' it towards him.

"Pew, pew, pew."

He chuckled. "That's definitely not the sound of an Alliance cruiser shooting."

"You're no fun," she replied, playfully hitting him on the forehead with the ship's nose.

Snatching the toy from her, he held her hand. "Oh, I am. Come here."

Kaidan led her back into his bedroom and her eyes widened in surprise.

"You opened them all?"

The model ships were all scattered on his bed, out of their boxes.

"Can't play with them otherwise, right?"

"Which one is that?" She pointed to the largest one.

"That's a quarian liveship. The Rayya."

She picked it up. "Oh, wow! It's really cool."

They sat on the bed among the ships and Kaidan started to tell her about each one of them. As Lisa watched him talk — and pestered him, crashing ships into him as he batted her hands away — she thought that she was going to miss this like mad once she was back at Arcturus. Intimacy had come so easy for them. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too long before they could do this again.


	19. Secrets

_A/N: Thank you all for reading. If you have time, leave me a review, too. Hearing from you makes my day. :)_

_CyanB, I promise we'll see Emily Wong again soon; there's just some stuff that needs to happen first. _

_Many thanks to my amazing beta, Suilven._

_Notes on boot camp and Biotic AIT for the Alliance Military: I'm considering all biotic abilities available in ME1 (plus Pull) to be the basic ones. Biotic soldiers in training will learn them all. This means Sentinels know and use Warp and Vanguards know and use Stasis and so on. Also, everyone learns how to shoot with all types of guns during boot camp. Kaidan might not be a good sniper and Shepard might not be the best with an assault rifle, but they know how to, and can use, all guns._

* * *

**Chapter 19 – Secrets**

04/10/2172

Lisa's tool chirped. It was a vid-call from Kaidan.

"Hey, sweetheart. I passed the PFT."

"I knew you would."

"And, guess what? Got a perfect score!"

"Really? Congratulations! Damn it, I'm jealous." She scowled playfully and he chuckled.

"Where are you? Thought we could celebrate."

"I'm at…" She looked at Jarell, who shook his head in a vehement no. They were at the empty construction site on top of the officer's apartments that was _his_ sort of secret place and Lisa wouldn't share it with anyone, not even Kaidan, unless her friend was okay with it. And, apparently, he wasn't. "I'll come find you. Tell me where you are."

Kaidan looked at her with one eyebrow raised. "Who else is there with you?"

She stretched her omni-tool arm so Jarell was on the frame. "Say hi, JT."

"You're not going to start calling me that, Shepard."

"You gave _me_ a nickname; I can't give you one?"

"If you come up with something more creative than JT, then, _maybe_, I'll be okay with it."

"Oh, like _Scar_ for the girl with the huge ass scar on her face," she teased him. "Yeah, very creative."

"Jane," Kaidan called out impatiently, trying to interrupt them.

"I never said it was a good nickname," Jarell said.

"Fine. Corporal Turner, then," she replied and he rolled his eyes.

"Jane!" Kaidan tried to get her attention again. "Where are you?" he asked, frowning, when she appeared back on the screen.

"Nowhere. I'm coming to find you."

* * *

04/14/2172

Lisa was exhausted and drenched in sweat. At least, in her new quarters with the other biotics that were in AIT with her, it was easier to find an available shower; they were just twenty-four sharing a dorm that was meant for forty people.

This had been only her second day of training, but they had been given amps today and, despite all the preparation they had done for this moment the day before, the instant Lieutenant Mitra had slid the amp into her headjack for the first time, it had felt like her implants were going to explode and her brain was boiling inside her skull.

She had tried to contain her reaction and control the flow of dark energy, but hadn't been able to until she had discharged against one of the practice targets.

The Antares I, manufactured by Aldrin Labs, was the weak amp that the Alliance had provided to all biotics in training. They would get a better one once they completed the AIT, but even a weak one was a huge difference from no amp at all. Despite how much her head was hurting, Lisa still found it much easier to channel energy to get the result she wanted with the amp and she was also able to pull off more attacks in less time without getting drained.

Hours later, although her implants didn't feel like they were going to melt her brain anymore, she still had a very bad headache. Adapting to the amp would take some time.

When she came out of the shower, Kaidan was waiting for her with a protein bar and an energy drink and that definitely improved her mood. It was amazing how he always knew how to make her feel better.

A few days ago, he had been upset with her because she had gone to see Jarell without telling him about it. She didn't know why he would take issue with that. The corporal was her friend. Nothing else. Maybe she should arrange for the three of them to meet, go out for drinks together. Perhaps, if Kaidan and Jarell got to know each other better, they could all be friends.

* * *

04/18/2172

Kaidan thought Jarell would meet him and Jane at the bar. Instead, the guy was at her dorm when he got there. Kaidan checked his tool and saw that he was right on time. That meant Jarell had arrived early, probably to spend some time with Jane without her boyfriend around.

As if he weren't annoyed enough already, Kaidan saw the guy running his fingers on the back of her neck, over her headjack.

"Does it always get this hot?" Jarell asked her.

"No. Only when I use the amp for too long."

"Ahem." Kaidan cleared his throat, making Jane and her friend turn to look at him.

"Kaidan!" Jane threw her arms around him and gave him a peck on the lips. "This is Jarell. I mean, Corporal Turner."

"Recruit," Jarell greeted Kaidan, at the same time reminding him he was supposed to get a salute.

_Great._ Kaidan saluted the guy while trying to remember why he had agreed to this in the first place. Oh, right. Jane had insisted, and she had so few friends, that Kaidan hadn't had the heart to refuse, even though he wasn't sure if friendship was all Jarell wanted from her.

"Nah, man. I'm just kidding," the guy said with a wide smile. "It's Saturday night and we're off-duty. No saluting tonight."

Kaidan was more at ease after that and, about an hour later, he had decided he had to give the corporal some credit. The guy had been talking to him the whole time and was really trying to be nice. Even if he was just doing it for Jane, it was fine, because Kaidan was just doing this for her, too. And, she needed to have people who truly cared about her around.

Two hours later, Kaidan was sure he and Jarell could be friends like Jane wanted. They had exchanged stories and even found a few things in common. Very few, truth be told, but enough to keep the conversation going. They both liked hockey and their favorite beer was the same. Jarell had even told him some funny story about the orphanage and Kaidan had shared an inconsequential one about his time on Jump Zero.

Three hours later and Kaidan wanted to punch the guy. Biotics held their liquor much better than most people. He was fine and so was Jane, but Jarell was getting drunk and way too comfortable with her. Kaidan looked away for a few seconds, just to call the waiter, and, when he looked back, Jarell was whispering something in her ear. Jane tried to fill him in whatever her friend had been saying, but Kaidan replied that it was okay and he didn't want to know.

"Maybe we should go," she suggested and Kaidan immediately agreed. She had probably noticed Jarell's behavior was starting to upset him.

Kaidan thought that it was just his luck that this guy would be a loving drunk. It made him wonder if, at Jane's graduation, Jarell had gotten this handsy with her, too.

When they were leaving the bar, the guy pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head, saying that he had missed her badly.

Jane chuckled and gently pulled away from him. "I better make sure he gets to his bunk," she told Kaidan. "See you tomorrow?"

"What? No. I mean, I'll come with you," he said, trying to keep his cool and not seem too jealous. Thankfully, she agreed without protest.

Jarell kept bumping into her as they walked and she kept pushing him away. Playfully, and not seriously, Kaidan noticed. He wasn't finding it funny, despite how much both soldiers were laughing. Even though Kaidan wasn't that much older than Jane, sometimes it felt like a lifetime.

"Wait. Do you know where his bunk is?" He halted midstep. So much for pretending he wasn't jealous...

"I know his block and floor. Why? I'm sure someone there can point us to his bed."

"I'm not that drunk. I can find my own bunk," Jarell protested and then burst into laughter when he realized his sentences had rhymed.

Jane leaned on her friend, she, too, doubling over in a fit of laughter. "You're a fucking poet, Jarell," she said breathlessly.

Kaidan rolled his eyes. A lifetime, indeed.

The barracks for the soldiers serving at the station were not like the officers' apartments. They were shared quarters with twenty bunks each. There was no privacy. Still, for some reason, Kaidan was relieved his girlfriend didn't know which bed was Jarell's.

After they finally dropped the corporal off, Kaidan walked her to her quarters and they stopped at the door to say goodbye. The hallway was empty and the lights were dimmed, so he took the opportunity to push her against the wall, his lips crashing against hers in a bruising kiss.

She responded in kind, winding her arms around his neck and parting her legs so he could slide a knee between her thighs. He wanted to fuck her so badly; she was his girlfriend. His. And, seeing that other guy touching her—twice on her shoulder, three times on her hands, and even on her knee once, whispering something in her ear, hugging… damn, it had annoyed the hell out of him.

He grabbed her ass and lifted her, pinning her between him and the wall and grinding his erection against her core. Despite how fast her legs had wrapped around his waist, she found it in herself to remind him they could not do that there.

Kaidan growled in frustration as he set her down. They both looked around, trying to think of a place where they could finish this without being caught. Jane took his hand, leading him to the showers, and he was grateful that, this late at night, the place was empty. They hastily got inside, locking the door behind them.

For a moment, Kaidan thought that maybe they should be talking instead of making out. It upset him that she couldn't see that Jarell was not looking to her for just friendship, and, yeah, Kaidan was jealous and these things shouldn't be left unresolved. But then she opened his jeans, sliding them down along with his underwear, and he forgot about everything else as she dropped to her knees in front of him.

* * *

06/05/2172

After weeks of hard work, 2nd Lieutenant Mitra and Staff Lieutenant Kyle were proud to announce that all the twenty-four soldiers they had been training had excelled in all basic biotic abilities—barrier, stasis, lift, pull, throw, warp and singularity—and were going to graduate.

Each of these kids had their strengths, of course. Some could channel more energy than others into an attack; some were faster to pull off a move; some, like Shepard, could easily chain two or three powerful attacks without getting a nosebleed or feeling lightheaded. And, finally, some of them were not only talented biotics; they had also come with a commendation from their DIs on the above average skills with firearms they had shown during boot camp.

Taking all these factors into consideration, Mitra and Kyle assigned their students to their classes in the Alliance, now that their AIT had come to an end. For the next few months, these kids would be taking class-specific training.

Lisa waited in her dress uniform with the other adepts-to-be to exchange a salute and hear a few words from their instructors. The future sentinels were lined up behind them. The vanguards stood up front. Graduating from AIT didn't have a pompous ceremony like graduating from Basic. There were no guests, the brass didn't attend, and there was no leave afterwards either. Class-training would start in two days.

After they were done, Lisa went for a beer with the guys she had grown closer to in these past weeks—Jones, Saito and Mikhailovich. Parker had used to hang out with them, but had refused the invitation this time, quickly disappearing with the other future vanguards. Lisa was surprised that Parker would just dump them like that, but Jones explained that most vanguards tended not to mix much with the other classes of biotics.

"They think they're better than everyone else. Always acting superior," Jones scoffed. She and Saito were going to be sentinels, while Mikhailovich was going to be an adept.

Lisa just shook her head. At least the others seemed like they were still going to be around. All in all, she was happy with the outcome of her AIT. Adept was the right option for her; she wasn't exactly a great shot, always going for three bullets in the chest instead of one in the head during the combat training sessions in the simulation room, and there had always been a lot of fumbling whenever she had had to assemble a sniper rifle.

Tonight, she and her friends decided they were going to get wasted. Although it wasn't exactly easy or fast for biotics to get drunk, they were determined to beat their own bodies and accelerated metabolisms. This was their idea of having some fun before training started again on Monday.

After being kicked out of the first bar they had gone to for repeatedly using their biotics to pull drinks that weren't meant for them from the waiters' trays, they stopped by a convenience store. They all chipped in to buy a few bottles of some cheap vodka and were trying to figure out where they could go to drink them when Mikhailovich said his father's apartment was empty this weekend.

The scanner on the door was set to recognize him, so they had no trouble getting in. Lisa had never been inside an officer's quarters before. This one was tiny, grey, and with old and worn furniture. The lack of personal effects didn't surprise her; soldiers moved around much and living lean made things easier.

"Why don't you live here with your dad?" Jones asked Mikhailovich.

"I don't know. He thinks living in the barracks with the others is an important part of being a marine. He says it builds character." He shrugged and added, "Or something like that."

As they settled around the table, Saito went straight into the kitchen, searching the cabinets for shot glasses. When he found them, he asked Mikhailovich for a deck of cards so they could play a drinking game.

Saito then started a very long explanation about the rules of the game he wanted to play, in which each card meant a different action they had to perform and not all of them involved drinking.

"How about we each take a card from the deck and whoever gets the lowest has to drink a shot?" Jones suggested instead, interrupting Saito.

Lisa liked Jones; she was always practical and straight to the point. They all agreed to her idea and played several rounds in a quick succession until they had emptied the first bottle.

Saito looked at it and spoke as if he had had the greatest idea ever. "Let's play spin the bottle!" He settled it on the floor and Jones and Mikhailovich immediately took their places around it.

Lisa thought Jones must be drunk already if she was thinking kissing either Saito or Mikhailovich was a good idea. "I don't think I should be playing this. I have a boyfriend and–"

"C'mon, Shepard. Don't be a stick in the mud."

"It's just kissing."

_Just_ kissing? That was still a pretty big deal for her. "Why don't we spin the bottle and then whoever gets it drinks a shot and there's no kissing involved?"

"Fine by me," Jones promptly agreed.

The men were glaring at her, but Lisa didn't care. She had told Kaidan she was going out for a beer with her friends because it was their last day of AIT and he had said it was okay and that he would see her tomorrow. If he knew 'going out for a beer' meant getting wasted on vodka in an empty apartment and kissing other guys, he probably wouldn't have been so fast to agree.

They were halfway through the second bottle when Lisa got up to use the bathroom. The room seemed to spin around her and she had to lean on the wall for an instant. She was definitely drunk now. When she came back, Jones and Saito were all over each other, making out on the floor. Their kisses were sounding so wet and loud; it was disgusting.

Fuck. Dropping to the floor, Lisa grabbed the vodka and took a swig straight from the bottle.

"So…" Mikhailovich, who was sitting across from her, wiggled his brows, staring at her face like a creep.

She kicked him. "Don't make this weird."

The guy moved over to sit by her side and elbowed her. "C'mon, Shepard. Who's gonna know? It's just us here."

"_I_ will know," she replied, her tone dead serious.

It was unusual for her to have men wanting to be with her like this, even if it was just for one night of fooling around with no strings attached. At school, either on Mindoir or in Vancouver, no boys had ever been interested in her. Among soldiers, however, no one would give two shits about scars or biotics, and sometimes she would catch a guy checking her out or even hitting on her. Not that it made any difference. She had a boyfriend whom she loved and Mikhailovich was just a friend. Damn, why did he have to make this awkward?

* * *

Since Jane was out with her friends, Kaidan thought this would be a good opportunity to catch up with Dell. They hadn't really had a chance to talk yet after Kaidan had moved to Arcturus. Wanting a change from the perfectly balanced, healthy, and usually tasteless military rations, they went to an area of the station where the lodgings for civilians were located. Families, reporters, politicians, and other civilians who either worked at, or were visiting Arcturus, stayed in that area, so there were a few fast-food restaurants, a sushi bar, and even a steakhouse there. Kaidan would have preferred the latter to the burger joint where he and Dell were seated at right now, but the steakhouse was very expensive and he'd rather save it to visit on a special occasion with Jane.

"Did Shepard tell you about her class?"

"Yeah, she texted me right after you dismissed them."

"You'd be a great adept, too, man. When is your graduation?"

"Next week. Uh… are you going to be my AIT instructor?" Kaidan thought that would be really weird, since Mitra was younger than him and they had attended BAaT together.

"Honestly, I don't think you have to go through AIT. It's biotic training for beginners; you definitely don't need it. You should take the Vocational Battery and go straight to class-training."

"How do I do that?"

"Lieutenant Kyle is the one in charge of the AIT program for biotics. I can't dismiss you from training; I answer to him. But, I'll talk to him and tell him you learned the basics at BAaT. He'll want to see a demonstration, but that should be no problem for you. Kat skipped AIT, too, when she joined. She's a vanguard now."

Kaidan knew that several kids that had gone to Brain Camp with him had joined the Alliance afterwards. However, of his closest friends, only Kat and Dell were currently serving. "Is she at the station?"

"No. She's serving at the HQ in Vancouver."

"And what about Mark? How are things between you two?"

Mitra blew out a sad sigh. "He's living in London. The distance is killing us. I even considered asking him to marry me, just so I could bring him to live here."

"Whoa, Dell. Are you serious? You're too young to get married."

"I know. You don't need to tell me twice; I gave up on that idea. Mark is in college and I shouldn't get in the way. I don't think we'll last much longer, though. Long distance relationships are tough. It was Christmas the last time we saw each other, and he gets really upset when there's a holiday or some special occasion and I can't come."

"I'm sorry, man." Kaidan could relate. After New Year's Eve, he and Jane had spent three months apart and he had almost gone insane. Relationships between a soldier and a civilian hardly worked. He knew very well how much effort his parents had put into theirs so they could last. His father had missed more birthdays and anniversaries than he had been there for.

"What about you and Shepard?"

"We're good." Kaidan tried not to speak too enthusiastically about his relationship when his friend had just confessed his was crumbling. He didn't want it look like he was boasting.

"Great, man. I'm glad. Uh… can I ask you something about her?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"I tried to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't tell me anything. It's just that... Jones told me Shepard woke up the whole dorm the other night, flaring and screaming because of a nightmare. Do you know anything about that?"

Kaidan tightened his grip on his glass, his free hand clenching into a fist over the table. "Damn. I hate not being there."

"So, you do know, then. How often does it happen?"

"I have no idea. It happened only once when we were together and she refused to talk about it. Fuck. I should've insisted."

"I know she doesn't like shrinks much, but I've been thinking about recommending her for psychological counseling. Kyle could talk to someone to make it mandatory for her to be able to continue her training."

"Why do you say she doesn't like shrinks?"

"Well, she was assigned a psychologist right after her rescue, but she never really talked to him. The guy would go in to see her every single day and still couldn't get her to tell him anything about the attack or her family."

"Why not? How was she when she got there?" Kaidan couldn't resist taking this chance to try and learn more about Jane. It was so frustrating how guarded she was about everything.

Mitra looked down and took a deep breath. "You… do you really want to know about this?"

"Yeah, I do." This was probably going to make him feel guilty about the way he had treated Jane when they'd first met, but… yeah, he really wanted to know. What she had gone through, a tragedy of that scale, had affected every single aspect of her life. If he knew more about it, perhaps he would get better at helping her get over it.

"I saw her for the first time the day after she was rescued. They called me because her biotics had manifested when she had woken up from surgery and I was the only biotic at the station at the moment. She was… bad. She wouldn't talk, she wouldn't even move, just staring at the same spot for hours." Mitra shook his head. "You know how eager the Alliance can get when it comes to recruiting biotics, right?"

Kaidan nodded in agreement.

"Well," Mitra continued, "they didn't give her enough time to recover from the first set of surgeries before putting her through another one to give her the L3 implants. I'm sure you remember the pain of waking up after getting your implants, right? The headaches, the constant buzzing in your ears, the pressure inside your head that makes you want to crush your skull against the wall…" He let out a bitter, mirthless laugh. "We might be familiar with this kind of pain now, because of our L2 implants, but imagine that along with everything else she was going through?"

Kaidan had no idea things had gone down like that for her. If only she had told him… But, back then, it probably wouldn't have made any difference—he had been too busy trying to avoid her and blaming her untamed biotics for his migraines.

"I should've gotten her an omni-tool before she went to Earth. Civilian life doesn't agree with biotics. I bet she would've liked to have kept in touch with me and a few other soldiers."

"Hey, you helped her a lot, Dell. She's not very good at showing affection, but I know she likes you and she's grateful for everything you and the Alliance have done for her. That's why she's here."

"Yeah, but I wish I could do more. She's still traumatized."

"Recovering from something like that is a slow process, but I think she's getting better."

"I don't know, man. She still won't tell anyone her name and there are these nightmares, too…"

"Wait. What do you mean 'she won't tell anyone her name'?"

"Why? Did she tell you? Do you know her name?"

Kaidan froze and swallowed hard, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer to his next question. "Isn't it _Jane_?"

Dell looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. "Do you seriously not know? She was unconscious when she arrived here and she had no identification. And, then, after she woke up, she wouldn't talk. So Jane is the name we gave her. You know, Jane Doe."

"WHAT?"


	20. Enough

_A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews, favorites and alerts. Many thanks to my dear friend and super speedy beta, Suilven._

* * *

**Chapter 20 –** **Enough**

Were it any other name, it wouldn't be this bad. But, _Jane Doe_… that was the worst name he could imagine. Kaidan immediately sent her a text saying that they needed to talk. There was no reply, so he called her. No answer. Fuck.

"Kaidan, calm down, man. She's out with her friends. They're celebrating. You can talk about this some other time."

"I have to go." Shaking his head, Kaidan left as if he hadn't even heard what Mitra had just said.

How could she do that to him? To herself? Let him call her by that awful name when they were making love, when he'd told her he loved her… He'd trusted her, had opened himself up to her, and she hadn't even told him her real name. What else had she hidden from him? What other lies had she told him?

"She's not here," he uttered, his irritation clear in his tone when Dell found him pacing by the door to her dorm.

His friend had brought him his burger in a paper bag and shoved it in his hands. As if he had an appetite to eat anything right now.

"You're overreacting, man. Why don't you eat and go get some rest?"

Kaidan took a deep breath, trying to find a polite way to tell Dell to fuck off. "I will as soon as I talk to her. You don't need to keep me company."

"With no one here to distract you, you're going to be overthinking this and nothing good will come out of it. Shepard's a good kid. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you."

"Dell, you don't understand. Jane, or whatever her name is, and I are… were more serious than you think. Or, at least I thought we were… Damn. I need to talk to her and settle this. Tonight. I'm not postponing this conversation, so don't bother defending her and asking me to let this go because I won't."

Mitra nodded, but didn't leave until Kaidan had eaten his burger and seemed to have cooled off a little. "Just… don't do anything stupid, man, and call me if you need to talk," he told Kaidan before going back to his quarters.

A couple of hours later, Kaidan was growing impatient again and went into her dorm. The wait was turning out to be much longer than he had expected, and it would be less uncomfortable if he waited sitting on her bed instead of on the floor. There were several other soldiers in their bunks already. The model SSV Geneva he had given her was dangling over her bed, tied with string to a slat from the bed on top of hers. He ripped it off and sat on her bunk, staring at the little ship as he remembered that perfect week they had spent together at his apartment in Vancouver.

_Perfect_. He let out a self-deprecating laugh. What did he know? He'd thought he was with the woman he loved; instead he was fucking Jane Doe. She had never trusted him; not even with her name. Everyone knew more about her than him; his mother, Mitra… damn, his father must have known Jane wasn't her real name. If only he had been on speaking terms with the old man at the time he had rescued her, if he had asked… No, this was not his fault. It was hers. Kaidan had told her about Jump Zero, Rahna, Vyrnnus, about his faulty implants, and his migraines. He had confided in her like he'd never had in anyone before her and what had he gotten in return? He didn't even know her fucking name.

He threw the ship hard against the wall, smashing it into pieces.

"Hey, trying to sleep here," someone complained from one of the other bunks.

Kaidan said nothing, just lay down on her bed. It didn't smell like her; she had probably changed the sheets today. Good.

Another hour later, when he fell asleep, his anger had subsided and only sadness and disappointment were left. Of all the things they had talked about, was there any truth to any of it?

* * *

06/06/2172

Lisa woke up feeling like shit. Her tongue was like sandpaper in her mouth, she had a pounding headache, and even the dull light of Jones' omni-tool was hurting her eyes. Was this what a hangover felt like? Kaidan had told her she had to keep herself fed and hydrated if she didn't want this to happen, but she had done none of those things last night, and she didn't remember ever having drunk this much before. To make things worse, she had fallen asleep on the cold, hard floor.

Squinting, she noticed Jones was lighting the way for Saito as he placed a bowl of water on the floor next to the couch where Mikhailovich was sleeping. Then, he gingerly pulled the guy's hand down, so it was inside the bowl.

Trying to muffle their giggles, Jones and Saito carefully stepped away from the couch. Lisa instantly got to her feet, before they decided to pull a prank on her, too. She sneaked out of the apartment with them, wincing at how much light there was on the outside, even if it was just artificial.

They were all starving, so they went for breakfast before going back to their quarters. Lisa saw a text and a few missed calls from Kaidan, but thought it was too early in the morning to call him back.

The memories of the last night were a bit hazy in her mind. Did Mikhailovich try to kiss her?

"Jones, about last night…"

"What? You don't remember?" Saito chimed in. "You and Mikha were all over each other."

All the blood drained from her face and Lisa felt like she was going to throw up.

Jones punched Saito on the arm. "Don't be an ass. Fucker." She turned to Lisa, "He's messing with you, Shepard. When Mikha tried to kiss you, you caught him in a lift and dropped him on the couch. He was so wasted, he didn't even try to get up and just fell asleep right there."

Lisa breathed out, relieved. "Thank God."

After breakfast, when she was finally back in the barracks, she was startled to find Kaidan on her bed. Had something happened? She was going to wake him up when she saw the smashed SSV Geneva. Her heart tightened in her chest as she knelt on the floor to gather up the broken pieces of the ship. There was definitely something wrong.

She deposited the remnants of the toy inside the metal trunk that contained her belongings at the foot of her bed. It didn't seem like it could be fixed. If she glued all those broken parts back together, it would probably look awful. But, she wasn't ready to throw it away just yet.

Every night before bed, she used to run her fingers along the smooth surface of the little ship and find comfort in the fact that it was the last thing she saw before falling asleep, because of all the good memories that were associated with it. Her nightmares had been much less frequent after she had hung it over her bed, and she didn't think it was just a coincidence.

Tears burned in the back of her eyes, but she quickly willed them away. It was just a toy, and it was stupid to cry over a toy, wasn't it? Attributing that much sentimental value to it had probably been stupid, too. It was just that everyone else seemed to have things they cherished from their childhood and things that had been given to them by loved ones, and this model ship was all she had. Everything else she possessed was just stuff to cover the bare necessities, like clothes and a toothbrush.

Damn it, she needed to know what had happened. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she put a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder. "Kaidan," she called softly.

He moaned and his hand covered hers. She insisted, until he blinked a few times and yawned. As he saw her, he pushed her hand away from him and sat up.

"Is everything all right?" she asked.

"What time is it?"

"0700. Why?"

"Where were you? Those are your clothes from yesterday, aren't they? Where did you spend the night?" He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. "Fuck! You don't need to answer. I don't care."

"Kaidan, what's going on?"

He got up and began pacing in front of her bunk. "What's your name?"

"What?"

"What. Is. Your. Name?"

Oh, fuck. He knew. Between his hostile tone, gritted teeth, and clenched fists, she could tell he was fuming.

The dorm was completely quiet. Everyone in there was staring at them.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this here." She led the way out and he followed. They couldn't lock themselves in the showers now; there were always people there in the morning. So they just went to the end of the hallway and she hoped no one would approach close enough to hear what they were saying.

"J– Shep–" He shook his head and dragged his hands over his face. "What should I call you? Is Shepard even your last name?"

"It is."

"And should I just believe you when you say that?"

Okay, perhaps she deserved that but, still, it annoyed her. She powered on her tool and showed him her brother's profile on a social networking site.

"Jeremy Shepard," Kaidan read out loud. "That doesn't prove anything."

She opened a page with her brother's pictures and skimmed through them one by one so Kaidan could see them. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked away. There was a reason she never looked at those pictures; it still hurt too damn much. Most of them were just her brother with his friends, but there were a couple with her parents and her grandma.

Kaidan pushed her arm away. "You're not in any of those pictures."

"I told you Jeremy didn't like me much, remember? But, you could see the farm, right? And my parents? People used to say I looked like my father…" She took a deep, steadying breath. She wasn't going to cry in the middle of the barracks. No way.

Their eyes locked for an instant and she thought he wasn't so mad anymore. Maybe he had noticed the resemblance. "There… there are no other pictures left or I would've showed you," she continued. "I never had a profile on any of these sites." Why would she when she didn't have any friends to add anyway?

"Okay, _Shepard_," he tried it. "But, what about your first name? Why would you let me call you by some other name when we were together, when I said I loved you," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "when we were having sex?"

It made her feel guilty how heartbroken he sounded, even though she had never meant to hurt him. "I'm sorry. I don't know. It never–"

"If you say it never came up, I swear to God, Ja–Shepard…"

Great, she had managed to make him angry again and that had been exactly what she was going to say. "That _wasn't_ what I was going to say."

He ignored the obvious lie. "How about all the times I called you _Jane_? That's how many times it came up. Or that week we spent together at my apartment… you could've told me then. That week meant everything to me and I thought… damn! I thought it had meant the same to you."

"Is that why you broke my ship?" she asked quietly. "Because you think that week didn't mean anything to me?"

He didn't say anything so she continued. "Ever since you gave me that ship, I've kept it over my bed so it's the last thing I look at before I fall asleep. That's the only way I see something good, instead of death and destruction, when I close my eyes. I needed it, Kaidan." Her voice broke at the end, but she quickly recomposed herself with a sharp intake of breath. "That's how much it meant to me. That ship, that week, you. Fuck." She turned away from him, angry and disappointed in him, and in herself. They were both handling this poorly and making things worse.

There was a pregnant pause before he spoke. "I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't my best moment," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

They were quiet again for a long time, both facing away from each other. She really wanted to fix this, but she didn't know how. Would it be okay if she touched him? As she hesitantly reached for his hand, dark energy swirled around his fingers and he pulled away.

"Don't," he uttered without heat, but she still thought it was best not to insist. "I still don't know your first name, or where you spent the night, or what's going on between you and that friend of yours from the orphanage. I can't keep going like this. You never let me in. You don't tell me anything. This is not how relationships work. You're too… immature, Shepard."

She thought it was best not to go into any details about last night. Two girls and two guys getting drunk in an empty apartment wouldn't look good, and it wouldn't help her case right now. Swallowing hard around the lump in her throat, she moved forward. "It's Lisa, all right? Lisa Mae. It's a stupid farm girl name. I'm not that girl anymore, so it doesn't matter."

"It matters to me, Shepard. And if you think it doesn't, if you think I'd be okay with calling you by the wrong name, then you don't know me at all. Why wouldn't you tell me? Why would you let me learn this from someone else?"

"You don't understand. When I woke up here after the surgeries, people were calling me Jane Doe. They had no other option, since I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I had no ID. And, honestly, I couldn't find it in myself to care about what they were calling me, so… I just let them," she tried to explain.

"But, you told them your last name."

"That was later. I couldn't be Jane _Doe_ when I went to the orphanage or to school."

"Does Jarell know your name? Did you tell him?"

"Why? What difference does it make?"

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "'What difference does it make?' How can you be so oblivious?"

There's _nothing_ between me and Jarell, Kaidan. There never has been."

He grabbed her arm a bit too forcefully. "No? So, where did you sleep last night? Weren't you with him at your _secret_ place?"

"Hey!" she yanked her arm out of his grasp. His control must have been slipping, because his touch left her biotics in complete turmoil. "No! I was with my friends from AIT, like I told you. You think I'd lie to you?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? Haven't you been lying this whole time?"

Her blood boiled in her veins and she took a determined step towards him, getting in his face. "No, I haven't. I'm not a–"

"Hell, Shepard! You smell like booze." He snorted, shaking his head.

Immediately, she stepped back and looked down, crossing her arms defensively over her chest.

"This… this is not working. I don't think you're ready to be in a relationship," Kaidan muttered.

Her eyes widened and, when she looked at him, he avoided meeting her gaze. "Are you breaking up with me?"

He raked his fingers through his hair, still not making eye contact. "I… I don't know. I guess I am. I can't be around you right now, Shepard. I need time to… to think about all this, and I think you need it, too. You need to grow up."

"Kaidan, please, I'm sorry. I don't know how to… I don't have… I'm not…" Fuck, she hated the pleading tone in her voice. What to say, how to fix this, she didn't know. She was feeling embarrassed and humiliated. He was probably right—she wasn't ready for a relationship; she didn't even know how to handle a breakup or whatever the hell it was that had just happened.

Looking down, Kaidan just shook his head and walked away. Jones and Saito hurried to Lisa's side, but she dismissed them. They were very nice company to go out and have fun with, but she wasn't going to confide in them; they weren't that close. Stalking out of the barracks, she went to find a place where no one would bother her.

* * *

"I think he broke up with me, Emz."

"Are you all right? Where are you?"

"Here." Lisa held her omni-tool arm up and waved with the other at the completely dark background.

"I can't see anything," Emily said.

"It's because it's a secret place," Lisa whispered conspiratorially.

Emily frowned. "Are you drunk?"

"Getting there." Lisa showed her friend the half empty bottle of vodka.

"Tell me what happened."

"I don't know. He thinks I'm a liar. It's all my fault."

Emily approached the screen, squinting. "Are you in your dress uniform?"

Lisa looked down as if she was only realizing it now. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"What time is it there?"

"About 11 am. I mean, 1100."

"Have you been wearing that uniform since yesterday?"

Flushing with embarrassment, she scratched her scarred cheek. "Maybe."

"Did you get any sleep?"

Lisa rolled her eyes and dropped her tool arm to her lap. This hadn't been why she had called Emily. Kaidan had already made her feel bad enough when he had smelled alcohol on her.

"Fine, just tell me what happened," Emily said, despite not being able to see her friend's face.

There were a few moments of silence. The sound of Lisa sucking in a ragged breath was the only sign that the call hadn't been disconnected.

"Hey, Jane, it's okay. You know you can talk to me, right?"

Suddenly, there was a lot of interference on the screen as it moved around erratically.

"Fuck!"

"Jane? What's going on? Please, point this damn thing at your face before I get motion sickness."

"My biotics are still all riled up, I needed to discharge." There was a lot of interference on the screen again as Lisa released a singularity next to the entrance of the abandoned construction site. Of all the tricks she had learned to perform with her biotics, singularity was the most draining one.

"Jane, are you there?"

"_Jane,_" Lisa snickered, the holo-screen finally in front of her again. "That's not my name. That's why he broke up with me."

"What do you mean?"

"When I got here after the attack, no one knew who I was, so they called me Jane Doe."

"Oh, no."

"They could call me whatever they wanted for all I cared."

"That is awful! What is your name?"

"It doesn't matter."

"What should I call you then?"

"Shepard!" someone yelled. Lisa immediately recognized Jarell's deep voice. He had been caught in her singularity.

"_Shepard_ is fine," she told Emily. "I have to go. I'll call you later, okay?"

Emily nodded. "Keep me posted. We'll figure this out," she said before hanging up.

"Don't worry. It'll end in a few seconds," Lisa yelled back at Jarell.

"What is this? This is new, right?" he asked, sounding a little exasperated as her bubble of dark energy kept him off the ground. "It feels weird."

"Watch out!" She grimaced as the singularity faded and he fell on his ass.

"Fuck, Shepard! Dammit!" He was shaking his head and wiping the dust off of his uniform as he got up and walked towards her. When he got closer, his eyes ran up and down her body, taking in her disheveled look and the bottle in her hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. No."

His brows furrowed, his expression turning serious. "What happened?"

"Kaidan, he… he broke up with me."

"Really? Why?" Sitting down by her side, he tried to take the vodka bottle from her, but she tightened her grip around it, glaring at him. He pulled it harder, finally yanking it out of her hand with a grunt. "Hell, Shepard."

"Fine. You can have it. I don't care." She sighed in defeat. "Wanna know what happened? I lied to him. To you. To everyone."

"About what?"

"My name. It's not Jane. That's just the name they gave me here when I was rescued and no one knew who I was."

"Like Jane Doe?"

She nodded in agreement, hoping he wouldn't be too angry at her; she couldn't handle having another argument just yet.

"That's fucked up. What about _Shepard_? Is that made up, too?"

"No, that's… that's real."

Letting out a breath of relief, he playfully hit her in the arm. "Good thing I never liked to call you 'Jane', huh?"

"Yeah, I guess." She gave him a small, sad smile, which he responded to with a wide grin and pulled her into his lap.

"You can cry if you want, Shepard. I won't tell anyone."

"You… you're a good friend, Jarell. But, I'm fine. I'm not going to cry," she said, her voice breaking.

"I know," he replied, pretending he wasn't seeing the moisture welling up in her brown eyes.

With his hand running up and down her back to comfort her, she buried her face in the crook of his neck and finally allowed herself to shed the tears she'd been holding. The past few hours had been overwhelming and she couldn't hold back her emotions anymore. She loved Kaidan with all her heart, but she had hurt him and he had dumped her. The little SSV Geneva that had gotten her through so many nights was now broken into a dozen pieces and she didn't like the idea of going to sleep without it. And to think she had to be ready for her first day of adept training on Monday morning...

Thankfully, Jarell kept it to himself while she cried, giving her time with her thoughts as he sipped her vodka. After what had happened on Mindoir, the brutal way that everything and everyone had been taken from her, she should've learned not to let herself get this much attached to anything or anyone again. It was all her fault that she was heartbroken and feeling like such a mess right now.

But, she had gotten through much worse and she could and would get through this, too. Luckily, she hadn't fallen apart in front of Kaidan. She didn't want him to think she couldn't handle a breakup like a mature adult.

Some time later, the tears stopped and she took a deep breath, recomposing herself before looking up at Jarell again. She was still feeling badly, but not as miserable as she had been before. He and Emily had been so understanding. Why did Kaidan have to get so upset? No, enough. At this point, dwelling on this would accomplish nothing. He wasn't wrong to be angry at her; she was — for not telling him the truth and letting him learn about her name from someone else. The only problem was that she had never thought it mattered to anyone what they called her. However, to Kaidan, it obviously mattered a great deal.

Her thoughts were disrupted by Jarell gently tracing the scar on her cheek with his thumb, like he had done the first time they had kissed. What the hell! She couldn't deal with this right now. Had Kaidan been right all along? Did Jarell want more than her friendship?

"If you try to kiss me, I'll punch you," she deadpanned, breaking eye contact and pulling away from his touch.

"Hey, I wasn't going to!" he replied defensively, throwing his hands up in the air. "You just broke up with your boyfriend and I was trying to be a good friend and comfort you."

"Really?" she asked, one eyebrow rising in suspicion.

"Yeah, I was totally going to wait until tomorrow to try and kiss you."

Her incredulous look was met with an amused, unapologetic one from him. "Are you messing with me?" Lisa asked.

"I don't know. Am I?"

She smacked him on the back of the head. "Stop it."

"Ouch!" He tried to retaliate, but she ducked. "This behavior is unacceptable, private. Now, stay still so I can smack you back."

"Hahaha! You wish." At least he had made her laugh. He was good at that. "Jarell, I, uh... thanks."

"For what?" He winked at her. "Want to have lunch together?"

"Sure."

"So… what are you going to do? Do you want to get back together with him?" he asked her as they made their way out of the construction site.

_I do. Dammit!_ "Since he was the one who broke things up, I don't think it matters whether I want to get back together with him or not... He said we need time and that I need to grow up."

"Oh, you're grown up enough for me."

"Stop that." She gave him a warning a look. "You're confusing me."

"God, Shepard. Relax. This is just some harmless flirting. For fun, you know? Just trying to cheer you up."

"Fine, it's just…"

"What?"

"Never mind." If Kaidan hadn't been so jealous and worried about Jarell, she wouldn't be acting all suspicious and paranoid like this. What was she thinking? Of course Jarell just wanted her friendship.

They walked in companionable silence for a while until she remembered something that made her stomach turn. "Shit. His graduation ceremony is in less than a month and his parents are going to be here. They'll think it's weird if I don't go, won't they? What should I do, Jarell?"

"Maybe you two will have sorted this out by then."

"I don't think he'll consider a couple of weeks as time enough for me to 'grow up'."

"Hmm, I can come with you to his ceremony if you want."

The irony of that offer wasn't lost on her. Kaidan would _love_ that. "Thanks, but I think it'll be best if I go alone."

* * *

_A/N 2: This chapter was inspired by Mass Effect 2. We all want Kaidan and Shepard to be together, but Kaidan has to act like... Kaidan, right? And, we know that when Shepard had disappointed him, he wasn't as willing to believe in her and as fast to forgive her as the other companions were. Please, try to understand and don't throw bricks at me. I'm already working on the next chapter. _


	21. Service

_A/N: Tila, Kaidan here (like in the game) is three years older than Shepard. So, at the moment, he's 21. However, because of Shepard's influence, he ended up joining the military a bit earlier than canon-Kaidan._

_Many thanks to my beta, Suilven, and to everyone who read, reviewed, faved, and added this to their alerts._

_SharilinAlenko made a wonderful render of Lisa Mae Shepard and Kaidan finally getting their happy ending post-ME3. Check it out (and her other amazing Shenko renders) on DeviantArt and/or Tumblr. She's just Sharilin on both. Look her up. ;)_

* * *

**Chapter 21 – Service**

Before getting the L3 implants, Lisa Mae Shepard had had no control over her biotics and all she could do was flare. The implants had been what made it possible for her to properly channel and manipulate dark energy. Then, in her second day of AIT, she'd gotten her first bio-amp―the Antares I―and channeling energy became easier, faster, less draining. Now, with a more powerful amp―the Antares III, the standard bio-amp for all biotics in active duty in the Alliance―she was feeling incredibly strong, easily chaining three or four biotic attacks in a row without even breaking a sweat.

However, this time, after she'd gotten her new amp, Kaidan hadn't been there with a smile on his face and a snack to help her recover her energy. She'd gone to eat with Jones, Saito, and Mikha and it hadn't been the same.

She was missing him badly; his touch, the feel of his biotics, talking to him, spending time together… On her end, nothing had changed. She still loved him. The things she had told him about her past, no one else knew. There wasn't anyone she trusted like she trusted him. If only he would see that, despite her not having told him her real name; she'd never meant to lie to him, nor hurt him in any way. It was just that she'd been so confused after her rescue. Whatever they'd been calling her didn't matter when she had been trying to figure out if there was a still a place for her in a galaxy where no one knew her and everyone she had known and loved had been killed.

Since the breakup, she'd been spending her free time either at the gym or at the shooting range. They were nice distractions, but not enough to take her mind completely off how her relationship had ended and how she had disappointed the person she loved most. Ever since the attack, her best, happiest memories had been by his side.

Now, she couldn't wait for her class-training to be over. Hopefully, she wouldn't be stationed at Arcturus; she had had enough of that place. Around every corner, everywhere she looked, everywhere she went, she was constantly hoping, and at the same time dreading, that she would run into him. She wanted to see him, but she feared she wouldn't know what to say and would only make things worse. What if he were still at angry at her? What if he turned his back on her again?

A few days ago, Hendel Mitra had come to talk to her. He'd confirmed what she'd already suspected―that he'd been the one to tell Kaidan that 'Jane' wasn't her real name. He'd been feeling guilty for their breakup and tried to apologize, but she'd stopped him. It hadn't been his fault and Shepard would never blame him for it.

"He wasn't fooling around with you, Shepard. He was in for the long run. That was why not knowing your real name upset him so much. I guess he felt like you weren't invested in the relationship like he was," Mitra had told her. "I saw him after your fight and he didn't look good. He really likes you. Just… give him some time and I think he'll come around."

Every time she'd seen Mitra after that, she'd had to resist the urge to ask him for more information on Kaidan. What else had he told his friend about their breakup? How was he? Was he missing her like she was missing him? Was he still upset? But, it wouldn't be right to drag the lieutenant even deeper into this mess. Although he wasn't her DI anymore, he was still a superior officer and certainly had bigger things to worry about.

* * *

06/29/2172

The psychologist was the last straw. It was just her luck that she would be assigned to the same guy who had treated her before, right after the attack. She hadn't talked to him then and she didn't feel like talking to him now either. Damn, she just needed to get finished with her adept training and get the hell off that space station.

This stupid mandatory appointment with Dr. Clark was all because of a nightmare. It wasn't just a coincidence that, without the model SSV Geneva, she was having bad dreams more often. Usually, she would wake up flaring. Sometimes, there were also tears. But, when she had woken up screaming one night last week, her DIs had gotten word of it and had made her go see a therapist.

"I can't clear you for duty if you don't talk, Shepard."

"Great," she grumbled, feeling like she'd been cheated. "I'm fine."

"Your superiors seem to disagree or you wouldn't be here."

"It's just… my boyfriend. He broke up with me." She decided to give him something so he wouldn't make her life harder.

"Is that what is giving you nightmares?"

_No. I've been having these nightmares ever since the attack on Mindoir. There are times when they get worse and now is one of those times. _"Yes."

"What happened between you two?"

_I let him call me by the wrong fucking name for two whole years. He was always honest with me and I didn't reciprocate. I disappointed him, made him lose his trust in me._ "We had a fight."

His next question was about Mindoir. Clearly, he wasn't buying her bullshit story about a fight with her boyfriend being reason enough for her to have nightmares and wake up screaming and flaring in the middle of the night.

Fortunately, it had taken her a long time to start talking in the first place, so she only needed a few more vague answers before her time was up and she could leave. Unfortunately, he said he would have to see her a few more times before he could clear her for action. It seemed she had no option but to cooperate and hope this would be over by the time her training ended, so it wouldn't delay the start of her first tour of duty.

* * *

07/03/2172

Barbra Alenko sent Jane a message telling her where they were and saved her a seat by their side as she sat with her husband to watch their son's graduation ceremony. Minutes later, the girl arrived. She was in her uniform and Rylan saluted her with a proud smile on his face. Barbra hugged her and they settled into their seats just in time for the ceremony to begin.

Tears sprang to the woman's eyes when she spotted her son on the parade deck with his platoon. He looked so handsome in his dress uniform and navy regulation haircut. If not for Jane, Kaidan wouldn't be there now. Barbra would be eternally grateful to the girl for helping him make peace with himself and find his path.

When the ceremony was over, Kaidan went down to meet them. Barbra knew there was something wrong, because he was keeping Jane at arm's length. Whenever those two touched, sparks flew―often, literally. For some reason, Kaidan was avoiding it.

He scowled as Jane facepalmed when a tall, good-looking man, who was also in military uniform, approached them.

"Corporal…?" Rylan asked the man.

"Turner, sir. I'm a friend of Shepard's from the orphanage."

That immediately piqued Barbra's interest. In two years of fostering Jane, the only friend of hers they had met had been Emily Wong. It was good to know she had others. "It's nice to meet you, corporal."

"Please, call me Jarell, ma'am."

"You should come to dinner with us. It's not every day that we meet one of Jane's friends," Rylan said and looked at his wife, who nodded in agreement.

"He can't. He's got that… thing. Right, Jarell?" Jane said, giving her friend a pointed look.

"Nah, the _thing_ got cancelled. Dinner would be great," Jarell replied with a grin.

Kaidan was glaring at Jane, who was glaring at the corporal. There was something definitely wrong there. If Barbra were going to take a guess, she would say that Kaidan and Jane had had a fight and that Jarell might have had something to do with it.

* * *

At the restaurant, Kaidan went after Shepard when she excused herself to go to the restroom. His father and Jarell were caught up in a conversation about military service and weren't paying much attention to him, but his mother had her eye on him and gave him an encouraging smile as he got up. She'd probably noticed he and Shepard weren't on good terms.

When the girl came out of the restroom, he blocked her path with his body in the narrow hallway, stopping her from heading back to the table. "What is _he_ doing here? Are you two together?" It came out harsher than he had planned it to be, and he had probably just bought himself a fight.

"What? No! And I didn't invite him here. You saw it," she answered impatiently and tried to sidestep him, but he got on her way again. Looking up at him, she halted but did not step back. "Anything else?"

Even though they weren't touching, they were close enough for him to feel her biotics. God, how he had missed that feeling. Goosebumps rose on his skin as dark energy soared inside him, threatening to burst, and he knew it would only take a brush of his fingers against hers for his control to slip.

"Shepard…" He reached out to touch her, but then thought better of it and retreated.

He'd been really looking forward to seeing her today, but finding out that she had gone to his graduation with Jarell had soured his mood. However, now, with her this close to him and no one else around them, it was impossible to concentrate on being angry at her.

Kaidan had fallen so badly for her; he'd thought she was the one. Damn, who was he kidding? He still loved her madly. Why did she have to lie? He shook his head and sighed. Twice he had fallen in love and both times he'd ended up heartbroken. He should've learned his lesson the first time. He should've waited longer before having Shepard stay with him in his apartment, and telling her that he loved her. He shouldn't have been so fast to jump into this relationship.

He should've left himself a way out.

"What?" she spat, glowering, and for a moment he thought she might actually attack him.

"Never mind." He stepped aside so she could pass. They weren't going to solve anything with a two-minute talk at the door to a public restroom anyway.

As she walked past him, her shoulder bumped roughly against his arm. Despite the lack of actual skin contact, it still felt pretty intense. With a sharp intake of breath, Kaidan resisted the urge to pull her into his arms. A month had gone by since they had last seen each other, and all he wanted right now was to give in and let his biotics burn and mingle with hers while he held her close. Hell, if only it were just that feeling, just her crazy biotics that he missed… but, damn him, he missed her laugh, the delicate curves of her body, her scent... He still had it bad for her.

Back at the table, Jarell kept his eyes on him while leaning in to talk to Shepard. The man's expression was carefully guarded, but Kaidan couldn't help seeing it as a provocation and stared back at the guy.

"Are you okay?" the corporal asked Shepard.

"Great," she replied wryly.

"Want to get out of here?"

"Yeah."

Shepard turned to the Alenkos, thanked them for dinner and made up some excuse for leaving before dessert. Jarell followed her lead and confirmed her story, saying his good-byes, too.

"Private." She threw Kaidan a salute. There were no hugs and not even a handshake. Clearly, she was avoiding touching him. Their exchange in the hallway must have been pretty intense for her, too.

Watching her leave with Jarell made him want to punch something. Kaidan thought that, if there had been nothing between them before, now he had probably thrown her into the guy's waiting arms.

"What happened, son?" his mother asked, and his father took a sip of his drink and looked away, not wanting to take part in that conversation.

"We… she… it wasn't working."

"You were both very tense tonight. You should try to talk to her and sort it out."

"I don't know, Ma. She… she lied to me. I don't know if I can trust her."

"Maybe it was just a misunderstanding, son. Why would she lie to you? She loves you; I can tell," the woman said with a kind smile.

"It was not a misunderstanding."

"Have you talked to her about it?"

"Yeah." He thought better of it, recollecting their argument over her real name, and rectified his answer, "Sort of." If only he had listened to Mitra's advice and taken some time to cool off before talking to her, maybe things would've gone down differently. Instead, overwhelmed by his anger and disappointment, he had barely given her a chance to explain herself, and now they weren't even friends anymore.

His father shook his head at him reprovingly, and Kaidan found the gesture aggravating. The old man had yelled at him for years because he had given up on pursuing a military career after BAat, never caring to really listen to his son's reasons for making that decision, so who was he to judge?

"You're bullheaded just like your father," his mother remarked. She knew exactly what his 'sort of' meant.

And, she was right. The realization made Kaidan feel as if he'd been slapped in the face. How he had treated Shepard hadn't been very different compared to how his dad had treated him whenever he'd failed to fulfill the old man's expectations.

Rylan downed the rest of his whiskey in one gulp and set his glass on the table, dragging a hand over his face. "I was trying to stay out of this. You know I'm not very good with this relationship stuff, Barb. But, since you dragged me into it…" He turned to his son. "I was never bullheaded enough to just sit there brooding while my girl ran off with some other guy."

"Rylan!" Barbra chided.

"What? If I hadn't gone after you after that fight we had, you'd probably be married to that Donovan guy now."

"It's Donald. And I wouldn't," she replied indignantly. "My friend Carla was in love with him. I wouldn't do that to her."

"So, Carla was the only thing stopping you, huh?"

"For God's sake, Rylan. That was almost thirty years ago! And, I was already in love with you. You know that."

Kaidan had long stopped listening and immediately stood up, tossing his napkin over his half-finished meal. "Thanks for dinner."

"Kaidan!" his mother yelled as he stalked out of the restaurant.

"Let him go, Barb."

* * *

_KA.: Can we talk?_

_JS.: I don't know. Can we?_

Kaidan took a deep breath, trying to swallow his irritation.

_KA.: Where are you?_

_JS.: I'll come find you. Tell me where you are and I'll be there in five._

That answer annoyed the hell out of him. It meant that she was with Jarell at their secret place; he knew it. Fuck. Of course she would be there. He was a fool if he thought she hadn't moved on already. She had history with that guy. The fact that her boyfriend was jealous and sure that the corporal was in love with her had never stopped her from hanging out with him before and surely wasn't going to stop her now that she and Kaidan weren't together anymore.

_KA.: Never mind._

The next ping on his tool was not from Shepard. Kaidan looked at the sender's name in disbelief.

_RA.: What was this 'big lie' about anyway?_

_KA.: Did Ma put you up to this?_

_RA.: Just answer me, private._

If his dad was going to start pulling rank on him now, maybe joining the military hadn't been a wise choice.

_KA.: You probably know about her name, right?_

_RA.: What about it? _

Kaidan didn't answer and decided to just drop that conversation. His father had rescued her and surely knew how she had become 'Jane'. Plus, getting relationship advice from the old man was probably a bad idea anyway.

_RA.: Look, your mother wasn't very happy about us calling the girl 'Jane' either. Is that why you broke up?_

So his mother knew it, too. Was he the only one who hadn't known? Why the hell had no one told him?

_KA.: Yeah._

_RA.: The kid was traumatized. Give her a break._

_KA.: Is it that simple? How can I trust her again?_

A few minutes went by until the next text from his father arrived.

_RA.: It's getting late, son. Good night. Tell your mother I helped._

* * *

08/10/2172

Kaidan watched from a distance as Shepard hugged Jarell and said good-bye. Her class-training had ended on August 8th and she was already being deployed for service. Kaidan had no idea where her first assignment would be, but he had gotten word her platoon was shipping out today, so he had gone to the docks to see her. When he'd spotted Jarell, he'd decided to keep his distance and had resigned himself to just sending her a good luck text message. He was thankful she and Jarell didn't kiss; he wasn't ready to see that. It made him feel a little better to think that maybe they weren't together after all.

Shepard looked around, probably trying to find Kaidan after she had gotten his message, but he lowered his head, doing his best to keep out of her line of sight. Luckily, the docks were crowded and he was successful in his endeavor. He wouldn't know what to say to her after all this time anyway.

He wondered when and if he would see her again. Like Mitra had advised him, after his graduation, he had taken the Vocational Battery and gone straight to class-training. His years on BAat had saved him some time, allowing him to skip AIT. However, sentinel training lasted almost twice as long as adept, so he wouldn't be ready for duty until about the end of October.

Deep down, he was hoping he wouldn't be stationed too far away from her.

* * *

10/31/2172

Shepard wiped off a bead of sweat that was threatening to reach her eyes before closing her visor again as she advanced on her target. If her calculations were right, in the morning, Kaidan would be shipping out for his first assignment and she made a mental note to send him a text wishing him luck when she got back to the base. She wondered if they were ever going to see each other again. Maybe, if he got a post in the Sol System…

"Private Shepard, this is the second time I've had to call your name! Get your head in the game, soldier! Do you want to get us all killed?" Major O'Neill chastised through the comm, managing to yell and whisper at the same time, and effectively cutting through her thoughts.

"Sir. No, sir." She needed to get better at compartmentalizing. Kaidan shouldn't be in her mind right now.

Shepard was the only biotic on Major O'Neill's team, and he'd made her their scout. He'd thought it was best that way because she had the extra protection of a biotic barrier—inn addition to the kinect shield projected from the emitter all soldiers carried. Of course, the barrier was to be used only in case the mission went FUBAR, since it attracted a lot of attention and it could be seen from afar.

"So, what do you see, private?"

"Two hostiles outside the gate at twelve o'clock, sir."

Before today, she had only been out on two recon missions as they were trying to find the hideout of a terrorist group that was keeping three Alliance soldiers hostage. Although these soldiers had been stationed at the same base Shepard was, in Cairo, they had been taken by the terrorists before she had gotten there, so she didn't know them.

"Thompson, Santiago." The major made a gesture with his hands and the two snipers on the team assumed their positions, getting ready to shoot.

Seconds later, the enemy guards crumpled to the ground.

"Hostiles down. Shepard, confirm kills," the major spoke.

"Moving up to confirm, sir," she murmured on the comm.

She was at a vantage point, one hundred meters ahead of the rest of the team. When she was about to start her advance on the enemy position, there was a noise behind her. She turned just in time for a bullet to miss her. The next shot would be a hit, she was sure of it; fucking hostile was damn close.

In a split second, dark energy erupted around her, her barrier springing to life as she waved her arm to hit her attacker with a powerful, adrenaline-fueled throw. Another one was coming right behind him and she shot him twice in the chest with her pistol. How come she had missed these guys? She really needed to get her head in the game. Another mistake like that and she might not come out of this alive.

"Hold position," the major ordered his team. "Shepard, what's going on up there?"

The hideout they were storming was about an hour north of Cairo, just past the city of Tanta. The place would look like a farm if not for all the armed guards on the perimeter.

"Hostiles ambushed me, sir. One down. Going to check on the other."

"Double time, soldier, before someone spots the bodies at the gate and we lose our advantage."

"Aye aye, sir."

Shepard swiftly slid down the small hill where she had been positioned, avoiding the slippery pool of blood around the man she had just shot, and approached, with her gun in hand, the foe she had hit with a biotic throw. He was crumpled in a heap on the ground and expelled his last breath as she knelt by his side to confirm the kill.

His neck was twisted and bent at the most unnatural angle and his eyes were open. Rare and beautiful green eyes, Shepard noticed with a shudder. Had she really just killed two people? She took a closer look at the guy—he was young, almost as young as her. Somebody's son, brother, boyfriend, friend, maybe father even? Damn, taking a life was hell. Was she supposed to take this with the same detachment with which she shot down dummies and holo-targets during combat simulation sessions?

"Shepard, lose the barrier ASAP. You can be seen from a klick away." The major's harsh voice over the comm brought her back to the ongoing mission.

She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat and took a deep, steadying breath. "Done, sir. Kills confirmed. Moving up to confirm the other two." Thankfully, her voice betrayed nothing of her unease.

From that point on, the mission was an astounding success. Shepard used stasis and lift on a couple of foes so her teammates could finish them off, but she still ended up having to take down a third one by herself. The marines sustained no casualties, only one wounded—though not gravely—and managed to clear the hideout and retrieve the hostages.

In the shower, back at the base, she let the hot water run over her head and shoulders for long minutes, but she still couldn't relax; she kept seeing those lifeless green eyes whenever she closed hers. The eyes of the man she had killed with her mind. How fucked up was that? She hoped Kaidan wouldn't see this much action so soon after his training like she had.

But, he had killed someone once already; he would understand what she was feeling right now. Maybe he could offer her some reassurance. Being able to kill with your mind was a damn messed up talent for someone to have. Would it be okay if she called him? Would he even want to talk to her?

She got out of the shower, put on a tank and shorts, and curled up under the covers in her bunk. Kaidan was sure taking his sweet time to answer her call and she was about to give up when his face appeared on her holo-screen.

"Shepard?"

She recognized the background as the karaoke bar at Arcturus. It was midnight in Cairo, which meant it was one hour earlier at the space station. No doubt Kaidan was having a get-together with his friends before they shipped out the next day.

"Hey, Kaidan. I… today I…"

"What? I can't hear you."

"It's just that…"

Someone called his name and he turned to look at them, shouting an answer she couldn't understand, before facing the screen again. Whatever his friend had said had made him laugh, but his brows furrowed in concern as he noticed her somber expression. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know. I –" she started again, but someone else caught his attention, handing him a beer.

She shouldn't have called. There was no way they were going to be able to talk while there was a party going on around him. Plus, a conversation about death and killing was very likely to ruin his mood and she didn't want that. She'd had her fun with her friends before her call of duty and he deserved to have his.

"Good luck on your first assignment," she half-yelled to make sure he would hear.

"Thanks. It was nice of you to call. I… ah… I'm glad to see you," he replied with a charming, if a little shy, half-smile.

"You can call me any time, you know?" she said before she could stop herself. _Just end this conversation before you make it any more obvious you're still pining for him._ "Okay. Bye." Without waiting for him to reply, she disconnected.

At least he didn't seem so angry at her anymore. It didn't make her feel any less miserable over what she'd had to do during the mission today but, still, it was nice to know that they could talk to each other again without yelling and fighting.


	22. Bad Call

_A/N: Sorry about the short chapter. I had this written already and I decided to post it as it was because I don't know when I'll be able to update this story again (I'm not dropping it. IML is already outlined until post-ME3 and it'll get there eventually). But, my country is on fire right now, everyone is out on the streets protesting, myself included (and my family and friends), so it's hard to focus on anything else. What's happening here, in Brazil, is not about 20 cents and public transportation. It's much more than that. Protests are happening everywhere (in 388 cities so far), every day. You might have seen our situation mentioned on the news once or twice in your country, but __**the riots and protests here are happening every single day for over two weeks now.**__ I won't say more because I don't want to bother you with our third world problems. If anyone's interested in knowing more, feel free to send me a PM._

_Thank you all for your patience and, also, to my dear friend and beta, Suilven, for her help and support._

* * *

**Chapter 22 – Bad Call **

11/01/2172

"Shepard, you look like hell."

"Thank you, sir."

"Did you get any sleep last night?"

Nothing ever escaped Major O'Neill. He ran a damn tight camp.

"A rookie fresh out of Basic like you; I bet you're not used to the action," he continued.

No, she was not. Simulations were nothing like the real deal. How the fuck was she supposed to get a good night's sleep after killing three people, one of them with her mind?

She cleared her throat and tried to sound sure as she spoke. "I can handle it, sir."

"You'd better, private. They didn't send me any other biotics and I need you on our next operation."

"I'll be ready."

"Good. And, Shepard, it's either kill, or be killed out there. This is not an easy posting. I've already lost eighteen marines here this year alone. Just help me make it to Christmas without having to break bad news to any more families."

"Mine is dead, sir, so you don't have to worry about it."

"Ah, you're one of those." He shook his head and sighed tiredly. "Of course you are."

"Those what, sir?"

"Those kids with a death wish who join the service just looking for a chance to go out in a blaze of glory. Do I have to recommend you for therapy?"

Going out in a blaze of glory seemed like a good way to die. Kaidan would get the call; he was her emergency contact. Maybe she should change that now that they weren't together anymore. But he would still care, wouldn't he? The Alenkos, Emily, Jarell… there were a few people out there who would miss her. Even if there wasn't anyone, she had promised herself she would make up for what had happened to her family on Mindoir, for not being able to protect them, and though going out in a blaze of glory was good, it wasn't good enough. She wanted to do more for humanity.

"No, sir. Not looking forward to dying any time soon. My family might not be here anymore, but they're watching. I want to make them proud."

* * *

12/04/2172

Shepard would've called Kaidan again, but Emily had told her to wait, that the next move should be his. Clearly, he was either unaware of that rule, or not interested in seeing her again, because his move never came.

On his birthday, Shepard finally had the perfect excuse to break Emily's made-up dating regs, and she did, sending him a vid-call request.

"Hey, Kaidan. Happy birthday."

"Thanks, Shepard. It's good to see you. How's Egypt?"

How did he know? She had never told him where she was. "Spying on me, private?"

He chuckled at the suspicious look she gave him. "Ma told me."

Of course. Mrs. Alenko usually called Shepard once a week to ask her how she was, talk about Vancouver, the orchard, and insist she visit them on her next leave.

"What about you? Where are you?"

"At the HQ in Vancouver. Can you believe it?"

"Good for you. Your mom must be happy."

"Yeah. But, you know what she's like. She still complains I should visit more often." Kaidan smiled and then looked off-screen. There was someone in the room and he waved them over. "Shepard, this is Private Katrina Makowski. She's a vanguard. We went to Brain Camp together."

The woman put her head over his shoulder, so she could fit on the screen with him. "Hi. Nice to finally meet you," she said with a bright grin and Eastern European accent. "Kaidan talks a lot about you, you know?"

"Kat!" His eyes widened and he flushed to the tip of his ears.

"What? It's true. You talk about her every time you drink," Katrina replied.

Shepard's head was spinning. Was Kaidan saying good or bad things about her? Did he miss her? And, how often was he drinking with this girl, anyway? Was there something going on between them? But, then, he wouldn't be talking to her about his ex-girlfriend, would he? Were they just friends? Did any of them want more than friendship? Fuck! This girl was damn pretty, had a sexy accent, Kaidan called her by a nickname, and they went way back. Shepard hated feeling jealous, but she just couldn't help it right now.

Was this how Kaidan had felt every time he had seen her with Jarell? Was this why he'd been so jealous and suspicious? God, this sucked.

"Time to go. I'll go get Rick and we'll wait for you outside," Kat told Kaidan and then turned to Shepard. "Bye."

"I… ah… better go. They convinced me to go out for a beer for my birthday, so…" he said after Kat left.

"It's okay. Have fun." Shepard smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Shepard, uh… thanks for calling."

Sighing, she disconnected the vid-call with the feeling that they were on opposite sides of the galaxy instead of just a few hours away. When did the distance between them get this big?

* * *

12/31/2172

2302 hrs

Still in her uniform, Shepard slipped her hoodie over her head to protect herself against the cold and stepped out of the shuttle. She had left Cairo in a hurry, so she wouldn't be late. A change of clothes in a bag was all she carried, since she would have to head back to the base tomorrow.

Emily would kill her if she knew what she was doing right now, but she didn't think this counted as running after the guy who had dumped her; this was just her carrying on a tradition. Plus, she liked to think that she and Kaidan could at least stay friends, if nothing else. If he showed up on the beach tonight, it meant there was still a place for her in his life.

Of course, she was aware there was a huge chance she would go back to Africa even more disappointed and heartbroken. They hadn't talked to each other since his birthday and she hadn't told him she was coming, so she had most likely gone through all the trouble of making this trip to Vancouver for nothing at all. Still, she hoped that wouldn't be the case and that she wouldn't end up spending New Year's Eve alone.

2312 hrs

Kaidan was starting to regret his decision. The only reason he had invited Kat and Rick to watch the fireworks on the beach tonight was because Shepard probably wouldn't show and he didn't want to just sit there alone thinking about what could have been. However, he really hoped she would find a way to be there. Chances were slim, but if there was even a slight possibility that she would show, then he was going, too.

He hadn't talked to her in almost a month and they hadn't made any arrangements for this day specifically, but the previous years they had spent New Year's Eve together; having a beer and watching the fireworks from the shore. And, they had called it a 'tradition', so he was carrying it on.

Now, Kat was taking her sweet time getting ready and Kaidan was getting anxious. He didn't like the idea that Shepard might be there already and feeling disappointed at not finding him.

2317 hrs

Shepard finally managed to find a cab and asked the driver to stop at a convenience store on the way Ambleside, so she could get a six-pack.

2319 hrs

"Wow, Private Katrina Makowski, you look hot!"

"Can it, Rick," Kat replied.

Kaidan blew out a relieved breath. "Good. You're ready. Let's go."

"I've never seen you wearing make-up before. Kaidan, look at her." Rick nudged the sentinel's arm with his elbow.

Kat scowled. "I'll kick your ass, Rick."

"Leave her alone, man," Kaidan said, hastily leading the way out of the dorms.

2330 hrs

The store didn't have Kaidan's favorite beer, so the second best would have to do. Maybe he would bring his own, if he even showed… Shepard sighed as she scrunched the receipt in her hand and threw it over her shoulder towards the recycle bin, before getting back in the cab.

2331 hrs

Kaidan picked up the crumpled up receipt someone had just haphazardly tossed towards the recycle bin before leaving in a cab. It had hit the rim and landed on the ground. Shaking his head, he disposed of it properly before going into the convenience store. Unfortunately, they didn't have his favorite beer and he had to settle for the second best.

2342 hrs

Shepard got out of the cab in a hurry. She had eighteen minutes to find him. If only traffic hadn't been so bad… At least there were fewer people on the waterfront this year than on the previous ones. The locals must have gotten tired of being scared out of there by the biotic couple with no self-control. Now, where was she going to start looking for him? She looked both ways and decided to go left.

2345 hrs

Dammit, it had taken too long for them to get to the beach. He only had fifteen minutes to find her before the fireworks started. In which direction should he look for her first?

"Kaidan, where are you going?" Kat asked.

"Just something I need to do. I'll be right back."

"What if the fireworks start and you're not here? I'll come with you."

"No, Kat. Stay here. I'll be back."

"He probably just needs to take a piss," Rick told Kat and Kaidan didn't deny it.

"Why is he taking the beer then?"

Kaidan hastily shoved the pack in Rick's hand and took two bottles out of it. "Actually, I'm only taking these two. You can have the others."

While Kat and Rick exchanged a confused glance, the sentinel looked from one side to the other and decided to go right.

2358 hrs

Shepard had covered half the beach and hadn't found him. The fireworks were about to start, so she opened another beer and decided to stay where she was. He probably wasn't there anyway and she had been a fool to even consider it. Maybe it was better this way. That was why she hadn't called him earlier to set this up; she didn't want him to show up just because she'd asked. This tradition of theirs either mattered to him, or it didn't.

And, most likely, it didn't. He had dumped her. He had messaged her once after that, but had never called her. The times she'd called, he'd barely talked to her. If she had asked him to come here tonight, he would've either showed up out of guilt, or would've refused, and both options would suck and make her feel like shit.

2359 hrs

Kaidan was back where he had started after covering about half the beach. Of course he hadn't found Shepard. What had he been thinking? That she would fly from Cairo to Vancouver just to have a beer with him? Was that even a tradition when they had made it up out of the blue and had only done it twice?

"You didn't drink the beers," Kat pointed out, interrupting his thoughts.

Kaidan stared at the bottles and blew out a tired breath, his shoulders slumping as he set one beer down and opened the other. After taking a large gulp, he looked around and frowned. "Where's Rick?"

The vanguard lowered her eyes and chewed on her lip. "Something came up and he… uh… had to go."

What could possibly have come up a few minutes before midnight on New Year's Eve? That was odd.

0000 hrs

Shepard didn't take part in the joy that took over people around her and all across the beach when the clocks reached midnight. She didn't look up as the first fireworks painted the sky in bright colors.

While everyone celebrated, she tried not to curse too loudly. New Year's Eve had just gone back to sucking like any other day. Someone who had already lost everything should know better than to let themselves get attached again, clinging to stupid, fleeting stuff like model ships and made-up traditions. Celebrations were for people who had families and loved ones. She had no business being on that beach tonight.

Her eyes wandered uninterestedly to the people around her as she turned to leave and then she saw him to her right, not twenty meters from her. Her heart warmed when he met her gaze and his lips curled into a genuinely happy smile. Her frustration was immediately forgotten; she was damn happy to have come to Vancouver tonight.

0001 hrs

She was there. She had come and she was smiling back at him. He'd known he had to be here, because this mattered to her. Hell, it mattered a lot to him, too.

The last time he had visited his parents, his mother had talked to him about Shepard for a long time. "Don't hold that little lie about her name against her. She didn't do it on purpose, son. I think you're missing the bigger picture," Barbra had told him. She'd also said that he should forgive Shepard; that the girl might have become a marine and act tough, but that she was actually very fragile emotionally; that she was still haunted by Mindoir; and that letting people in was hard for her.

He knew all that already, but his better judgment had been clouded by the fact that she had lied to him, which had caused him to ignore everything that was behind the lie–her loss, trauma, her insecurities. How broken must she have been that she would accept people calling her 'Jane Doe' as if she were an unclaimed corpse? That was probably how she must have felt after losing everyone who once knew her; that was why she had accepted that awful title.

By coming to Ambleside tonight, Kaidan hoped he'd showed her he still cared. Now, all he had to do was close the distance between them, both literally and figuratively, apologize, and make this right.

He took a step towards her, remembered the beer he had saved for her, and stepped back to retrieve it.

"Oh, Kaidan, the fireworks are wonderful! Thanks for inviting me," he heard Kat say before she grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him. On the lips.

He was stunned for an instant until he pushed her away. "Kat, what are you doing?"

"Kissing you?" she replied, looking a bit confused.

"Why would you do that?"

"Why? You were the one who invited me to this romantic New Year's Eve on the beach, with fireworks and couples everywhere!"

"I'm sorry, Kat, but this was a misunderstanding. And, I invited Rick, too, didn't I?" he replied, glancing around for Shepard, but she had already disappeared from sight. "Shepard!" he shouted as he rushed to look for her.

"She's here?" Kat started after him.

Damn, he should have seen this coming. Kat had had a crush on him back in BAat, according to Mitra. Tonight, she had taken her time getting ready; Rick had pointed out she was even wearing make-up, which was unusual for her. Then, Rick had mysteriously disappeared—Kat must have told him to split so he wouldn't be a third wheel.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Kaidan looked desperately for Shepard. He made several calls to her omni-tool, he sent texts, he shouted her name. There was no answer and no sign of her anywhere. Kat had left at some point, and he hadn't even noticed. Damn, he would have to apologize to her, too.

0320 hrs

After giving up his search and before going to bed, Kaidan wrote Shepard a long message explaining what had happened—that he had gone to the beach to see her, that he and Kat were just friends and their kiss wasn't what it looked like, that it hadn't meant anything, that he had no idea why Kat would do that, that he had broken the kiss and told the woman he wasn't interested. He ended by telling Shepard that he missed her and couldn't stop thinking about her and that he was sorry.

It didn't matter that it was all true, it still sounded like a bunch of excuses and lies. It was no wonder that only answer he got was a very harsh, and way too succinct, one — considering the two pages worth of text he'd sent her — that said, "You don't have to apologize or explain yourself to me. We haven't been together in months. You can do whatever the fuck you want. I don't care."

* * *

Kat and Rick stopped hanging out with Kaidan after New Year. The sentinel always tried to be nice and respectful to everyone, but the events of that December 31st had made him look like an asshole to both his friends and to Shepard.

She didn't contact him again. Sometimes, he would learn her whereabouts and what she was up to from his parents, who were still in touch with her. That was how he found out she wasn't serving in Cairo anymore and was now stationed at an Alliance outpost on Terra Nova.

On her twentieth birthday, he texted her, but got no reply.

* * *

12/31/2173

Shepard didn't hurry this year as she made her way to the waterfront. There wasn't anyone she was trying to find this time. She bought a single bottle of beer, found a quiet spot, and sat down on the sand, pulling her hood over her head.

Kaidan was there with his head down, a few meters ahead of her, closer to the sea while she was closer to the boardwalk. Despite being alone, he had a six-pack with him. How ironic that when she was not looking for him, she would immediately spot him.

She tried to be quiet and not catch his attention. It worked and he never saw her. At midnight, he sent her a text. The sound of the fireworks exploding in the sky while the people cheered on the beach kept him from hearing the beep from her tool when she received his message.

The pyrotechnic show was still going on when she left. As the physical distance grew between them, she decided to take the first step towards bringing them a little closer on a different level. Breaking the year-long hiatus, she finally replied to one of his messages. "Happy New Year, Kaidan," it read.


End file.
